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Islam/Abusive Mother


honest advisor wrote at 2009-04-05 21:44:00
If your mother is not the definition of what a mother should be in Islam then you do not need to put up with her abuse.

If you are feeling suicidal the right advice is not to tolerate this abuse and to tell her how you feel in a polite and non agressive way.Not to continue tolerating abuse forever and then end up marrying yourself off to the wrong person to get out of her house...

Many muslim women may be getting beaten up and abused by fathers and mothers both sexually and mentally and emotionally.ALLAH DOES NOT TELL US TO TOLERATE THIS.

the cat wrote at 2009-08-20 17:05:13
Assalamoe aleikum everyone,

I am happy to see this answer posted for I am in a dilema for quite some time. You must be good to your parents but when they draw you to evil..where are the bounderies?

I find this answer very helpful and pushed by extremes I was already putting some distance between me and my parents. I understand completely this notion of feeling suicidal.

My parents are quite beyond imagination. And I am a traumatized person undergoing (medical)treatment last.

So when it gets that bad a muslim like me and the above writer is confused about how to handle the situation according to Islam. Placing a distance and remaining respectful is the ultimate answer. And for some, that 'distance' might have to be enough to avoid harm to religion and soul..and even for reasons of health.

confused wrote at 2009-12-16 15:07:55
Well I want to let you know that you are not alone, my father is a very aggressive man by nature, he shouts all the time, you basically cannot have a proper conversation with him, so I kept my distance ever since I was a kid and there's respect obviously or he would've killed me by now, but it worked and I dont harbour any hard feelings towards my dad, I cant blame him for being the way he is after all he did mention that he was raised by a father that was always screaming his head off! My main problem is with my mother, she is the most critical humanbeing on earth, she cannot seem to let me get away with anything and she does this only to me, she hardly critizes any of my other siblings. She calls me names, she literally knows how to push my buttons, she sometimes even seems to enjoy it when I lose control, its like a high for her. And when she gets physically abusive with me she needs her audience, being my siblings and one of cousins, she LOVES to humiliate me, and she gets triggered by the least thing I say. I'm 23 years old, and she still gets physical with me, I know I can knock her down if I wanted to, but obviously I wouldn't.. because I am I muslim. My mom cannot stand a word I say.. she always tells me not to answer back, I dont say uff, but I do answer back, I just have to speak my mind and that's a character in me I just tried so hard to alter but CAN'T! She always tells me that Im going to have a horrible life and have horrible children just like me who answer back and that I'm going straight to hell, she even says she can do whatever she wants with me because she gave birth to me and in th eyes of God I should shutup and take it, and that God wont ask her if she was treating me badly but I would be asked if I respected her enough. So you can see from the above that I already did discuss it with her,, I even told her Im not afraid of her no matter what she does but I want to know why she just loves to hurt me,,, her reply is I watch too much tv and that I need a therapist.. she says its all in my head and that she has never in her life seen such a horrible person like me and she always repeats this phrase:" Allah will give you horrible children and you wont be able to make it in this world because you always speak your mind and dont know how to comprimise....answering back to me isnt a conversation it is disrespect"... I personally know, no actually Im convinced that Im going to hell and Im terrified to have children,, I've been in a relationship with a really nice guy and hopefully we will get married soon and already Im worrying about the horrible children Im going to have... its just such an over whelming situation for me. My problem and I do admit is answering back, Im short tempered and I always say what's on my mind and my mother's way of dealing with that is triggering it even more,,, she knows I cant hold back she knows I will say what I think.. its like she's pinching me and waiting for me to say AOUCH,,, and then she would comment by saying: how dare u say AOUCH,,, plus a slap.. and your children will do the same for you. she even says I shouldnt even bother to ask God for forgiveness because disrespect to a parent is an unforgiveable sin, just like shirk.,, and that Im going to hell anyway... I tried to ignore her abuse and im trying to reduce the imperfections in me to make Allah happy,, but I also feel like I failed that test and that Im going to lead a doomed life because I dont respect my mother enough,, I really don't mean half of the stuff I say to her but she honestly forces them out of my mouth, she gets on my nerves, but I never called her names and I never ever would even consider getting physically abusive with her,,, but she is with me,,, physically, emotionally and verbally.

sad wrote at 2010-08-11 07:33:19
I am a married woman and have 4 children.  I am always being bullied by my  mother.  Every time I go over to visit, she will put me down about something.  Because I  have a toddler and a 10 month old baby, I don't always look so glamorous and she will make fun of my attire.  I tried to please her and bought some new clothes and then she will ridicule me in front of everyone.  She groups up with my sister in law and siste r all the time and I feel isolated.  It has gone so far that she is making fun and verbally abusing them.  I am the child who would do the most for  her.  My sister is very self  absorbed  and my brother is a bum but she picks on me and becomes allies with everyone.  I can't  function at home properly and feel very depressed.   I have limited my visits and phone calls but even the few minutes I see her she ruins my week.  I am a  mom  and I am very loving to all my my children.

kashif wrote at 2011-02-20 19:31:16
if you live with your mother u have to seek counseling cause this is a serious matter.. reason: people think parent are just two perfect people who gave u life but being a parent is the toughest thing in the world and very few raise there kids right...your parent should never down grade or doubt u .... these sort of problems cause problems for you when u grow up.....u must seek counseling of what u went throught and correct it as soon as possible... n get eduation n move on with your life... not all parent are perfect ..... truth of the matter is most parents dont know the meaning of being a parent.... disagrreee with me all u want but if u invest and research the prison system u will get your answer...athletes are made and so are criminals

? wrote at 2011-11-28 06:49:46
i have the same ecxact problem i am 14 so i live whith her..i have tried yur suggestion but now she thinks i hate her and im tring to avoid her she is very violent and she thinks that im competing whith her she critisizes everything i do to the point that im afraid to make mistakes she says im the enemy and calls me other bad stuff one time she got mad becuz me and my brother had a fight an he waz wrong but she beat me instead very bad i was scared an i blead

anon wrote at 2012-12-26 20:33:22
u r not alone!my mother emotionally abuses me too,she has just screamed her head off and said i'm shaitaan by changing the channel on tv. I changed it to an islamic channel,her drama was coming on then she said y did u,change it,its now wrong to flick the channel to a non islamic channel.

anon wrote at 2012-12-26 20:36:16
i'm in my 20s and my mum won't get me married because she needs me to help around the house,financially as well.she has no other support network,the males in the household r useless!i really want to get married and start a family,im feeling so pressured not because my parents r want me to ge

anon wrote at 2012-12-26 20:36:24
i'm in my 20s and my mum won't get me married because she needs me to help around the house,financially as well.she has no other support network,the males in the household r useless!i really want to get married and start a family,im feeling so pressured not because my parents r want me to ge


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Lee Ann Fleetwood


I will answer all questions regarding Islam and all its aspects to the best of my ability...and in the end God knows best.


18 years as a convert to Islam and living in an arab/muslim country

I have studied Islam for 20 years

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