About Andy Expertise I can help prepare candidates for job interviews; assist in discussing problems with your supervisors or peers; help in creating a resume that gets results; answer general work related questions.
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Question Hi, I have a big problem. Here it goes... my boyfriend and I are planning on moving in together later this year. He is in bootcamp now for the Navy and if I moved out there with him (San Diego, CA) I would probably be working, saving money to go to college the following year. However, if I don't move and stay here in TN, I would be starting college in about a month. I don't know what would be the best thing to do. We want to get married in a couple of years and I don't want to end up not going to college... money isn't really the problem... I just can't handle my parents anymore and I would like to experience something for myself. What do you think I should do?
Thank you so much,
Azra
Answer Dear Azra,
I can appreciate the confusion in terms of what you should do in this situation. One method I use to unclog my brain when considering a difficult decision involves making a “Pro” & “Con” list. Basically, these are two lists. One lists the advantages of moving to San Diego; the other lists the disadvantages of making the move. Although this list doesn’t determine the decision you should make, it does help in getting a proper perspective.
No one has a crystal ball & this is one of many, many decisions you will make in a lifetime. Some decisions work out for the best while others do not. These are the life experiences that help mold us as a person, a friend, a coworker etc. There is always a risk in every decision we make & frankly, neither staying or leaving for San Diego can absolutely confirm your happiness or that your relationship will last forever.
Your boyfriend has obviously made his decision. However, I wonder if he discussed his decision with you & how he would have reacted if you had asked him not to join the Navy. Or if the roles were reversed? Does he understand the dilemma you now face based on the decision he made? Have you discussed your concerns with him? Doing so should help you in the decision making process. You both have tremendous opportunities with your boyfriend joining the Navy & with you seriously considering college. You must keep in mind that developing your own individual selves does not automatically mean trouble for your relationship. In fact, it can make the relationship grow even stronger because you have a balance between doing something for yourself as well as for the relationship. If you invest too much energy into the relationship (such as relocating to San Diego, going straight into the workforce & delaying your college education as you are considering), you could very easily end up neglecting yourself. Resentment about your personal needs that were sacrificed for the relationship, feeling & acting in an overly dependant way towards your boyfriend, feeling incomplete as a person can all result. You have to decide what is most balanced for you.
The easiest time to attend college is right after high school. It is much more difficult balancing the needs of work & school as you get older. Also, most employers look for a combination of experience & education when looking at potential employees. By getting your Associates or Bachelor degree sooner rather than later, you’ll improve your chances of climbing the ladder to success. College provides many benefits that simply cannot be measured in financial terms. College offers many experiences because it gives you the opportunity to interact with people of different backgrounds & viewpoints. The bonds you make in college can last a lifetime & the connections that you make can help you later in your career.
I know you want to get away from your parents & experience something for yourself. However, college gives you that opportunity to experience & learn something new everyday. There are many ways to stay in touch with your boyfriend & you can schedule visits during school breaks or during his breaks in training. None of this disrupts the marriage plans you’ve made in the years to come. Finally, I would consider whether what your boyfriend is asking of you is really fair and reasonable. I would also seek the advice from those you trust whether it is a friend, a family member, someone from church or a counselor at school. It can be helpful to hear the point of view from others.
Please let me know if you find some of my comments helpful. I wish you all the best in whatever life decision you make. Best of luck to you.
