Expert: Matt McDonald - 2/26/2005

Question
Ok well... I'm not really a standup comedian but I just kind of figured that they related. When I'm around friends and they say stuff I find it really hard to be funny. Im extremely serious and sensitive, but I am a perfectionist in that I always want to improve every aspect of myself. Everyone's input is welcome. I was hoping you could tell me general guidelines to being funny in conversation and public communication and then elaborating on those guidelines so that I could turn the principles you give me into understanding and then apply it eventually as a 6th sense. I really appreciate your help and I hope I interpret your advice well. Consider yourself one of my many teachers :-). Teachers are awesome. Again, I appreciate the help. Hardest subject for me... socializing and humor.

Answer
Autif,

Comedy is not defined by precise guidelines and, in my opinion, cannot be learned from the ground up. A person can develop their innate sense of humor and sharpen it, but I personally do not believe a sense of humor, at a base level, can be developed from scratch. Comedy is too variant in form and not based upon a predictable model of action-reaction, etc. Conversational humor is wholly organic, being created in the moment based on what's being discussed at any particular point in a conversation.

As a result, I can't really help you – a sense of humor can't, to my mind, be “formulated” or learned in any real way. At least, for me it didn't happen that way. Some people are smart, some people are personable, some people are engaging, some people are funny.

However, there is at least one person who disagrees with me and he has written a book. It's by Jon Macks and it's called “How to be Funny”. You can find it at Barnes and Noble. However, even he admits that some people are anti-funny and cannot be helped (which is not to say that you are anti-funny, but just to let you know that he agrees with me to some extent). I've never seen this book, never read it, etc. but maybe it will help you.

Also, you might find that part of your problem is simply one of shyness. If you become more comfortable as a speaker, you may find that with your comfort comes a sense of confidence that leads to humor. Humor is basically a by-product of confidence of one sort or another. Most stand-up comics are terribly, painfully shy in group settings so they tend not to be funny at parties and large social gatherings. If you asked any of the people who met me at various parties through the years, I'm sure they would be astounded to learn that I had a long and respected “career” in stand-up. I'm simply not funny if I'm not in control of the situation. BUT I am very confident when in my element – among friends or when I can dictate the direction of a conversation. Therefore, the stage brings out my confidence and allows me to really bring my sense of humor forth. Perhaps your issue is similar – you may find that if you gain more confidence in social settings, you'll find a natural ear for humor. As a result, you might want to go to Toastmasters. They concentrate on public speaking, but can help in many ways that relate generally to personal interaction.

Finally, “business comedy” might be something to look into. There are several books that will give you advice on how to write comedy for business engagements, speaking, etc. These may give you some insight as to the tools and structure of comedy. In addition to books on the subject, here are some web sites that deal with business humor.
http://www.antion.com/humor/speakerhumor/speakerhumor.htm
http://halife.com/speakers/speakers.html
http://www.squaresail.com/onhumor1.html

I hope some or all of the above will help you improve and develop your sense of humor.

Matt