How to Know if He/She Really Likes You/Is he interested
QUESTION: Hi, i'm really desperate to for any advice or opinions about my situation. It isn't anything really sexual per say but more of a love issue.
I met a guy over a year ago who was stationed in my country for 11mths for his job. He worked at my company thats how we met I fell for this guy immediately, but he was very shy and we did not hook up until 4 months after many dates and parties. I knew he liked me too but when we finally did become intimate we became very attached to each other.
for the next 6 months we had a relationship and I knew how much he cared by everything he did, said, the way he looked. Even my friends made comments about how much this guy liked me. They would always catch him looking at me when I wasn't and said you could see how much he cared. It was the most wonderful six months and after, he had to leave to return to his country. Within that time, we never said "I Love Yous" but we both knew we cared deeply for each other.
It was after I realised how much I fell in love with him and its been five months since then since we saw each other and my feelings have not changed. However, I am not certain that he feels the same or cares. We have kept in contact and chat alot through skype. He never brings up anything about him missing me and when I mentioned how I miss him he sometimes doesn't respond.
I finally built up enough courage to tell him that I loved him and I was willing to do what it takes to be with him and I asked how he truely felt towards me since he became so cold suddenly towards me and it was confusing me.
He responded by telling me, He was very very sad when the time came closer to leave me and he was thinking about ways to get me to France or he stay in my country. He said it would be a difficult move for both of us and never said anything to me. He said he did care for me while he was here and that he still does. However, since he got back he had to re-settle and he switched his job and had to move from Paris to Toluse and it was a whole lot of things happening that he wasn't thinking of anything else at the time. He also has to go to other countries for weekly visits regularly. He suggested that we be friends and who knows, if in a few months when he is settled in properly, he will know how he feels about us then. This discussion happened three months ago.
We still keep in touch and we send photos back and forth. The conversations are light hearted. He always compliments me on how i'm looking and wants to know whats going on with me but no (I miss you). I am going on three weeks vacation in April and I asked if he would be interested as it a adventure tour for Costa Rica and we both loved doing hikes when he was here. He immediatly said yes and wants to know my dates so he can apply for vacation and clear his schedule with his boss. I was very surprised by this. He said he is looking foward to this and will buy his tickets in February.
I had started to give up hope of anything happening further between us and now he does this and I am absolutely confused. Can anyone give me guidance, advice on how I should take this? Is he still interested in me or just using the opportunity to take his vacation too and have company. This is dredging up all kinds of emotions in me but I know how shy he is and I don't want to push him away nor do I want to get carried away either.
ANSWER: Hello Nesha,
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to answer your question. I would see him wanting to take vacation with you as a good sign that the relationship could move in the right direction, but I must stress try not to be intimate with him again. I say this because as a woman I know that when we have feelings for men and we become intimate our feelings grow deeper which tend to cloud our vision. A man who spent the type of quality time you both shared when he was stationed there would normally have no problem with expressing their emotions to you, no matter how far away. As for his shyness - 6 mos is a decent amount of time for someone to get over their shyness, especially if there has been a level of intimacy involved. If he doesn't know how he feels then he shouldn't be reaping the benefits of intimacy since you've made it clear to him how you feel. Try to stay strong when you both spend time together, even get your own room if possible, he needs to know you're serious and that you won't settle for less.
I hope that I've answered your question, please feel free to follow-up if not.
Thank you and Good Luck!
[an error occurred while processing this directive]---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Latoya, I much appreciate your response and I do believe that you are absolutely right. I have thought about it alot myself with regards to if we do spend time together, I should get my own room etc. This however will be so difficult!!! But I think it is best since I honestly don't know what to expect since he put me in the friend zone "because he is confused and not sure what he wants". I feel that him wanting to do this with me is a very good sign that perhaps he still cares for me. I must tell you that im 32 and he just turned 30 and this feels like silly teenage crushes but, I have had two long term relationships each lasting for over 5 years and this man makes me want to do things I never wanted to do for anyone else, not even myself! I knew I loved him then.
As for his shyness, yes, even after 10 months, it is difficult for him to speak of feelings unless I am threatening it out of him. But I never needed to because he was always showing it to me by everything he did. He admitted to being very shy and finds it difficult to say what he's feeling. He would only tell me if I ask.
Even after I told him how I felt and he told me his situation and I backed off we still kept in touch and it never felt awkward. He didn't forget my BD. He was the first to wish me Merry Christmas. On his BD he spoke to me for hours. He always wants to know what im doing. When he's going on his travels and won't be reachable, he lets me know and apologises. Its things like this that makes me wonder if he's hiding his feelings or just super nice!
Sigh, do miss him but I will try my best to do as you say.
I definitely know how difficult this will be, but you have to do it for your own sake. If you both drink, then definitely only allow yourself to have a two drink maximum, the mind becomes less clearer after this and you may find yourself back at his room or vice versa. You have the upper hand here, don't see it as the other way around. He's told you basically that he doesn't know what he wants which is only a tactic used to keep you hanging on until he does decide - don't give him that option. Go and have a great time on vacation and NEVER mention getting back with him.
Question: Who does more of the calling you or him? If it's mutual then slack off a bit from talking to him - Don't always be available to speak to him when he wants to talk. Men have a tendency to want their cake and eat it to while women just sit there waiting anxiously for them to make decisions. You need to keep focusing on you and allowing yourself to interact with others until he can make his decision. If he truly cares for you and want to be with you, then he will step it up. If he questions this then you should tell him that he put you in the friend zone and why should you have to sit and wait for him to decide how he feels for you? That's not being fair to you. Say it in a nice way of course. As long as you wait and allow things to stay in a friend status he may never commit. Definitely don't put anymore pressure on him, just allow yourself to do your own thing. Going out on dates and feeling appreciated and desired by others may help you not focus so much on him and his feelings.
I won't doubt that he cares for you, that he definitely does ... but only time will tell if it's strictly platonic or not.
Good luck and feel free to keep me posted.