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Islam/marital problem


married to 3 and half yrs. not happy with my married life. from the very beginning problems started .my husband hides everything from me.never shares anything from me. we live as complete strangers in one house neither we share any marital relationship.i feel helpless. please help me.

ANSWER: Wallaikum As Salaam!

I would appreciate in future you write 'As Salaam Alaikum' i/o 'ASKM' whenever you come across
or write to Muslims.

Well, your mail is very vague to enable me guide you unless you open yourself since the day of
marriage, like who is he, whether you know him before marriage, whether you both have kids and
if both of you from same origin country or different. Also, what do you and your husband do for
a living.

Upon hearing these details, I will Inshallah try to guide/advise you accordingly.

And if you think it is appropriate, I can chat with both of you on What's up to help clarify
any misunderstanding between you both. You can add my No. to what's up +919849026154.

May the Almighty Allah have mercy on us to forgive our sins and guide us all to the true path
of Islam as per the Koran for rest of our life.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: As Salaam alaikum
thank you for being very prompt in answering my problem.i am sorry for not letting my full future inshaallah i will be careful. i and my husband both belong to india . our marriage is totally arranged.i did not know him before marriage. neither we did not have any kids. at present we live in  united states. he is a teacher by profession and i am a housewife. my parents are very worried about our relationship. please help me .thanks

ANSWER: Wallaikum As Salaam!

Why is that still no kids even after 3 years of marriage, is it a conscious decision to delay kids or is it due to marital discord
that marriage is not being consummated the way it has to or is
there any problem to conceive either from your or your husband side.

Did you both sit together and try to resolve any issue that is
keeping distant with each other emotionally/physically.

Why don't you ask him frankly, what is that he is not liking in you
and also if he is anyway involved with some one else.

Tell him that both of you have to be honest with each in order to
live either happily or part ways so that both of you do no suffer
silently for ever.

Am still at a loss why is he treating you like this and not able to
share anything with you.
Are you very demanding on him while being alone with him, is he a shy
natured, an introvert?

What did you study and why are you a home maker in a country like USA?

Please try to share honestly if not with me atleast with some one
whom you can trust to get to the bottom of the reasons for the
discord between you both.

If you think it is appropriate, ask him if he wants to talk to me or
chat on whatssup, my cell No. is 00919849026154 as am also from AP
and live in AP.

May the Almighty Allah have mercy on us to forgive our sins and guide
us all to the the true path of Islam as per the Koran for rest of our

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: AS Salam Alaikum
thank you for being generous and courteous towards me.after 15 days of our marriage he came back to States due to shortage of holidays and i joined him after full one year of our marriage because of VISA PROBLEM. everything started from there. when i came to States he wanted me to learn driving and where ever i wanted to go i can. he never participated from the beginning in is difficult t learn driving that soon as there is one car and he is always out and only comes back at around 8 p:m so when i am supposed to take out my time.he never took me anywhere as there is big problem regarding local transportation here in states. i have been out for only 10-12 times only, in my stay here in USA .i live in complete isolation here.regarding studies or work  ,i can not do anything with the visa status i am holding at present. as he is a research student himself .and he was just loofing around with his studies , never was serious in it. he also has very bad company of people. i came to know about it as he started to take there phone calls in my absence. whenever he used to be at home he would take calls out of house and only returned after talking to them .he hides everything from me. this infuriated me father talked to his father about it . rather helping me in this his father complained about my parents. my father asked his father to tell him to concentrate in his studies and to pay attention to family life.and he answered it that my parents should not give advice to him.
regarding me i have never been a demanding person . i am telling you that in 4 yrs. of my married life i have never asked him for anything nor spend a single penny on myself.thats another thing that he has not taken me anywhere. i am a god fearing person alhamdullilah and do my faraiz with honesty which ever is possible for me. he hardly belives in religion.hardly prays.always backbites about me with his friends. he never sits near me nor talks with me. always talks to me facing back towards me.i am totally helpless .its due to marriage discord only that we dont share any physical relationship.he is never honest with me.he would never talk to you.with me the biggest problem  is that i am very sensitive person.and if anything is wrong in my life i can not concentrate in anything neither in studies.i have become irritating with time.i dont know what to do.i pray , thats what i can do .he does not like women in purdah or scarf .its just all ican tell you if you still fell you want to ask me i am right there to answer you with honesty inshallah.thanks

Wallaikum As Salaam & Juma Mubarak!

Well, there is indeed a problem and it started from both sides which let's not delve upon it.

As you are alone with your parents/siblings back in India, suggest you to be a little patient
& ask him politely what he wants from you.

Listen to him first and see how best you can accommodate his requests and demands, then in a
polite way make him realize that he has to take up his studies seriously as his friends and
relatives in USA and back home may progress ahead than him.

I don't know what you meant by 'he has bad company', if he has taken some calls and do not talk
in front of you doesn't mean he is into bad company unless you have anything to prove.

Even if he erred or into bad company why don't you make an attempt to current him, ask him to
confide in you whatever that is and promise him that you will forgive him and also support as
well as help him out to get over what ever that is.

And finally, dress up the way he wants you to excepting that it is not too revealing clothes.

And for your information, Hijab and Jijab is not an Islamic injunction but a tradition and a
culture that was prevalent even before our beloved Prophet time.

We shouldn't connect traditions and culture of some countries with Islam but do respect those
traditions and culture if one is living in that countries.

If he doesn't like you to wear a hijab or purdah or head scraf, then don't since it is only a
tradition and culture and not a religious compulsion or injunction.

Coming to salat, just read him small Suras from the the Koran in the language you both best
understand to see if realization will dawn upon him.

For the present this is the best I can suggest and if you think talking or writing to me can help him then please ask him to do so or ask him to add me on whatssup +919849026154.

May the Almighty Allah have mercy on us to forgive our sins and guide us all to the true path
of Islam as per the Koran for rest of our life.  


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Azam Mohammaed


I try to clarify doubts logically with Koran's guidance


Mashallah 18 years since I got married to my wife who is a Protestant Christian by faith

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