Expert: Robert Jones - 6/19/2009

Question
QUESTION: I am currently dating a disfellowshipped JW. He says they cant date outside the church and I said i wont have attending a building a stipulation of my marriage (cause it wont last).  The question is i generally have been educated with three degrees and i understand the commonalities of all faiths, their origins, and their set up.  I dont understand how a faith that doesnt believe God interferes with life down here, believe that a book that has been manipulated by Men (who are faulty by gender), researched by a man (faulty again), and continues to be spread by men (who by the way are only approved by other faulty men that can have personal sins which would disqualify them) be a "true" and "only real" faith system.  Also, the person that started a faith was living in a time in which racism, hatred, hate crimes, etc. were social customs, so it is hard to believe that somehow a man that was brought up with such beliefs didnt fall victim to the stupidity of his time be a disciple for Jesus.
And lastly, I see the women are weak and let the men run over them, i know several couples in which there has been infidelity, verbal and physical abuse in the marriage and they stay.  Which is insane to me because I feel that God isnt the one in the unhappy marriage, so i get to have happiness and not live with someone who shouldnt be married.  So it is wrong for me to divorce someone who isnt a good husband without the infidelity, the mental abuse is just as worse?

ANSWER: Hi Nicole,
I will try to answer your questions about Jehovah's Witnesses. And, I will respond to a few things that you mentioned even though you did not put them in the form of a question.

"He says they cant date outside the church"
This is true, although some do and as a result are viewed as spiritually weak. Some are disfellowshipped, not just for dating but for becoming sexually active with the person they are dating.

"I dont understand how a faith that doesnt believe God interferes with life down here"
Jehovah's Witnesses have two different beliefs about this.
1. That Jehovah does not interfere with things down here to prove what happens when humans try to govern themselves. Satan made the challenge (in the Garden of Eden) and so Jehovah has allowed Satan and rebellious humans free reign to see what happens.
2. Jehovah does interfere with things down here to promote his kingdom interests and to uphold his own name. He directs the preaching work being done by JWs and directs the angels to carry out assignments in the earth. He answers the prayers of his true worshipers.

"So it is wrong for me to divorce someone who isnt a good husband without the infidelity, the mental abuse is just as worse?"
To be sure, mental abuse can be as bad, or worse than, any other type of unfaithfulness. Strictly speaking, the Bible says a person cannot leave their mate AND MARRY ANOTHER except for adultery. Common sense might tell you that there are other reasons to leave someone.

On a side point, in response to some of the other things you mention, may a recommend a few books that you might enjoy?
Who Wrote The Bible by Richard Elliot Friedman
The End of Faith by Sam Harris
God Is Not Great by Christopher Hitchens
The Pagan Christ by Tom Harpur

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QUESTION: I would like to ask what is the belief towards listening to music made for god (gospel music).  Why is it so wrong?  Also, what are the general beliefs towards the position of women in the organization?

Answer
Hi Nicole,

It is good to hear from you again. It has been a while. I hope that things have been good with you. I will get right to answering your questions.

Jehovah's Witnesses do not listen to any god-related music, gospel music, that is not produced by Jehovah's Witnesses. JWs believe that religious music from outside the organization is part of false religion, part of "Babylon the Great" and from Satan, no matter how inspiring or uplifting the music might be. This view has nothing to do with the words or the musical arrangement of the song. It is a blanket rejection of anything religious that is not purely Jehovah's Witnesses.

The belief towards women is that they are equal before Jehovah, that Jehovah's approval of a person has nothing to do with gender. However, as far as organizational structure is concerned, women cannot and do not hold any appointed positions in any congregations of Jehovah's Witnesses. Men are to take the lead. Women are to be subservient. Women are not allowed to "teach" or to speak directly to the congregation. They can raise their hand from the audience to make comments from their seat during question/answer sessions. They are not allowed to pray out loud before the congregation when a baptized male is present. In summary, the general belief is that women do not have a "position" in the organization, other than to be a faithful Witness along with all others.

I hope this helps you to understand how the congregations operate with regard to women.
Robert J