About Lulu Expertise I can answer any questions having to do with dating, relationships, or wanting to know if someone likes you. If you want to know what is going through someone's mind, or why they are acting a certain way, I'm your gal! I'm not particularly good in the field of homosexuality, however.
Experience I have a gift of intuition and am great at giving advice. My friends all come to me when they have problems, and I truly care about each and every person's issues.
Education/Credentials I have taken psychology courses in the past, and have also gained much experience from high school.
Question Hi Lulu!
For the last few years one particular guy and I have been orbiting in and out of each other's lives. We had a fling a few years ago, and 6 weeks ago we started an exclusive hetero relationship.
He was absolutely gung-ho for us to be exclusive, even though we'd be a 4 hour flight apart (I am moving to where he lives in September). From the get-go I didn't believe he would be able to hack it and tried to get him to clarify his intentions and also get him to consider a non-monogamous set up. No dice.
Anyway, various things have aroused my suspicions about his honesty. I found the distance and the monogamy difficult and made a few fruitless efforts to re-introduce them into conversation.
While I was visiting him over the weekend I look through his phone and found text messages like, "Hey you, introduce me to a chick I'm f*cking horny," and, "Did I tell you hot (name) is yet?" Normally I would consider it a bad move to look through someone's phone & have never done it before.
We had a talk about it and decided we'd try to work things out if we could get through the breach of trust. My rationale goes like this: he didn't have sex with anyone and I was having trouble with the monogamy as well, so I don't feel right faulting him when I had felt the same way. He said that he didn't feel safe to say 'No' when I asked if the monogamy was working because he has never had a trusting relationship before.
Is this all just malarkey? Am I losing my logic somewhere here?
He seems to honestly want an exclusive commitment though he seems to lack the self-awareness and communication skills to make it happen. We are supposed to have another talk, but it has been 3 days and I am starting to doubt it will happen. I don't get it, if you don't wanna be exclusive with a girl and she is ok with that WHY (oh why) would a you say you wanted to be?
Should I just cut my losses, or stick it out a little longer to see if he actually changes anything?
Answer Dear Aurelia,
If this guy is bad at relationships and he truly wants to try to be in one with you, then give him a chance! You haven't caught him doing anything wrong. You are moving to where he lives soon... so is that for him? Because if you gave up the relationship, there wouldn't be any point. Wait, were the txts ones HE had sent? Because that changes everything. If you feel in your gut that you can't trust him, then go by it! If the relationship is too much work for you and causes you more pain than happiness, then move on. It doesn't hurt to wait it out a little longer thought.
-Lulu
