AboutLatoya Expertise Sometimes our vision can become cloudy when dealing with love and relationships, and sometimes a second voice is needed. Allow me to be that voice of reason. I will be able to provide you with advice, options & necessary steps to handle the situation at hand. I am not proclaiming to have all of the answers, but please know that I will try my best to answer your questions as affectively as possible. I can assure you that any questions you may have regarding love, relationships, If he/she really likes you, etc..will be answered in a timely manner.
Experience Each individual relationship I've been in has allowed me to gain a notch of experience that I have placed on my belt of knowledge. Through my many experiences I've learned how to recognize if a relationship is or is not a healthy one. My knowledge allows me to assist friends and family members when in need of sound advice.
Education/Credentials Experience from high school, college and life
Question My friend and I are both 20 years old, and have known each other for 5 months now, although it seems like we've always been friends. When we first met through a mutual friend he couldn't stand me - I was too quiet and we just didn't click. But after hanging out a few more times we became inseparable and started getting together alone and not with our mutual friend. As it is, he's gay and after becoming best buds he labeled me his fag hag. We have been through a lot of the same life experiences which bonded us even more, and we're both open books to each other. It's honestly one of the best relationships I've ever had with a person, and early on I promised him I wouldn't become the stereotypical fag hag who falls in love with her homo and ruins everything. We didn't want to become "Will and Grace". We hug, cuddle, touch inappropriately for laughs, and have even kissed and slept naked together. Through all of it I have never had any romantic feelings for him, or misread his actions as meaning something deeper like a lot of girls accidentally do with gay guys. This was just our expression of a content and happy friendship. But then things got complicated. About three weeks ago we went camping together and after having a little too much to drink, on top of us both being sexually frustrated, we had sex - twice in two days. Even after that things weren't awkward and there was still no romantic connection. We actually joked about it with each other and just laughed it off like it was no big deal, other than I think it hurt his pride a little. Fast forward to a week later. We're in Toronto for their Gay Pride Week. Seeing as how their drinking age is 19, we happily went bar hopping and danced our little drunk butts off together. Our first night there we had sex again and all was well like usual - alcohol seems to be a repeating factor in this equation. However, on our last night there, he was dancing with a guy, as was I, and after wards his guy decided to follow us back to our hostel for some action. I was perfectly fine with this and agreed to wait outside while they did their thing and he promptly told my guy to leave me alone or he would punch his lights out because I wasn't looking to go home with this guy who was very insistent that I did. So we get back to the hostel and I plop my drunk self on the stairs and pass out while they go back to our room. After however long he comes back out and helps me back to our room and gets naked and lays down in bed, which is a usual thing. For whatever reason I woke up angry on those stairs and wouldn't talk to him, but decided to lay with him for awhile and then anger took over and I stumbled my way around the room till i found my cigarettes and left. When I got back he was a total wreck. He was laying in bed crying and hyperventilating because I wouldn't talk to him and had just left him there alone. And I guess things with the guy hadn't gone very well. He felt too guilty leaving me by myself and couldn't get it up and had kicked the guy out and then couldn't find me because he forgot I went into the stair well. What a mess! I tried to reassure him that all was well, and I wasn't really mad. At least I was safe inside our hostel and I hadn't wanted to ruin his little "date". After unsuccessfully trying to comfort him and stop his crying for an hour he blurted out that things weren't okay and that he was confused and I just didn't understand. Say what? He then proceeds to tell me that he likes me - a lot. That ever since we had sex the first time he's had feelings for me and he was angry and jealous that I was dancing with another guy at the bar. He had hoped I would take him away from the guy he was with and wanted to dance with me instead. He even posed the question "why do you think I spend so much time with you?" I was a little taken aback and just brushed it off that he was drunk and things would be fine in the morning, but he kept insisting that he meant everything he was saying and told me to "check back" with him in the morning. When I told him it would never work because I can't give him what he wants sexually he told me I could get a strap on and the like to please him. I just let out an uncomfortable laugh and again told him everything was fine, kissed him, and we both passed out. When we woke up we briefly discussed the previous nights happenings and regrets and he again told me he meant what he said about liking me and that was the end of that. On our drive home all of this is echoing through my mind but we resort to small talk for the majority of the car ride, only briefly bring up the other topic. It seemed like a touchy subject for him and he wouldn't really say too much so I just told him that he couldn't possibly like me, and that I wouldn't allow it because it wasn't right. He's gay. And I'm a girl. Now it's all that I can think about. I feel myself slowly falling into crush mode which I never wanted or expected to happen. I keep distancing myself from him. When we hang out I'm always silent and I know he knows something is wrong, but I rarely share my true feelings - even with him. What makes things even more difficult is his reluctance to talk about anything that happened in Toronto and the fact I told him he's not allowed to like me. I'm going crazy with all of this in my head. There's no question in my mind that he's gay - he's always known since he was little that he was "different". It's never been a struggle for him to understand his sexuality and he fully embraces it. But now I can feel that my heart is starting to play a role in our relationship and I don't know how to confront this. I wish I could just move on and play it like nothing ever happened, but I can't. I guess my main question would be do I say something to him? Do I tell him that I have feelings for him as well? Or do I just let go and try to go back to a normal friendship? Because I definitely don't want to ruin our friendship over this, and it's so confusing with the way he acts about the whole situation now. Just trying to avoid any mention of it. I'm sorry this turned into such a novel but this is all the important information that is making me so confused and hopefully you can help me find some sort of resolve and peace in your answer. Thanks for your time! It's very much appreciated.
Answer Hello Kari,
Thank you for the opportunity to answer your question. I don't know if your friend had ever been with a woman until you, but if not..he may have just assumed for whatever reasons only obvious to him that he was gay. I've never ever heard of a gay guy having sex with a woman more than once unless he was bisexual. There is no doubt in my mind that he is confused, especially if he's told himself all his life that he was gay and then he started to feel these intense feelings for you. He may be suppressing any desires to continue opening up to you because of your negative reply. You're shooting him down, without even thinking clearly on what you're feeling in your own mind. You definitely need to talk to him, especially if you believe you are catching feelings for him. You need to know if he's going to be able to commit to you and not see other guys if you both do decide to pursue a relationship. If he says that he needs you to partake in activities to fulfill the longing he has for a male..then you have to decide if this is something that you will be able to handle. This is your friend, the person who you say you can talk to about anything, so why can't you express your confusion, or what you're feeling for him? You definitely should be able to, I say talk to him. Good luck!
