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How to Know if He/She Really Likes You/Took my 26 year old boyfriends virginity?

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I am 26 years old. just got divorced a year ago. have two young kids. I have been seeing a guy for 6 months now.  a very nice guy. he is 26 years old too. He has a lot of morals and principles. I am not so much like that. I was married for 5 years, and after getting divorced, had a bunch of one night stands. we started dating, and he wouldn't have sex with me. a couple weeks ago, we ended up having sex, and I found out that he was a virgin and I didn't iknow it. I was the first girl he ever slept with. He has such strong Christian up bringing, he thought he had to wait until marriage.  and now I feel so guilty and bad.for taking that from him. should I feel bad, I didn't know? not sure how to handle things. he is now wanting to keep having sex, and we are, but he talks about how he feels alittle ashamed for what he did? not sure how to handle this. I try to be supportive. io told hikm I would respect him not having sex or doing anything if he didn't want. I would be ok with that. but he stil wants to have sex. so how should I feel?

Answer
Hi Ashlee,

Well, first off, I applaud you for being respectful to this young man for wanting him to feel comfortable in and out of the bedroom. Coming from a strict Christian upbringing myself, I can most certainly understand why your boyfriend would feel guilty about having sex before marriage. Now that he's tasted of the forbidden fruit, so to speak, he likes it and keeps wanting to have it, though at the same time still feeling guilty for having it. Quite the conundrum. Now, I can't tell you how you should feel, but I can tell you that with your situation, patience is key. What you've done already is quite admirable, and what I would do from here is let him take the lead as far as sex is concerned. If he initiates, and so long as you're in the mood as well, go for it, and at least for the initial period, let him do what he's comfortable with. Also by letting him take the lead, I mean letting him tell you when he's ready to have sex again, so as not to give him the impression that you're pressuring him or anything of that nature.  For now, let him have control of the situation, and keep reminding him that it's his choice, and that you won't rush or pressure him into anything if he feels guilty or bad about it.

I also understand why you might feel a little guilty too, but to be fair to yourself, Ashlee, you didn't know about his virginity. As long as he consented to it, and it sounds as if he did, I don't see any need for you to feel bad or guilty. :)  In short, I would say just slow it down a bit, make sure he's comfortable,  and continue to show him that you respect his morals and decisions, whatever they may be.  The way you're already handling this is off to a great start, and I think he will really appreciate it and you in the end. ;)

I hope this helps, and if you have any more questions, I'd be happy to answer them for you.

Always,

Nicolette.

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