AboutPhilip Lafeber Expertise Please ask me anything related to Japanese business culture. I can also answer some questions about social culture in general. Questions about the language I can only answer up to a very basic degree.
Experience I have worked for a Japanese company for 6 years and taught myself how to work with the Japanese and also some of the Japanese language. I am also married to a Japanese, which is why I have also learnt about Japanese in private life.
Education/Credentials None. All based on experience.
Expert: Philip Lafeber Date: 9/8/2007 Subject: interrupting phonecalls
Question Picture a "Japanese wife-American husband" relationship where the couple was doing something happily together.
An unexpected but important phonecall for the husband interrupted the event and the phonecall lasted longer than the Japanese wife's patience. Both husband and wife were still in each other's company.
Angry and upset, the wife did not speak to the husband until her anger died down to a stable frame of mind to tell him what he did, long after the phonecall ended. Previously discussed, well outside the husband's normal historical memory banks, the wife vividly recalled her telling him of the cultural note that in Japan, it was extremely rude of someone to take a phonecall in the presence of company, and to continue that phonecall for a considerably long time while still in company.
The husband was in deep water. He blames is forgetfulness compounded with the time-guilt of not realizing his error. Was he at fault? Was his failed memory to blame (women remember every stupid thing men do in a relationship)? Is a lifevest available?
V/R
Trigger Senjou
Answer Hello Trigger,
No need to picture this, I was there. In fact, I think this happens with any other cultural background. It is a matter of understanding the other's feelings. They way I understand yours; you can't take it back. You feel guilty. You wish you hadn't upset her. But it is done. So she was unhappy. She felt left alone. Admit it. Share it. Say you understand it. Promise to keep better watch for such a situation in the future. Tell her she is right to bring it up and if something else happens that upsets her, she should say it again. Show her that by opening up, she can feel relieved and feel understood. That will make her happy. And after that, your relationship is stronger than if it hadn't happened. It worked for me!
