I was a ruthless man when I was young. I want to share with you an event that has haunted me my whole life with guilt. Sir I used to have a baby cat when I was young. I used to torture the poor thing by waking it up while it would be sleeping, throwing it on the sofas like it was a ball, I couldn't help getting angry every time I looked at the baby cat even though the poor thing did nothing to me neither did it bother me in anyway. One day I decided to get rid of the poor baby cat and I threw it from the roof of my home to the neighbor's roof but I didn't put in enough force and the baby cat fell all the way down to the basement area of the other house and broke its leg. I went to the neighbor's home and took the baby cat, went to a nearby jungle and deserted it there. I do not know what happened next to that kitten but I am pretty sure the baby cat died. Sir now that I am an adult, this event haunts me and I am drenched in guilt and wish if there was any way I could correct my mistake and make it up to Allah because my life is a disaster. I believe all the things I have done in the past are responsible for this. This one particular event is unbearable. Please tell me what should I do? Sir please help. I have made it a promise to that kitten that if Allah gives me Paradise Insha'Allah, then I will wish for that baby cat to be my pet for all eternity. How do I make sure that I have been forgiven sir? I cannot take this guilt anymore..
Praise be to Allah.
Thank you for your question. It is strongly forbidden in Islam to treat animal cruelly, except when needed for food. But even Islam sets some rules when slaughtering animal for food. There are several hadith which emphasizes the important of treating animal well.
- Reward for mercy: It is related from Abu Umama that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Whoever is merciful even to a sparrow, Allah will be merciful to him on the Day of Judgment."
- Animals are like humans: A good deed done to an animal is like a good deed done to a human being, while an act of cruelty to an animal is as bad as cruelty to a human being."
Animals cannot speak up for themselves: It is related from Sahl ibn Al-Handhaliyya that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, once passed by a camel that was so emaciated that its back had almost reached its stomach. He said, "Fear Allah in these beasts who cannot speak." (Abu Dawud)
- Mental cruelty also forbidden: It is related from AbdulRahman bin Abdullah that a group of Companions were once on a journey with the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and he left them for a while. During his absence, they saw a bird with its two young, and they took the young ones from the nest. The mother bird was circling above in the air, beating its wings in grief, when the Prophet came back. He said, "Who has hurt the feelings of this bird by taking its young? Return them to her." (Muslim)
- Forgiveness of sins: It is related from Abu Hurayra, from the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, that a prostitute once saw a dog on a very hot day going round and round a well, lolling its tongue because of its thirst. She drew some water for it using her shoe, and for this action all her sins were forgiven her. (Muslim)
- Mistreatment is a sin: It is related from Jabir that the Messenger of Allah, once saw a donkey which had been branded on its face and he said, "May Allah curse the one who branded it." (Muslim)
- Give rest to beasts of burden: It is related from Abu Hurayra that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Do not use the backs of your animals as chairs. Allah has made them subject to you, so that by them you can reach places that you would not otherwise be able to reach except with great fatigue." (Abu Dawud)
(as mentioned in http://islam.about.com
Now you have realized your mistake & sins, and that's the great bless from Allah, alhamdulillah. We have seen many people who committed sins but stay ignorant and even deny their mistakes. Nobody can give guidance except Allah, which means Allah has opened your heart made you realized your sins, insyaAllah it is also means that He will also will forgive you if you repent sincerely. In this case, He simply reminds you of your sins so that you will return to Him.
You mentioned that your life is disaster, Allah knows the best behind your current state of life, but the Qur'an has all the answer of human problem. Several Qur'anic verses mentions how our life is the consequences of our deed, one of the verse is the following :
"And whatever strikes you of disaster - it is for what your hands have earned; but He pardons much." (Qur'an 42:30)
Nobody's perfect and you made mistakes, but if you check carefully in Qur'anic, there are so many verses that mentions how Merciful Allah is. So, don't despair, the heaven is not for people who are not sinned, but for the sinner who repent.
But whosoever repents after his crime and does righteous good deeds (by obeying Allaah), then verily, Allaah will pardon him (accept his repentance). Verily, Allaah is Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful [al-Maaidah 5:39]
Allaah is Forgiving and Generous. He commands all His slaves to repent sincerely so that they may gain the mercy of Allaah and His Paradise.
O you who believe! Turn to Allaah with sincere repentance! It may be that your Lord will expiate from you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow (Paradise) [al-Tahreem 66:8]
The gate of repentance is open to His slaves, until the sun rises from the west. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Allaah spreads out His Hand at night to accept the repentance of those who did wrong during the day, and He spreads out His Hand during the day to accept the repentance of those who did wrong during the night. (This will continue) until the sun rises from the west. (Narrated by Muslim, no. 2759)
Sincere repentance is not merely the matter of words spoken on the tongue. Rather, the acceptance of repentance is subject to the condition that the person gives up the sin straight away, that he regrets what has happened in the past, that he resolves not to go back to the thing he has repented from, that he restores peoples rights or property if his sin involved wrongdoing towards others, and that he repents before the agony of death is upon him.
Allaah accepts only the repentance of those who do evil in ignorance and foolishness and repent soon afterwards; it is they whom Allaah will forgive and Allaah is Ever All-Knower, All-Wise.
And of no effect is the repentance of those who continue to do evil deeds until death faces one of them and he says: Now I repent; nor of those who die while they are disbelievers. For them We have prepared a painful torment [al-Nisaa 4:17-18]
Allaah accepts repentance and is Merciful. He calls sinners to repent, so that He might forgive them:
your Lord has written (prescribed) Mercy for Himself, so that if any of you does evil in ignorance, and thereafter repents and does righteous good deeds (by obeying Allaah), then surely, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful [al-Anaam 6:54]
Allaah is Kind to His slaves and loves those who repent. He accepts their repentance, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
And He it is Who accepts repentance from His slaves, and forgives sins, and He knows what you do[al-Shooraa 42:25]
Truly, Allaah loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves[al-Baqarah 2:222]
It's never too late to repent as long as you still there
Allaah loves the repentance of His slaves, and accept it. Indeed, He rejoices over it, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: When a person repents, Allaah rejoices more than one of you who found his camel after he lost it in the desert. (Agreed upon. Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 6309)
There are many good thing you can do to "redeem" your sins, one of them is to recite the prayer.
Or for the detail you may check the following link :
May Allah forgive you, and bless you with guidance and a good life in the Now and Hereafter. Amiin.