Expert: Sherman D. - 11/5/2006

Question
My husband and I (we are non-Jews) will be dining at a kosher restaurant with friends who are Orthodox and keep kosher.  What should we know before going so we don't do anything to embarrass them?  Do I need to cover my long hair or prepare otherwise in advance?

Answer
If you wanted foods, then why did you confuse me with "Do i need to cover my long hair or prepare otherwise in advance?"

If you also wanted foods, then you should had told me that was what you wanted.

In my psychoanalytic practice, I have frequently had the opportunity to observe Orthodox Jewish analysands as they gave up rituals and ceremonies to which they had previously conformed. These detachments obviously are not accomplished all at once any more than are those of an obsessive compulsive abandoning the neurotic ceremonial of his private religion (Freud, 1913b). I was struck by observing that the sequence in which the various prohibitions and their protective prescriptions were abandoned was approximately the same in these differently structured neuroses. Usually the daily prayers go first, the ritual dietary laws last. Naturally, environmental fixations may play a part in this selection. The religious practices that the environment cannot control are given up later than those that are exposed to authorities. This is no explanation, however, as the same pattern occurs in individuals living in isolation.

found at www.pep-web.org/document.php?id=jaa.023.0007a

I thought you wanted to know what to wear or how to wear it.

All i can say is to observe what they do. If they are your friends, they should understand that you are not jewish and do not know the ways of jewish eating rituals, and therefore you may be a little unorthodox. I would think they would let you know what is right or not. Just tell them that you appologize in advance if you might be a little unorthodox, they should understand. Another option is just to ask them are there any thing you need to know before you sit down, like if you should eat like you normally do. It is better to feel embarrassed asking than to feel embarrassed doing.