Expert: Brenda Martin - 5/18/2003

Question
Are there problems inherent in a marraige where one of the partners is a JW and the other is not?

Answer
Hi Bev, you asked--ARE THERE PROBLEMS INHERENT IN A MARRAIGE WHERE ONE OF THE PARTNERS IS A JW AND THE OTHER IS NOT?

Most definately--God's direction for Christians is very clear: ‘Marry only IN the Lord.' (1 Corinthians 7:39) so it must pose problems if someone marries "outside" the Lord.

In a few cases, the unbeliever eventually has became a Christian. However, marriages to unbelievers have often proved disastrous. Those unevenly yoked do not share the same beliefs, standards, or goals. (2 Corinthians 6:14) This can have a detrimental effect on communication and on marital happiness. For instance, one Christian woman greatly bemoaned the fact that after an upbuilding meeting, she could not go home and discuss spiritual things with her unbelieving mate.

However, most of Jehovah's servants in divided homes have learned the truth only AFTER marriage,(myself included) and have then found that their mates are not interested in pursuing the way of the truth and sharing with them in the Kingdom service. They are in the married state with one who does not share their views of the truth of God's Word, which Jehovah's Witnesses earnestly embrace.

speaking for myself when I have seen a witness choose to marry "outside" I have thought they don't know what they are letting themselves in for. Now don't get me wrong I have been married for 32 years now and he is a smashing man, but I would never have chosen to marry someone whose not a witness. I was married first, then I became a witness.

1.Why? Because think, when it comes to things like Christmas and Easter etc. and kids are involved, they are getting brought up with 2 different standards. One partner is giving them gifts and the other is not.

2.the witness partner is taking their kids along to the meetings all on their own and they are surrounded by families all attending together. then you come home from the meeting and your hubby is not wanting to hear all about your religious stuff.

3.then theirs your standards you live by in everyday life ,they are totally different from your partner's, for instance, the witness knows how important spending quality time with your kids is, prayer at mealtimes, prayer at bedtime, studying the bible with them, but your partner may feel that is all a waste of time and get annoyed at the attention your kids get and not him.

I can see totally why Jehovah says to "marry only in the Lord" that way you both have the same standards and goals. You go to meetings together, come home together, discuss the bible together, bring up children together, both partners are trying to live by the same book, so when problems arise they both use the same method of solving them, (look to the scriptures for advice)

Consider  God's law to Israel. Suppose an Israelite girl agreed to marry a Canaanite man. Given the sexual practices that were prevalent in the land of Canaan, what respect would he have for the law of her God? Would he, for example, willingly refrain from sexual intercourse during menstruation, as required by the Mosaic Law? (Leviticus 18:19; 20:18; compare Leviticus 18:27.)

In the case of an Israelite man who married a Canaanite girl, how supportive would she be when he journeyed to Jerusalem three times each year to attend the seasonal festivals? (Deuteronomy 16:16) Obviously, God's law prohibiting such marriages served as a protection for the Israelites.

The moral standards of worldly people today are a far cry from those of the Bible. No matter how clean-cut some worldly people may appear to be, they do not have a Bible-trained, Christian conscience. They have not spent years studying God's Word, ‘making their mind over' and ‘stripping off the old personality.' (Romans 12:2; Colossians 3:9) Hence, the Christian who yokes himself to an unbeliever often exposes himself to much heartache and grief. Some face repeated pressure to share in perverted sex practices or to celebrate worldly holidays. And some even complain of loneliness. As one witness wrote: “The loneliness you feel when you are married to someone who doesn't love Jehovah is the worst loneliness imaginable. You see, you have no one to share the truth with, which is the most important thing in your life.”

In a divided home, it can be very difficult to bring up children in “the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah.” (Ephesians 6:4) Will the unbeliever, for example, willingly allow the children to attend meetings or share in the field ministry? Often the children end up being torn in their affections—they love both parents, but only one parent loves Jehovah. Said one witness who married an unbeliever: “I went through a lot of heartache during my 20-year marriage. My sons grew up with a lot of turmoil and emotional upsets and are now a part of the world. My daughter is often upset at having to be away from me so much because of her father's visitation rights. All these problems exist because when I was 18, I chose to ignore one of Jehovah's principles.” What principle? Do not yoke yourselves with unbelievers!

Clearly, Jehovah wants us to get the most out of life. What he asks of us, including his counsel that we not yoke ourselves with unbelievers, is for our good. (Deuteronomy 10:12, 13) To marry an unbeliever is to ignore Scriptural counsel, practical wisdom, and the often painful experience of others.

I hope I have managed to give you a picture of the problems that arise in divided households, basically, serving Jehovah comes first in a witnesses life, and every single thing they do and say is wrapped up in serving Jehovah. The world even says it is better to marry someone you have things in common with, don't they. For a witness to marry someone whose not a witness they are marrying someone with whom they have virtual nothing in common or at least they are marrying someone who is not putting God first in their life ,so it is bound to have its problems.

all the best brenda