My unbaptized (publisher) wife spent a whole night with a man i don't know and came home the next day morning.before the elders she denied having any affair with the man.she said they were just friends and the man asked her out without my notice. she only took soft drink but the man drank heavily and he drove my wife straight to his house. she said as soon they reached his house she asked her in and told her that he wants to sleep for a while but he will take her to her home later. my wife firmly said the man did not touch her.the case became public. the elders denounced her as publisher and she was not happy with them. After 6 month she was accepted again as a publisher and since she said she did nothing bad with the man i continue staying with her. Six months later she got baptized but ever since the case happened i have being asking her to tell the truth until a week ago she confessed that the man forced her into sex and threaten her that when she utter the truth he (man) will lose his job and she will get divorced. She cried and beg for forgiveness. What should i do because her unbelieving mother doesn't support the marriage. Right now she's baptized, can i divorce her ?
I have being educating myself for more than 2 years.
AnswerI am re-submitting this answer based on new information. Please see the additional section below concerning what the elders are told
Hello, and thank you so much for your question. I am really sorry to hear your story. I am sure there are a lot of thoughts going on in your mind.
First, please know that God loves you and also loves your wife. His design for marriage was that two become one flesh (Mark 10:8). This means that both the husband and wife act as one and should hide nothing. Based on what you are telling me, you have many unanswered questions. You have been hurt. Many marriages go through these same problems, however I have seen many marriages succeed despite this pain you currently feel.
You said that you have been educating yourself for more than two years. I assume that you mean that you have been studying with Jehovah's Witnesses and are concerned with the rules of this organization. If you are looking for organizational rules, I am not qualified to answer your question. I would recommend asking Brenton Hepburn as he will give you tactful insight into what you seek.
The elder's handbook, "Shepherd the Flock" states on p. 129 the following: "In some cases adultery is not proved, but it is established by confession or by two or more witnesses that the mate stayed all night in the same house with a person of the opposite sex (or a known homosexual) under improper circumstances. The elders should carefully consider the situation. Were the individuals together all night? Were improper circumstances involved? For example, were the two persons alone? Is there evidence of a romantic relationship? What were the sleeping arrangements? Even if adultery is not established, it may be that the Christian was involved in an immoral sleeping arrangement. Although the elders cannot tell the innocent mate that he is free to marry because adultery was not proved, in view of the circumstances, if the innocent mate is convinced that adultery did occur, the elders may allow him to take responsibility before Jehovah for obtaining a Scriptural divorce; if he remarries, no judicial action will be taken."
If you are simply looking for my thoughts, here they are. You asked what you should do. You should pray. Express your pain to God. Allow Christ to carry your burden. Matthew 11:28 says, "Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Turn to them in your darkest hour and seek their guidance. Do this continually and take no negative action on your marriage until you receive a clear message from your Father in heaven. Be still and know that He is God. (Ps. 46:10)
I am not familiar with the laws of your country. In my country, you would have every right to get divorced, but that doesn't mean that it is God's will.
The movie Fireproof
is a wonderful movie that speaks on handling marital problems such as yours. If you have access to it, I would highly recommend viewing it. Consider whether or you looking for a man's answer on what you should do, or God's answer. Allow God to speak directly to you. I wish you the very best in your troubled time, and I will be in prayer for you as well.