Islam/Polygamy and talaq
As Salaam Alaikum,
In sha Allah this message reaches you in good health. I have so much to say and so many questions but I will try to keep it simple and discreet. several months ago my husband of many years married a women he was involved with 2 1/2 years. I found out about their affair the previous year, after a lot of suspicion, arguing and him leaving our home. After several days he came clean and told me about this lady and I encouraged him to repent and marry her if he was to continue on instead of committing such a bad sin. In the mist of this I found out he was also dating another female and I reached out to the first one because I wanted to find a way to make this work because he was out of hand. Unfortunately the couple of encounters we had where not good at all, she basically wanted him to divorce me if he loved her the way he claimed too. there relationship was very rocky, with lots of cursing, arguing and her having fits to get her way. So for the next several months they called themselves engaged and was on and off. It caused so much turmoil within our household and then I was introduced to the second female in which I thought he had stopped messing with but found out other wise, once I got to know her and he told the truth. So he was broken up with the first one and asked the second one to marry him so me and her hit it off really well and until this day she is a dear friend and sister in Islam. In the mean time my husband had me under the impression that him and the first girl was over with until we all had a big blow up and she told me totally different, but honestly even before that I questioned him and he didn't tell the truth. He has treated this women like she was his wife the whole time, buying her all sorts of stuff and her child as well who has a father that takes care of him, he pays her bills and moved her into a home and furnished it. I have so many bad feelings because he took from our house and our children to provide for someone he owed nothing to, and I feel like this relationship with her has caused us mental hardship, financially we are struggling and over all heartache. Later on the second female ended up moving out of town and a little over a month later he married the first women Islamically. Since then it has been more drama and fitnah, I tried to make it work and get along with her so it would be somewhat easy for all of us but she is so jealous and angry. I didn't think that my husband was fair concerning what he did and his time because they had a lot to do in order to get settled. At first he asked me for a separation for a couple of weeks to be with her but I refused after I read more. Now she doesn't out right ask him to divorce me but she implies it through sentences like "If it was just me and you I would be different", now he wants a divorce for several reason and the main one being how she deens. Since then she has stepped up and he feels like its just like all the other times he would leave and she would do everything he asked of her. In order to keep him now and in
the past she threatens suicide, makes him feel guilty about her child, her lack of family and friends, how she will be in financial hardship if he leaves, how bad he was a Muslim etc. I am so tired and mentally overwhelmed its crazy, He thinks he has to spend her iddah period with her so she wont do anything crazy and to ease all of them into this separation, and after her iddah is over he believes he has to continue to pay her bills, is this true? Please help me, is he doing things right? Does he still have to divide his time, live with her and provide for her after the iddah is over when we are struggling financially already.
He is lying. No one has to provide for his divorcee and stay with her during or after iddah. The whole thing is wrong. Sorry to know a good person like you have go through this in the name of Islam.
You should find a way of independence and happiness. Allah has better for you and your children.
This man has to stand up.