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Asalam Alaikum I was forced to say yes to marry a guy I don't like. I never had a relationship in my life. There was no one to stop me from dating but I always believed that if I control my desires, I'll get rewarded for it. Never thought life had all this in store for me. The bigger issues for me are. He is not good looking at all. Even though I am an Asian everyone who sees me for the first time thinks that I am an American or someone because of my colored eyes and features and all of my friends who see him say that he is not even close to good looking and its very unfair to me. The only reason they accepted me was because I am beautiful, If I was judged only on the basis of my looks, why can't I get to choose someone I myself like? the truth is I don't feel attracted to him at all. Every time I see a picture of him I get disgusted. And he is much older than me (more than 10 years). plus our personalities are entirely opposite. He is too much into things like cheap meaningless poetry and all. He is very self-obsessed. When he told me that he hardly prays he also said that " I might not be religious but I am a very good person" and he keeps saying this all the time. I am a very good person, I am very good at this I am very good at that. And I am sick of it. And I told all this to my parents and the only answer they give is these things don't matter, he belongs to a nice family and you look at how much he earns. Just because he belongs to a nice family and he is rich doesn't mean I have to kill all my desires. I am not at all into brands nor am I used to living a very fancy and luxurious life and its not like I'll die out of hunger without his money. Also those people overspend so much and they are way too much into brands and all that. This is totally opposite of what I am. I am not saying that I am a perfect muslim but I try to understand Islam as much as I can and I have read and heard various lectures and hadees warning muslims not to over spend. I had told my mom several times that whenever you get me married please try to keep it as simple as possible. We can help so many people with the amount of money we waste on these functions. And these people including my own parents spend lacs of rupees on functions, dresses, jewelry, makeup etc etc. It really breaks my heart to see all this. We see people die of hunger and here these people feel proud of over spending they tell everyone how much they spent on these meaningless things. I can't imagine to spend a minute with him. You must be thinking if I had so many issues why did I ever say yes to this proposal, So let me tell you that I was pressurized to the point where I gave up. I told my mother several times that I don't like him and asked her to turn down the proposal but she said that you are being very ungrateful and if you say this to your father, you'll be grounded and he will stop your education at one point she said that if I don't change my attitude towards the proposal then I should consider her dead. Even my father told me that he made a big mistake by letting me have education, he should have treated me the way people used to treat their daughters in earlier times i.e they weren't allowed to have education and they had no freedom at all. If he had treated me this way, I would have never gone against his decisions. He said that I don't need to like or even see the guy, if they like him, it should be good enough for me. But i did see him because other relatives told dad that this is not the right way. Both of them stopped talking me for so many days until I said yes. Initially my dad told me that we are just getting you engaged not married and its not a big deal, a week later he said that engagements are unislamic and he'll get me married instead. And he did this many times, when he wanted me to agree to something he'd say anything to make me agree and the very next day he'd change his statement and when asked he'd simply say that he changed his mind. And now they use it as a justification to shut my mouth saying that you said yes to this proposal. I am suffering from clinical depression and if this continues, I'll have a miserable life not just in the world but even hereafter since I am bitter towards my family, towards the guy and his family and I even complain to Allah sometimes that why didn't He help me when He could. I just don't know what to do. At this point I'd prefer death over this marriage. I am still living with my parents. the wedding is not consummated yet. Please tell me a dua or supplication to get rid of this relationship. Also the guy's family goes to fortunetellers and do everything with their permission. I have faced domestic abuse as well. My elder brother used to beat me and my younger siblings very badly on small issues and my father never did anything about it because he never considered a big problem and both of my parents are scared of my brother since he can insult anyone so they can't speak in front of him. Sometimes I feel like Allah doesn't love me at all otherwise he wouldn't have put me through all this.
I spoke to my father's elder brothers to explain my point to my father. They understand my position very well and when they spoke to my father about it, he screamed at them and also scolded me for asking their help and if I talk to the guy about it, he will create a big scene about it because apparently his family was ooking for a decent proposal for him for a long time but they couldn't find any.
There is one more thing that is bothering me. From last 2 or 3 years I have been getting a dream that I get married and I am extremely terrified and I am crying and trying to run. I saw this same dream 4 or 5 times. And now exactly what I saw in my dreams is happening to me. I don't understand any of this. I would be very grateful to you if you could help me with this soon. All of this is driving me crazy.

Answer
So sorry to hear. Indeed you deserve better and indeed you are beautiful inside out.
Islamically you have the full right to choose your partner. Parents have no right to force their children to marry someone they dislike.
You have to go on your own as domestic abuse is serious and Islam prohibits it. Contact your local authorties.

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Imam Habeeb

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Being an Educator of Islamic Studies and Interfaith discussions for the past 25 years and having authored seventeen books and numerous articles on Islam - I think I can answer questions on Islam and other religions and issues of the Hanafi jurisprudence as well as general questions on Quran and Sharia. Love, sex and marital problems are some such topics! This is an independent volunteering service and not under any organizational banner that I may be affiliated with. My book- Intimacy and the Sacred talks about Sex and Muslims. http://www.iuniverse.com/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?BookId=SKU-000463374

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I have helped thousands of people who are troubled both in life experiences and lack of proper Islamic knowledge.

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Latest book Five White Roses and A Red a book of Poetry dedicated to my mother.

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www.whispersofkaieteur.blogspot.ca

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http://www.iuniverse.com/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?BookId=SKU-000463374

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Muslims and Non Muslims. I love Interfaith activities.
Youths and issues of generational gap are my areas too. Families under stress.

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