AboutLatoya Expertise Sometimes our vision can become cloudy when dealing with love and relationships, and sometimes a second voice is needed. Allow me to be that voice of reason. I will be able to provide you with advice, options & necessary steps to handle the situation at hand. I am not proclaiming to have all of the answers, but please know that I will try my best to answer your questions as affectively as possible. I can assure you that any questions you may have regarding love, relationships, If he/she really likes you, etc..will be answered in a timely manner.
Experience Each individual relationship I've been in has allowed me to gain a notch of experience that I have placed on my belt of knowledge. Through my many experiences I've learned how to recognize if a relationship is or is not a healthy one. My knowledge allows me to assist friends and family members when in need of sound advice.
Education/Credentials Experience from high school, college and life
Question QUESTION: Hi! I'm 20 years old. For a month now, I've been seeing a guy my age. I stay over about every other night, we've gone on dates, and I've met some of his friends. He's said on a few occasions, "I REALLY like you." He always refers to us as "hanging out", calls me a couple of times a day, sees me and asks, "How's my baby?", and when I asked him a couple of weeks ago what he was looking for, if it was just sex, he said that's not what he was looking for but wouldn't tell me what he WAS looking for because I wouldn't tell him first. When an older coworker was asking him about me he said, "I don't know how she knew I had a girlfriend but she asked if I had a new girlfriend and just said, 'I don't know, I'm not worried about it.'" My mom referred to him as my boyfriend and me as his girlfriend in front of us. I didn't object to it only because he was standing right there and I didn't know what to say. He didn't say anything about it, I'm guessing because it was my mom and he wasn't about to go into the "she's not my girlfriend" line in front of us, but he never said anything about it afterwards, except mentioning something my mom had said to him that included the words "your girlfriend".
My question is, I don't understand what he and I are doing. We're not in a relationship, but we're not casually hanging out, I don't think. I really like him, and I'd like to know where I stand with him and what he's looking for. I know it's only been a month and most people say that's too soon to be dating, but it's frustrating when I go out and a guy hits on me. Am I single? I haven't been seeing anybody else. Or a friend asks who he is. He's my...friend? Not quite.
Is it appropriate to ask him what he's looking for? If he's seeing other people? I don't understand it and I'd really like to know so I can stop guessing, no matter what we are. What's the best thing to say without freaking him out?
Thank you very much!!
ANSWER: Hello Marie,
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to answer your question.
Let me first say that a month is not too soon to be dating, when two people reach an agreement that they are going to date each other exclusively then that is that. It can be a day after meeting, it can be a year later. The fact that he is wanting to know what you are looking for before he will disclose his thoughts and feelings could possibly be a good sign. Men hate rejection, so if he has feelings for you and he's wanting to pursue a relationship, he may be fearful that if he tells you this you may inform him that you're not. He may need to hear it from you first.
It is normal for you to have questions about where you both stand and I can't stress enough the importance of you getting an answer from him. You could possibly start the conversation with him by letting him know what you are looking for in a man/relationship. Explain to him that you do not do sleep overs, hang out etc..just because. Based on your statement you need to know what it is that he's looking for and what his definition is of what you both have going at this current time.
Since you are telling him what you are looking for in a man & relationship vs. telling him that you really like him, etc.. it hopefully will not freak him out. Ask him again what he's looking for and when he ask you to tell him first, you tell him. Don't hold anything back on telling him what you desire in a mate, once you give him the answer then ask him again. Once he tells you, then you ask him what it is that you both are doing and where does he see it leading? I know you don't want to freak him out, but this is truly something you need to know for yourself Marie. You have to find out so that you will know how to proceed. Good luck!
If you have any other questions or concerns please don't hesitate to follow-up.
Latoya
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thank you so much! I really appreciate your advice, it really helped me figure out what I want out of it. See, up until this guy, I didn't want a boyfriend, I just wanted to meet new people and enjoy being single.
However, there is one problem. A little over a month from now I'm moving 45 minutes away to start college again. The guy is aware of this and has pointed out we won't get to see eachother much. On a good note, it's a lot closer than the last college I was attending. And although he said he'd probably come down and see me from time to time, I don't know if this will affect him wanting or not wanting to be with me. I want to ask him out, but I don't know how to say it. I want to let him know that to me, my moving away isn't a big deal. I'm nervous to ask him out at all because even though he's been with and "hung out" with a lot of girls, he's only actually dated a few, and I'm afraid of rejection because I don't know what his standards are to date a girl. Should I wait closer to when I move to ask him out, or right now? What's a good line to start the conversation?
Once again, thank you so so so much!!
Answer Hello again Marie,
I completely understand being afraid of rejection, but sometimes being rejected is a chance we all must take if we want to explore the possibilities of being with someone. Maybe you could saying something like "I know that I'm moving quite some distance, but I hope that we will continue to see each other at every opportunity." Now should be the time that you try to find out exactly how he feels, because it takes 2 strong individuals who are on the same page to make a long distant relationship work. You should ask him definitely again what it is that he's looking for. If he asks you what you're looking for and if you are brave enough, tell him you're looking for someone like him. I know that it takes a lot of courage to express how you feel to someone you really care about, but it is better that you know sooner than later. Good luck and I'm here to answer all of your questions.
