AboutLatoya Expertise Sometimes our vision can become cloudy when dealing with love and relationships, and sometimes a second voice is needed. Allow me to be that voice of reason. I will be able to provide you with advice, options & necessary steps to handle the situation at hand. I am not proclaiming to have all of the answers, but please know that I will try my best to answer your questions as affectively as possible. I can assure you that any questions you may have regarding love, relationships, If he/she really likes you, etc..will be answered in a timely manner.
Experience Each individual relationship I've been in has allowed me to gain a notch of experience that I have placed on my belt of knowledge. Through my many experiences I've learned how to recognize if a relationship is or is not a healthy one. My knowledge allows me to assist friends and family members when in need of sound advice.
Education/Credentials Experience from high school, college and life
How are you doing my friend? I am the same Mehdi who asked you before about the conflicts of his new relationship. Those issues about hurt feelings seems to be resolved between us.She has problems with my past specially with my child and her place in my heart, believing that she will always be second. We were supposed to go out together on a casual and friend-only basis,and did so for a week, but somehow it turned to something very emotional. It seems to have frightened her, she seems to think our union in wedding is almost impossible and out of fear of dependency and getting hurt, has restricted our meetings.She claims this is for ME, not herself, and she would do anything to avoid hurting me, even if I don't like it. She obviously likes me a great deal but is fighting with her feelings.I want to help her overcome the negative thoughts in her mind but don't know what to do. Should I distance myself a little from her, going along with her restriction plans, give her time and space? What if this is the beginning of the end? I fear I might lose her. Please help me.
P.S. by the way she hasn't married before, that romantic interest I told you about was just a suitor.
ANSWER: Hello Mehdi,
I'm well thank you. Sorry to hear that she hasn't come around yet, these things take time..sometimes a great length of time, remember making her comfortable enough to give her heart again is not something that will happen over night. You should try explaining to her that you have room in your heart for both your child and her. Let her know that you would love for her to get to know your child & vice versa. Have you ever invited her out on a gathering with you and your child? See if she will be willing to open up and go with you on an outing. Express to her how important it would be to you and how good it would be for the both of you and what you're both wanting to accomplish in your unity. Keep me posted & good luck!
Latoya
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QUESTION: Hello Latoya. I think the only way to get around the problem about my child is to make her love me so much to disregard this issue.Currently she is trying to appear reasonable and logical and unemotional and all that...but she is making a poor effort. The emotional side and her passion has shown themselves on many occasions.As I told you she is fighting a fierce battle inside her own soul.On one hand she likes me too much to let go,knowing my exceptional honesty, purity of heart and kindness is something rare to find, and on the other hand there is the problem of my past and child, and also her own bitter experience which has made her look on love and feelings with doubt and cynicism.In my country being unmarried before is a plus in cases of marriage, and so her family would hardly approve of her marriage with a divorced man.THAT is another problem in itself. Complicated is the word here,don't you think? Sorry to bother you with my problems. I need your counsel.
ANSWER: Hello Mehdi,
There isn't a way to "get around" the fact that you have a child. A woman isn't going to disregard the fact that you have a past either, not until she feels 100% comfortable with the issue at hand. If she is truly battling within her own mind with everything you've stated, then believe me when I say that there is nothing that you can do to make her see your point of view. She has to make a decision on if she's going to accept your past and be with you, despite how her family may view the relationship or if she's going to walk away. It's obvious that she can't walk away from you because she does obviously have deep feelings for you. Have you tried asking her what you can do to ease her mind and prove to her that you truly do want to share a life with her?
Latoya
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QUESTION: Hello Latoya
No I haven't asked her this directly because I think there is no way to PROVE and MAKE someone SURE about a future which hasn't arrived yet...I have tried to explain things to her many times but she has her own method of reasoning and sees things only her way. Also she says I am taking this matter too lightly ,am too optimistic and haven't gave this matter enough serious thought.On the other hand she has deep feelings about me as you said, despite all her denials. You see she hasn't a doubt about my true intentions and has said so many times,and she is sure(according to her own words) that I will return any emotion and love tenfold. But believes I am too optimistic and wrong about the issue of my child and the potential problems that it could arise from a logical point of view, even though I think I AM right and this could be done.
P.S.Last night she did something very cute.She was going to give me a gift for Man's Day (We have a Man and a Woman Day here) and I knew about it as she had told me. She called me at 1 AM and woke me up, while all her family were asleep and so taking a risk, telling me she was too excited with the prospect me of giving me a gift and couldn't sleep!! :))
Today she gave it to me and had obviously spent a lot of time and creativity to pack it in a unique and artistic way(such a thing, spending a lot of time and using handcraft for just packing a gift is very uncommon here,even between couples).No one had given me such a gift before!
Answer Hello,
I'm not sure what you're saying or doing that is making her feel as if you're taking the matter too lightly Mehdi. I am trying my best to assist you in this matter, but I do know there are always 2 sides to every story and I'm only getting your view. (smile) I'm sorry, but I don't see why she feels as if there could be a potential problem just because you have a child. I'm confused on that, is it because of what "others" will think and how they will view her or is it something else?
I think it was a beautiful gesture on her part to take so much time and consideration in preparing and presenting a gift. Again, I say there is no doubt in my mind that she truly does care for you...
