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Islam/A prospective husband?



I'm a practicing Muslim, and I keep striving to be a better Muslima, alhamduillah. Someone approaches me for marriage. He is handsome, a financially very successful man but less religious. When I confront him, he said that he will pray regularly after married. He is very ambitious and hardworking, and his business grows well, he has Master degree from well-known university. My parents like him so much because of his impressive achievement.

But, I'm doubtful about him. Should I really consider him? Any suggestion pls. Thanks in advance.

Wa'alaikum salam wr wb.

The folowing is my personal suggestion.

1. Never trust anybody who promise something after something. This man promises you to pray regularly after marriage. Don't get fooled. There is no convincing reason.

2. Sorry to say, but my first impression about this man is NO, No and NO, even though he is financially well-established.

3. A rich, greedy man, ambitious over worldly things and promise to pray after he gets married? These characters should be enough to make you scared of him as a Muslima. Marriage is a long journey, and life is not free from problem and trial. You said you're practicing Muslim, frankly, it's not easy to get connected with someone who doesn't care about religion, in many aspects of life. Simple analogy, if in between of the journey of marriage, you both face a serious big life problem; you as a practicing Muslim, who understand well about this rules of life according to the Qur'an will try to solve it accordingly, while his mind thinks differently. Less compatibility. A person who doesn't really understand the rule of God tends to be a "fragile" person when hardship comes on the way, and will potentially find any good or bad way to counter any life problem.

4. Islam says that a husband will lead. Based on my observation, women tend to be "mentally weak" once they have children, they will be much more dependent to the husband in so many aspect of life. Many women totally lost their voices once they have children, as they fear of losing financial support & affection etc. The worst in that situation is that the husband is kind of person who doesn't know the value of Islam which result in inability to treat wife in a best manner according to Islam.

There are serious consequences(in the Now and Hereafter) when you are led by someone who doesn't care about the existence of God and doesn't fear Him. Slowly but sure, your personality, attitude and habit will follow/ resembles him, be it negative or positive. Subsequently, your future children will follow.

Your husband may stand by you in this world, provide you everything you need. But you will stand in the Judgment day ALONE, without your husband, nobody defends you but you. You may respond to God, that you were sinned because of your husband. Well, your husband may taste hellfire for that, but there is a probability that Allah will later question you, .. but you were given mind & conscience, then why don't you use it instead you follow your husband blindly.

Wouldn't it be much better and beautiful to see a wife and husband along with family who help each other to reach Heaven instead of pulling each other to go to Hellfire?

This is the important role of knowledge, religious knowledge I mean to say.

5. Look around and observe, world is full of distraction, how many Muslim families have been destroyed out there as there are no strong & pure attachment to the Qur'an & Sunnah. Father doesn't know how to act as a father, mother doesn't know how to act as a mother, and so do the children. And mind you that social breakdown mostly derived from family problem hardly reversed by money or whatever worldly things most people adore. You said that he is financiall very succesfull. Money is important, but money can never be able to fix personality problem, upbringing problem, and most important money can't buy the guidance (hidayah) from Allah. In short, money can't buy inner peace.

6. I wanna remind you, people say that experience is the best teacher. -- But, mind you that this teacher always comes late. Read, read and read any book, Islamic book, general book, in order to give you wider knowledge, wisdom to help you to think in better perspective.

Look around, and learn from other's experience, because learning by yourself can be "too costly".

7. Regarding your parents who seem to adore him despite of his religious state, I want to cite the saying of Syaikh  Abu  ‘Abdi rrahman  Muqbil  bin  Hadi  al-Wadi’i  hafizhahullah  Ta’ala, "Be aware of your parents, don't let their foolishness prevent you from seeking beneficial knowledge, because quite a lot of parents whose hearts filled with the love of worldly life and very narrow-minded, they do not think, except the future of children (only) in the world (and not in Hereafter)."

Pray istikharah. Seek straight guidance from Allah. Purify your faith, seek forgiveness more often for all the sins and mistakes in order to enable you to see His true light.

It has always been a SAFE path to do the best and leave everything in His hands. His path is not always easy and full of flower, but trust that He is the Most Loving & Merciful to His slaves, and will provide you the best one so long as you are pure in your faith. InshaAllah.

Recite, al Furqaan 25:74 more often to have a blessed family.

Wallahu A'lam. Thank you.  


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Sudarmiwati Supriyadi


I answer question about tawheed, aqeedah, political issue related with Islam, muslim in Indonesia. I also have knowledge about the Economic system of Islam. However, I have inadequate knowledge in comparative religions.


IMPORTANT : I'm not a scholar of Islamic Law. I respond any question based on the best of my knowledge and interpretation derived from the Qur'an, Hadith, Islamic history.

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