How to Know if He/She Really Likes You/Is he for real?
QUESTION: Hi Latoya,
Happy new year!
Here's my situation:
I have a crush on one of the customers who comes to my work. We've talked a few times and I decided I would approach him today. The interaction was bizarre and I'm not sure what to think. I am going to write what happened and hopefully you can share your thoughts with me:
I was trying to avoid a creepy customer and I told my crush that when I walked up. He changed the subject and asked if I had fun during the holidays. I chatted about that for a minute and then went back to explaining why I was avoiding this creepy customer. At that very moment, a woman who was obviously shopping with him appeared. She gave me a funny look. I was mortified because for some reason I assumed she was his girlfriend or wife. Anyway, I got nervous and started looking down at the floor and kept blabbering and repeating what I had already said about the creepy guy. He said, "Is something wrong? You need to look in my eyes when you're talking to me." I couldn't tell if he was embarrassed for me or using it as an excuse to get me to look into his eyes. I looked at him skeptically for a minute and then blabbered some more. He turned to do something and turned back and said, "It's cool. He can just look at us and see you're protected because I'll kick his ass if he touches you." No doubt everyone within a 15 foot radius heard him say it. That made me uncomfortable, too. The woman he was with was waiting for us to finish our conversation. Then, he turned his back and finished his transaction. I was annoyed with his behavior at this point and I wandered off. When I was about 15 feet away he said loudly, "Thanks for letting me be your piece of meat." Then, he said good bye and called me the wrong name!
First off, I could kick myself for picking such a stupid conversation topic! I guess I was more nervous than I thought. He is generally more reserved also, but very flirtatious. Anywho, I can't tell if he's interested or is trying to play me. When I first met him I thought he was a douchebag because he's so cocky and he's a pro snowboarder. Then, I saw some "good guy" traits. Now I'm not sure. I see him 1-2 times a month and have interacted with him about 10 times. The fact that he doesn't know my name (and hasn't asked me out) makes me think he's not very interested. On the other hand, there's no reason for him to publicly announce he'll kick another guy's ass on my behalf if he just wants to play me. He's 35 and I think he might be married anyway. Obviously, I don't have much invested in this since I only see him once a month. Still, I have a big crush on him and I keep thinking about it. I would appreciate if you could give me your two cents on this guys behavior. You can critique mine too, if you would like, but I already know I wasn't on point!
THanks and thanks.
ANSWER: Hello Alia,
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to answer your question. It is possible the woman he was with was a girlfriend who didn't show more emotion due to the nature of the conversation you and him were having when she walked up. She may have also been just a friend, but if she gave you a look could have been someone who also had a crush on him. As for his actions when leaving the store - VERY childish, rude and uncalled for. The fact that he hasn't learned your name and you've had numerous interactions does say a lot, as for him announcing kicking ass - that was for the creepy guys benefit. Remember you had told him you were trying to avoid him. He may have taken as the guy stalking you or something.
As for your behavior, you just came off as a nervous person liking a guy. Nothing wrong with what you did at all, but I will make a few comments. When a man like a guy and he doesn't suffer from the "shy man" syndrome you'll definitely know it. This man appears to be overly confident and based on what you've shared has no fear of voicing what's on his mind. With this being said, when he comes to the store speak to him, but dont go out of your way to do so. Let him come to you if truly interested. I'm a bold person - if/when he come in and if he tries to interact with you definitely bring it to his attention that your name is Alia and not Lisa, Ellen or anything else.
I hope I've answered your question, if not please feel free to follow-up. Thank you!
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Hi Latoya,
I agree completely with what you said about not going out of my way to talk to him. I didn't realize he was THAT cocky. I can't tell if this is just how he acts because he thinks every woman wants him, or because he's trying to impress me. He actually embarrassed me and I have no idea what the point of that was. Anyway, do you think guys who are that cocky can ever be for real? Why do they hit on you in the first place if they aren't even interested?
I think cocky guys must get off their high horse before they can ever be taken seriously by any woman. A man who think he's God's gift to women will eventually realize their not when someone they truly desire show a lack of interest. I can only assume they hit on women to get a rise out of the women just to merely strokes their own egos. I refuse to invest any time or energy in men like this - I've found that many women who do only end up hurt. If you do decide to try spark his interest, proceed with caution.