How to Know if He/She Really Likes You/Can you help me with this guy?
QUESTION: Hey, so I'm 19, and I kind of have this thing for this guy, who's called Q. I only learned his real name a while ago because EVERYONE calls him Q. He's 22, and he's the funniest person I've ever met, hands down. We only started hanging out just the two of us maybe two weeks ago. We met maybe two months ago. He works at the movie theater that everyone around here goes to, and is sort-of friends with my friend Jim, who also works there. So we had hung out a few times in a group of five people or so. He seemed a little mean and he has a very harsh kind of personality but he's hysterical. He'll do anything to get a laugh, even if he looks like a fool. I say he has a harsh personality because he's very sarcastic and sensitive people could think he's mean. I know his sense of humor though, and he's nicer to me than anybody else.
He's far from what I usually am attracted to, considering I am bisexual and usually am attracted to girls, and he's nothing like the very few guys I find attractive, but I like him. Two weeks ago, I was going to the movies with my friend Ashley and she bailed on me once I got to the movie theater, where Q was clocking out. The theater is connected to a mall, and I saw him getting lunch and went over and talked to him. I think I surprised him and he seemed almost annoyed at first by my presence because I'm very bubbly and loud and he's really calm and sort of introverted. But after talking to him for maybe ten minutes while he ate, he asked me if I wanted to hang out with him at the mall for a while, and I said yes. We ended up staying there until it closed, and we sat in his car for two hours and got into this really deep conversation where he told me that he's dealt with a lot of sh*t in his life, which is why he has such a hard outer shell, and he doesn't really share any of his feelings with anyone because it would break his hard shell. He told me that in high school, he didn't really have friends and girls didn't have any interest in him, and no one would really accept him, so he kept to himself. I could just tell he's been through a lot, and he's been hurt, and that there's a lot more to him than what I've seen.
Since then, we've been hanging out a lot. Every time, he acts almost annoyed with me for the first twenty minutes or so, and makes a lot of sarcastic remarks and otherwise stays pretty quiet, which I just laugh off, and then after that, he becomes totally different. He warms up to me and he's nothing but sweet and attentive, and he just makes me feel completely safe and happy. I really like him, but I don't understand him at all. I've never had a difficult time understanding guys, but he's a complete mystery to me. I think he likes me because he treats me differently from anybody else, and he's nothing but patient and nice to me, and is sarcastic and kind of harsh with everyone else, but I could be wrong. I don't understand why the first twenty or so minutes, he acts annoyed, and then all of a sudden he does a complete turnaround and he's the nicest guy I've ever met. And I don't understand what he said about not being accepted by people. There's nothing wrong with him except his hard exterior. He's not weird looking, he always smells great and dresses normally, and he's so funny. He constantly has me laughing so hard that I'm in tears. I just don't get it. Can you help me? Do you think he likes me? Why does he act the way he does around me? And what do you think he meant about not being accepted and not having friends? Thank you so much.
ANSWER: Hello Tasha,
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to answer your question. I think it's great that you're allowing yourself to see pass Q's moments of annoyance he displays towards you at times. He's apparently showing there is more to him then his hardcore exterior and it takes a special person to be able to get pass a wall that has been built to avoid disappointments. I can relate to your friend and it's hard to let down those walls you've had up for years, this would explain why he is annoyed for a duration of time when you both hang out. Continue to be yourself and even thank him for taking the time to get to know you despite the bad experiences he's had in the past. Let him know if you think he's awesome.
My thoughts on his meaning about not being accepted is just that. Growing up there may have been something different about him that made him stand out from the so-called "normal" and due to this people may have made fun of him, bullied him or whatever. This would also be the reason why he had no friends. He began isolating himself and in the process built a wall to keep people from getting to know him since he had learned at a younger age that people only disappoint you. This is why I think it's great he's found something in you that makes him want to open up. Give him some time, if after a month or two he continues to act annoyed in the beginning then ask him about it. Ask him why he seem so annoyed with you when you both first talk, hang out, etc.. Ask if you do anything to offend him because this is never your intent. Communication is the key to any successful relationship or friendship.
I hope I answered your questions, if not please feel free to follow-up. Good luck to you!
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thank you! Two more small things: We've been texting pretty much all day every day for the last week, and he said to me last night, "You keep me up late every night texting, you know." and I responded "I'm sorryy! I like talking to you and I'm a night owl :P" to which he responded, "It's okay. I think it's good for me. (:" What does he mean by that?
And today he came to visit me at work (I work at a bagel shop) and I went over to him and said "Look at Q drinking coffee like an adult," to which he responded "Look at Q drinking coffee like someone who woke up 10 minutes ago to get here before the end of your shift." Can I assume this means that he likes me or is interested in me? I don't know.
Thank you for your follow-up. I think there are obvious signs that he likes you and enjoys getting to know you. I would like to advise you to try to enjoy getting to know him and try NOT to over analyze every situation - you'll take the fun out of getting know a guy who can be great!
Him staying up all night to text was great for him because he doesn't normally allow anyone to get close to him. Any person who wakes up and literally rushes to someone's place of employment to see them before they leave work is obviously liking them.
Remember - quiet the brain when it's trying to over-think and enjoy the time you both spend. Us women tend to over-think too much (smile).