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How to Know if He/She Really Likes You/He sends me mixed messages..does he really like me?

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I have read many of the public answered questions but I feel like my situation is a little different. Please help me me Nicolette. I am 22 years old. So there’s this guy, we’ll call him T, who I’ve known for 7 years, we became really good friends about 2 1/2 yrs ago and I noticed about 2 years ago that I was starting to have feelings for T as more than a friend. We began getting really, really close. He would call me all the time, we’d talk on the phone really late, hang out a lot, felt like we totally got each other and were getting really close. We told each other everything and knew everything about each other. I sat up with him in the ED all night long one night, we worked together to clean/pack/move a mutual friend’s house, and he helped me through the sudden death of a friend. We have a lot of the same interests and are in a community group together. We would flirt and things were great, but I still sometimes would get mixed signals and we were not holding hands/kissing/really “going out”, still wasn’t entirely sure if T liked me. Then out of the blue T tells me he is seeing a girl from his work. I was crushed and for some reason felt like I had to straight up tell T that I liked him (I now deeply regret doing that). T told me that he liked me too, didn’t know why he hadn’t said anything, and that now he was seeing this girl but if/when things changed with her he could see us together as a couple. (SN: T is 18 currently- 4 yrs younger than me, he also told me at the time that our age difference doesn’t matter to him). This was bittersweet, but I made myself cope with it. I tried to get over him but could not. That was about 1 1/2 yrs ago, he is now single, I had one relationship during that time, but just a short non-serious couple month kind of thing that I ended bc I felt no chemistry. We remained friends throughout but there was a period of almost a yr immediately after I confessed my feelings for him where things felt strained due to my honest confession. I am still in love with T today and crave a relationship with him. Over the past 6 months we have began to grow very close again, spending a lot of time together, long phone conversations, to the point where our mutual friends joke about us being together, although we sadly are not. But he still sends me mixed signals…some days he doesn’t text/call at all and ignores my texts, other days he calls me out of nowhere and we talk/hang out for hours on end. One of my closest friends (a girl) thinks he likes me but is just nervous/doesn’t want to label it gf/bf just yet and that I should just appreciate what I have without needing a title. I am willing to wait if needed (I’ve already waited for years), he’s the kind of guy I would wait forever for, but sometimes I worry that I am imagining things and seeing things he does/says as signs he likes me only bc that’s what I want to be true. If he would just come out and say he likes me too then I could be assured that it’s not all just in my head. What should I do? Does he really like me? Is it selfish of me to want to know for sure if it’s real? Please help me; I am willing to do whatever it takes to make this work. I have plenty of self confidence and know there are other guys out there, so please don’t tell me that. What can I do to make things work with THIS guy? Thanks.

Answer
Hi A!

Thanks for writing in! My apologies for getting this back to you so late.  Well, from what you've described in your letter it most definitely sounds to me like this guy does still like you. The problem, if you can call it that, is that it seems like he's feeling the same way that you are -he's unsure. You guys already have a strong friendship, so that's a great foundation for a relationship. Since you both  have already confessed feelings for each other before, half the battle is won already. So now, what I think you should do to get things going is to simply have another conversation with him. Just simply tell him how you feel, and that you would like to be with him. Then, ask him what he would like to see happen. Listen to him carefully, don't try to read between the lines, guys don't work like that - just listen. It's not selfish to want to know what's going on between you, you need to know what's going on so you know which way to go. Just have a simple, honest conversation with T; I'm pretty sure you'll like whatever it is he has to say. ;)

I hope this helps A, and if you need to talk again, my box is open.

Always,

Nicolette

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Everyone gets confused sometimes when it comes to matters of the heart. We all want to know if that special someone at school or work was winking at you, or if if they just had something in their eye. I can help you find whether your intended likes you, signs to look for if you're unsure, and can help you in the right direction on where to go from there. I will be timely, personable, and friendly with you; it'll be like talking to an old friend. Give me a try; I bet I can help you! *Update* Because of rising expenses, I must say that I can only accept questions with a $2 donation. With the lengthy, friendly, and in-depth response you'll get from me, it will be well worth it. Thank you for understanding.

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