Expert: Asaf Abir - 12/2/2006

Question
Hello,

It has beeny my understanding that according to customs, a man and woman agreed to be married and approved by the fathers.  At the time of agreement, the woman would return home.  The man would return to his fathers house to build a insola (spelling not likely correct).  The woman was to be ready a moments notice for the bridegroom to be finished building and retrieve his bride.  At this time he would blow a shofar.  The bride grooms would prepare the bride for the coming of the groom.  During this time, while the groom was building, the two were not to see each other.  Please confirm or correct my understanding

Answer
Hi Joe, and SORRY for having you waiting for so damn long. Somehow, your question totally escaped me.

One important disclaimer, just in case: I am not a rabbi. Whatever I write comes from my personal knowledge, and has no religious authority.

And regarding your question, I must ask you back: how has all of this come to your understanding?

For a very long time now, the Jewish engagment and wedding are both performed in the same ceremony, with the wedding coming immidiatly after the engagment. nobody's building nothing for nobody else.

For all I know Shofar blowings are not and were never used in the context of marriage. I've also never heard about the other customs you've mentioned.

However, there are a few things that religious jews do before they get married: brides-to-be usually do and deep inside the MIKVEH - a ritual bath that's supposed to clean their body and soul. The grooms-to-be are often given the honor of reading the HAFTARA - the epilogue to the SHABAT prayers in the synagogue. Moreover, right before the wedding ceremony, the groom and the bride's father sign a KTUBA - a symbolic contract in which the father sells his daughter to the groom. Of course, today it's symbolic. In ancient times it was real business.

and what is Insola? I really don't know, but I think it has something to do with shoes.

Asaf