Expert: Latoya - 8/19/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hi Latoya

Im an 8th grader and i have a problem with my crush. It seems like he gives me signs that he likes me but then it doesnt seem like it anymore. Heres the deal with him,he has been one of my good friends for a year now and i have had a crush on him now and then. He tells me things he only tells his BEST FRIEND, hes a sensitve guy and he can even be really sensitive. He is funny smart and nice. When he is around me he doesnt treat me the same like any other girl that i have seen. Around me he is sensitive, funny and VERY SERIOUS. When he is around his friends he is mean to me (especially my ex boyfriend) He never argues with other girls and he doesnt goof off with them as much as me. Awhile back we had a fight about something and we didnt talk to each other for at least 3 weeks. Another wierd day i had with him is when he found out i liked another guy. When he found out he didnt talk to me for 2 weeks. He emails me, but he doesnt talk much and he only writes back like 4 words? why? Why is he being mean then nice then confusing me all at the same time? My friends dont think he likes me and i dont know about his friends, but i just really would like some help and answers please Latoya.

Kasi

ANSWER: Hello Kasi,

Thank you for the opportunity to answer your question.  One thing that bugs me most is a guy who sends mixed signals.  Kasi, I know that you like this guy but honestly who has time for the games & the drama.  He either likes you or he doesn't - whichever it may be he needs to display that.  I think it's rude on his part to be mean towards you when he's around his friends.  Yes, I know some guys do this to hide the fact of them liking a girl, but even when he has the opportunity to display how he feels through emails his words are very limited.  Kasi, my advice is to tell him you don't have time for the games and although you care for him you will not allow him to toy with your emotions.  Tell him to contact you when he's ready to grow up and keep it moving.  (smile)  I hope you don't find this to be harsh, but honestly Kasi a female shows a guy how she wants to be treated by what she puts up with.  Don't allow him to treat you this way okay?  If he's as sensitive as you say then the last thing he would want to do is hurt a good friend.  I won't doubt that he may genuinely care for you, but regardless he needs to be consistent in his actions.  I hope this helped.

Good luck!

Latoya

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank You Latoya.
Though for this school year should i tell him how i feel and tell him to grow up if he really does care for me? Recently he hasnt been that mean with his friends but im not sure if i should email him and tell him how confusing he makes me or should i confront him. which i dont think is going to happen because he doesnt have any classes with me this school year. What should i do? I really appreciate the advice and i will us it , but what should i do?

Answer
Hello again Kasi,

You should definitely let him know where you're coming from, but chose your words wisely to ensure not to offend him because this is someone that you truly like and care for.  Just let him know how you feel and explain to him that his actions confuses you and you need to basically know where he's coming from.  *If* he truly does like you and is *not afraid* of opening up to you then his response should be a good one.

Good Luck!

Latoya