How to Know if He/She Really Likes You/trust issues

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Question
Hi,
 My boyfriend of 5 years cheated on me but I took him back.He had relationship with some other girl and when I found out he apologized and said that he will never do such things again. I dont understand why would he cheat me if he really loves me?He says that he didnt love that girl and nothing happened.But I dont believe that.This incident has happened over an year back but i am still unable to forget what he did to me. He takes good care of me when he is around me..He cooks for me,takes care of me and some times I feel that he really loves me.Sometimes I feel that he doesnt love me at all.He wont talk to me on phone or messsage me..We argue on this point each day and he is getting vexed up with me. When I bring the topic of marriage,he tells that lets study hard this year and get good jobs and get settled and told me to tell about us to my parents mean while.His parents already knew about us before he cheated on me.I don't understand if he is staying with me for the sake of others(like what will his family think about him)..That girl has a bad character and he himself told his mom and me that she is bad and I dont love such a girl.But I am confused. He doesn't answer to my questions like why did he cheat..help me..how can I know if he really likes me or not?How can I make him love me more and I wanna make him think about me always and call me and text me and be with me always.But I am fighting with him everyday putting all these in mind. What can I do? Our sex life is also not that good now a days.Even if I make a move,he is not ready and if i ask what is his problem..he says no problem and questions me back saying that sex need not be done everyday.Help me

Answer
Hello Jessi,

I do apologize greatly for the delay in my reply, I live in a state where we suffered a blizzard and over 30,000 of us have been without power or able to make it out the house.

I thank you for allowing the opportunity for me to answer your question. I'm sorry to hear someone whom you obviously love and care for deeply betrayed your trust through infidelity, but the important question is not how can you make him love you more. The true question is how can you show him that you love yourself more through your own actions. As women we tend to want to communicate our feelings where as guys are a lot different. When they are feeling emotions they withdraw. You must stop pressuring him for answers or even to talk to you right now, you will only push him further away and ruin any chances of being with him in the future.

My suggestion is this... 1) Stop contacting him - Yes, I know this will be difficult, but you must allow yourself to regroup & get your mind together. 2) You must allow him his space. without the continuous pressure of trying to communicate with him. When we continue to pressure men to communicate they unfortunately do not see it as us loving for them, they see it as us being needy. One thing to ALWAYS remember - you NEVER want to appear needy to any man. You must learn how to remain in control of your emotions. Now, with this being said Jessi you must ask yourself one important question - Why are you the one trying so hard to communicate? Shouldn't he be the one trying to explain to you why he was unfaithful? You must play it as cool as a cucumber. Now this does not mean just dismiss everything he's done - not at all. You must show him his actions were unacceptable and that YOU DESERVE MORE from him IF he want to remain with you. When he withdraw, you withdraw too. If he doesn't answer your call you don't answer his. If he doesn't respond to your texts - you take longer to answer his when he finally does respond. It's sad doing this seems like a game, but it really isn't - you're showing him you're in control of you.

Tell him you need some time to think things through and stop contacting him for awhile. Let him know when he's ready to communicate you'll be there to listen, but until then you need some time. Take this much needed time to get yourself together and to allow him to miss you. This is very important to do and is a MUST.

As for the answer to your question what can you do to make him love you more? Love yourself more. Men find it as a turn off when a woman will take them back so easily, try to force them to talk, etc... Neediness is never attractive. You must set your boundaries and be willing to walk away if they are crossed or if your needs are not being met. Women love hard and we often put so much into a relationship until we have nothing left - we must STOP doing this. It's okay to love hard, but without those boundaries and the strength to walk away when he's not willing to act right or communicate will only leave you drained every time. I'm not saying walk away for good - but he needs to see your worth, he needs to value you and only you can show him how to do that by valuing yourself first. By taking the much needed time for yourself, you may realize you're better off without him and if not, that's okay.

I apologize for this book, but I hope you can understand what I'm trying to express to you. Please feel free to follow-up whenever needed okay?

Take care and stay strong.

Latoya

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Latoya

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Sometimes our vision can become cloudy when dealing with love and relationships, and sometimes a second voice is needed. Allow me to be that voice of reason. I will be able to provide you with advice, options & necessary steps to handle the situation at hand. I am not proclaiming to have all of the answers, but please know that I will try my best to answer your questions as affectively as possible. I can assure you that any questions you may have regarding love, relationships, If he/she really likes you, etc..will be answered in a timely manner.

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Each individual relationship I've been in has allowed me to gain a notch of experience that I have placed on my belt of knowledge. Through my many experiences I've learned how to recognize if a relationship is or is not a healthy one. My knowledge allows me to assist friends and family members when in need of sound advice.

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Experience from high school, college and life

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