AboutDerrick Holland Expertise I was raised in the religion known as Jehovah`s Witnesses for 13 years. Since becoming a born-again Christian, I have researched extensively this religion, especially their doctrines and their history. I can answer questions about their doctrines from the perspective of Biblical Christianity.
Experience 23 years of Biblical research into the fundamental doctrines of the Christian faith, and how they differ from the teachings of the Watchtower.
Question Hello to whom it may concern I’m currently married to a Jehovah Witness. When her and I first meet she was not practicing this faith along with the rest of her family. Before her and I got married she was attending church with me every Sunday. She was told by one of her sisters that it was wrong for her to be going to church with me and that she knew that she needed to be in the kingdom. Then suddenly after we got married she told me that she was not going to church anymore with me. I was confused and I didn’t understand why she waited until after we got married for her to separate the family that we are just starting.
She has 2 girls that are not mine and I have a son from a prior marriage. A few months ago my oldest step daughter asked me if I love Jehovah God I told yes I do. I questioned her back and asked why did you ask me that. She said that her mother told her that people that go to church do not love in Jehovah God. I told her yes people that go to love Jehovah God. When I confronted my wife about this she said that she did not say it like that she said that people that go to church don’t know his name. I said to her that what you just did was try and put something between me and my step daughters that I’m trying to build a relationship with.
So about a month passed and we had a talk about the bible and I showed her in the bible John 1, 1 I asked her who is the word that is a god. She could not answer it so I showed her in John 1,14 she was ok that is Jesus and then I showed her John 10, 30 her response was that they cannot be 1 because why would Jesus pray to himself. Then I showed her Matthew 19 , 4-6 she said that we are still 2 individuals.
So here is where I have my issues with the wife. I had b-day get together for my oldest step daughter with just the family my wife was not very pleased about it. But when the young daughter’s b-day came the following month she called me at work to see if I was doing the same thing. I was very confused about this but I realized that she did not want me to treat the other different. But when Christmas she wanted to go shopping for gifts for the girls she also took the gift that I got for. Then she went to her book study that night. Why would she celebrate Christmas at home and go to one of her meetings that very same night?
Answer Hey, Joseph. I hope all is well for you. Please let me take the time to apologize for the slight delay in getting back to you. My computer time has been somewhat limited this week....a few minutes here and there, but I am sorry it has taken so long for an answer to your question.
Well, your situation is a rather complicated one. I can certainly see why you are distressed by this, as it seems your wife has not been completely up front and honest in the way she has gone about this situation.
By your first paragraph, it seems that she knew in her heart that she wanted to marry you, but that she also was afraid that if she made her true feelings known, that it might not happen. It appears that she might have played a "religious game" with you, knowing that she intended to return to the KH AFTER she was married to you, but felt if she did so before marrying you, then the wedding might not take place. Also, had she returned to the KH BEFORE marrying you, she would have most likely been strongly discouraged from marrying you, since you are a non-JW. I think she wanted to have her cake, and eat it too. That's just my take. Of course, the only person who can really tell you what she was thinking, is her. Even though her approach was not the right one, I think it probably showed her desire to marry you, and maybe some fear of losing you. So, I can understand your distress over this, but I do think it probably was because she cared about you.
You then wrote....."She has 2 girls that are not mine and I have a son from a prior marriage. A few months ago my oldest step daughter asked me if I love Jehovah God I told yes I do. I questioned her back and asked why did you ask me that. She said that her mother told her that people that go to church do not love in Jehovah God. I told her yes people that go to love Jehovah God. When I confronted my wife about this she said that she did not say it like that she said that people that go to church don’t know his name. I said to her that what you just did was try and put something between me and my step daughters that I’m trying to build a relationship with."
This is just sad, plain and simple. It is the brainwashing starting to take place. I have heard of so many instances like this before. I even know of one case where the dad was not a JW, and the mom was....then one day one of the small children drew a picture of dad laying on the couch with horns on his head, like he was the devil or something. Now, I am not saying that the Witness parent encouraged this directly....it is just a product of the teaching that the child picks up on, and takes it to its final conclusion....that anyone outside the Organization is under the influence of Satan, and bound for certain destruction.
I think you are to be commended on the fact that you have tried to bond with her daughters, and be a father to them. I think you should lovingly address this situation with your wife in a non-confrontational way, and let her know that you love her daughters and want to have a relationship with them, and that wrong statements like that only hinder. If she is at all reasonable, then surely she can see that it is wrong for her to put you down to her daughters.
You wrote...."So about a month passed and we had a talk about the bible and I showed her in the bible John 1, 1 I asked her who is the word that is a god. She could not answer it so I showed her in John 1,14 she was ok that is Jesus and then I showed her John 10, 30 her response was that they cannot be 1 because why would Jesus pray to himself. Then I showed her Matthew 19 , 4-6 she said that we are still 2 individuals."
Joseph, I think your analogy was a good one. Yes, husband and wife are distinct persons, just as the Father and Son are distinct Persons. But just as husband and wife are both fully human by nature, and function as one family....the Father and Son are certainly distinct Persons (a fact JWs cannot seem to understand that Trinitarians do believe) both possessing the full nature of God, and along with the Holy Spirit, function as one God.
And her question about "Jesus praying to Himself" is an age-old one, and only shows that Jehovah's Witnesses do not even understand the Trinity teaching at all. I am personally amazed that JWs even still use that argument, since it has been easily refuted for years. But if they understood the Trinity, they wouldn't use it, for it does nothing to contradict the Trinity. Of course Jesus didn't pray to Himself. No Christian believes that He did. He prayed to the Father, who was a distinct Person from Himself. But both possess the full nature of God. Many Scriptures testify to this fact.
You wrote....."So here is where I have my issues with the wife. I had b-day get together for my oldest step daughter with just the family my wife was not very pleased about it. But when the young daughter’s b-day came the following month she called me at work to see if I was doing the same thing. I was very confused about this but I realized that she did not want me to treat the other different. But when Christmas she wanted to go shopping for gifts for the girls she also took the gift that I got for. Then she went to her book study that night. Why would she celebrate Christmas at home and go to one of her meetings that very same night?
One thing I have noticed about most JWs....they will not give Chrismas or birthday gifts, but they will certainly accept them. I have seen this in my own family to an extent.
But I do want to be fair, so I need to ask a question just to cover all the bases, so to speak....Is it possible that your wife might have just been taking advantage of some of the sale prices, and intended to give the presents either before or after Christmas? I only ask this, because some JWs find a way to rationalize on this matter. I know of a JW personally who would not eat a piece of birthday cake until THE DAY AFTER the person's birthday. The cake was pagan on the birthday, but amazingly, the day after the birthday, the cake suddenly became fit for human consumption. That's why I ask that. So I was wondering if she was buying them for "Christmas gifts", per se.
You know that situation better than I would. If she WAS in fact buying them for Christmas gifts, then I must agree with you that this is very inconsistent on her part, and I cannot tell you why she would act this way. If you approach her about it, I think she will probably just eliminate any type of celebration in the future. So maybe its best that you just be glad she is still able to do something on her own thinking, and let it go.
I pray for you in this situation, as I can imagine how difficult it must be. I believe things can work out for both of you, if you both agree to apply Biblical principles to the marriage. The fact is, you are married, and it is God's will for the marriage to work. I do think you should address this part about her placing thoughts about you into the minds of her daughters. This is just plain wrong.
But Joseph, let me say this to you....I don't know how old her daughters are, but they seem to still be pretty impressionable, so I would assume they are fairly young. If you will continue to do as you have done....give them the parties, the gifts, etc., and be a loving stepfather to them, then the day will come that they will have to make a choice. They will see the kind of role model you have been, and the love you have shown them. They will then begin to think about what they have been taught....that you don't love Jehovah or know His name, that you are headed for certain destruction, or whatever else they hear at the Kingdom Hall. And they will eventually realize that something isn't right with all this. If they hear one thing about you, and see another in the way you treat them, they will figure out one day what is true and what is not. So, that is something to think about.
If you have any further questions for me, or if I can be of any more help, please do not hesitate to write.
