How to Know if He/She Really Likes You/Not sure if this girl likes me
Hello Nicolette. Thanks for taking the time to answer my question. :)
I really like this girl who is a volunteer where I work. Since she came to the organization we really hit it off and she was quite flirty, so I guess she likes me. Here are some signs she gave me: asking to read my palm for a while, trying to get info on my relationship status, hugged me (asked if it was ok, first), talked with me for hours about really personal things, loves it when we discover things we both like, has no trouble being in physical contact, often touches my arm when we talk, rested leg on my mine for a long while, looks me in the eyes when we talk, really focused, body always fully toward me, she always wants us to sit next to each when we talk, and then we zone out in our conversation, often when I mention things she says stuff like: "remember to send me a link to that", she seems always really happy, excited, even flustered when we talk one-on-one, when we walk together she sometimes starts to lean in on me, etc.
And this only from hanging out a few times. She does this only with me, as far as I've seen.
However, recently I discovered she has a boyfriend, been together at most half a year, she had a previous long term relationship end when her then boyfriend wasn't there for her when she had a hard time, due to the death of a family member. As far as I know, this isn't a very serious relationship, and they don't seem to be that close. For instance, they didn't spend New Year's together, which was their first New Year's together. She very rarely mentions him, and when she does it's never in the context of the two of them, or saying anything about him that's "boyfriendish". Might as well have been a friend of her's she was talking about. Also, she has almost no pictures of him on Facebook (3 or so), while she has a ton with her ex-boyfriend.
When I found out that she has a boyfriend, I decided not to act on the signs she is giving me, but since we still hang out, and she still gives me lots of signs, and we get along so well, better than I have with almost any girl in a very long time, I ask myself if she might be unhappy in her relationship.
Another volunteer, her and myself recently decided to go to a concert that I was going to go to. They aren't really into that music, but I had free tickets and it didn't bother them when we made the plan. In fact, my crush was super-excited, and even made sure to say that we try not to break the agreement to go. However, the other girl ditched us, so I sent a text to my crush to let her know, but didn't suggest whether to cancel or go on with the plan, to see what she would do. She texted back, asking if I was sure I wanted to take her, since she doesn't really know much about that music. I thought that this could either be a really bad way to get out of going with me alone (she had time to think of a good excuse via text, and this was just lame, and could potentially make things awkward if I had said "Yes"), or maybe she was fishing to see if I wanted to go with HER, specifically (makes more sense, I guess). Up until now, I haven't given her any real signs that I like her back. So I texted her that I would be going either way, but that I would be really glad if she decided to join me (thought this was more neutral, than just texting "Yes, I'm sure"). She texted back that she remembered that she has an exam, and that's she's afraid she'll get drunk and botch it up, but suggested "maybe some other time? :)". This is an excuse, but, again, she could have texted that first. Texts were about one hour apart.
What got me thinking here is, why would she feel uncomfortable being alone with me? We've been alone before, and it's never been a problem. Example, we go out for drink with some people from the organization, and afterwards, as we pass the office, I'd say that I'm going back to pick up my stuff. She says she's coming with me because she has time until her bus leaves, and it's cold outside, while another girl was going in the exact same direction and she could have gone with her. While alone, she again kind of flirted with me, and we talked for a solid hour, almost making her miss her bus, I had to remind her what time it is. She also said that she thinks I'm handsome, and stuff. So I was really baffled why she was suddenly unwilling to be alone with me. The only explanation that I have is that she's uncomfortable because she likes me, and feels guilty because she has a boyfriend, and sees the concert as too much of a date setting.
So I'm interested to hear your opinion. Could I be right in my assumption?
Thank you for your input. :)
Thanks so much for writing in to me, and for choosing me to answer your question. :)
Well, based on what you've shared with me in your letter, I'd say that your assumption is pretty dead on. Her body language and behavior most definitely suggest that she's attracted to you, however, she's trying to hold back on that attraction because she's already involved with someone else. Also, as you know already, there's really not a whole lot that you can do about that attraction at this time. The best that can happen is that you can continue to be her friend, but I would suggest putting a little distance between the two of you for now. Otherwise, the obvious attraction between the two of you will start to get in the way, and could possibly make things awkward later. I'm sure this is not what you wanted to hear, but this is my honest assessment of the situation at hand.
I hope this helps, Tom, and if you have any more questions, I'd be happy to help.