How to Know if He/She Really Likes You/How to approach him..


Hi Nicolette,

I'm asking this question because the weight of not knowing gets too heavy for me to handle.
So here's the situation. I'm a 23 years-old french gal who moved abroad with her whole team (we work as
a game company) since september. Since we don't know the place very well, we decided to live
altogether in the same house. I am the only female and I'm also in the youngest, and I'm renting
the house with four guys. One of them is the same age as me, and he's the one that gives me
butterflies in the tummy every morning also..
Before moving in this new country, I worked with them in France for about a year. I must admit
I never really noticed the guy before, as he was always quiet and submissive (like an omega
in a wolf pack, if that makes any sense)..Our interactions were strictly professional, with
some exceptions, when I would defend him when the others were being a bit too harsh (I'm a
very-strong willed girl and won't be scared by a bunch of older male colleagues if something
has to be said). But since we live together, I developped quite a crush on him, and now it drives
me crazy. As I mentionned before, he's extremely quiet. His family story is completely chaotic,
with suicides and Re-married parents, and everyone knows what he's been through.
He won't talk much or get very expressive, which is the total opposite of me; I'm quirky, bouncy
and very hot-tempered, almost agressive at times when I want to provoke reactions out of him (which I
regret right after of course...) I'm romantic and sensitive whilst he keeps every little feeling for himself. You could even say our physical appearance shows this difference, as I'm having long anime-like hair and colourful clothing, when he keeps his appearence very plain and neutral (his clothing choices kinda remind me of an insecure teenager.)
So yeah you could say we're like day and night. Sometimes I need to "push" him just to have him saying something,
anything really.
I've never been at ease with the whole flirting process, I prefer meeting people online most
of the time (lack of self confidence maybe, even though I'm physically cute as most past male
colleagues told me).
I started liking him more than a friend because he sometimes behaves differently when both of us
are alone. I quickly noticed he would be attentive to what I was doing, even little details that
wouldn't matter (my phone model, my new hair dye even though I made sure no-one knew what colour I was
dying it..). I sometimes catch him watching what I'm doing on my computer, may it be drawing
or when I skype someone else, then he looks embarrassed and flees. He was the one to hold me when I almost
tripped at the beach, the one who offered to carry my bag when I was drunk and fastened my belt
when I was almost falling asleep in the car. Whenever I ask from a service from him, he helps me,
and takes initiatives with me.
I also noticed he was suddenly very talkative when we are both alone, starting conversations with me about stuff we like, or about his tastes
or even his family. My heart totally melts when he is like this, he reminds me of a shy kid.
At home we share seats next to each other when using our computers (I was the only one not to have
a seat so he gave me the one next to him) and I got used to watch him playing, asking him
questions about his games just to get to know him better. This is also the place we end up
after a couple mojitos, and when he drunk just a bit, he seems off-guard and sometimes lays back
in his chair, stops playing for a sec and turns to me and gives me a wonderful smile, without
any other explanation. I love these because it's like I can see something others don't get from him, and they
happen quite a lot, always without any reason for him to stare this way.
I talked about this to the rest of the team, and they told me he had to be completely drunk to
behave this way, but he clearly was not.
When I decide to watch a movie with another colleague or walk to the beach with them, I always ask him to come.
He ALWAYS say no first and a couple minutes later he's participating.
I also know a girl wanted to date him here before I arrived, and turns out he decided to drop
her a few days later (good point, I was so friggin jealous..).
I also grew to like him because unlike the other guys in the team, he will not act like a perv
when we stumble across a random woman in the street (oh gosh, guys can be so indelicate.) Instead
he'll look at me in the eyes smiling or just say nothing about it, even if the "male pack" effect can still
show up.
Thing is, yesterday things got a bit out of proportions when I talked about my private relationship experiences
with our oldest colleague, and I heard my crush saying 'oh I don't wanna know" and after dinner
he slammed his laptop shut, we were only together and he told me "I need to watch a movie alone"
and he locked himself in his room (similar situation occured when I talked about a past graphist working
with us, I looked so admirative that he totally turned mean and listed the bad points of said guy, never
happened again). I felt terribly lost and sad, thinking I had been acting the wrong way around him. I then spent the night doodling on my computer when I heard him
walking around our swimming pool (the swimming pool is facing the living-room where I'm drawing)
and while he has his one chair like a few centimers away from his room door, he  picked the furthest
seat and sat facing me for a long moment. I tried to gather my courage and waved my hand at him, and when I finally found
the strength to walk to him, he fled.
So here I am, stuck in this house with this guy I love, spending more time with him than anyone
else, at work and at home.
I need to mention I'm not sure yet to stay in this country and may return to France after a 3-months trial
here. He knows about it.
I gotta add he seems to dislike when I care too much about him (being overprotective ain't sexy I know) but I have no other
way to show him I care about him. I have the feeling he wants to look like he's in control of everything
and wants to appear tough when around us, in a nutshell, he's a  fortress. Which explains his rare genuine
smiles addressed to me have this powerful effect.
I've been with that kind of guy when I was much younger, and turns out acting "like a mommy" pissed him off
even though I had good intentions. Because of it we broke up. I just wanna know if he's worth anything,
if I have a chance and how I can do for him to rely on me and understand I have honest feelings towards him.

I desperately fell for him and need advice.

Thanks so much for reading me,

Hi Julie,

Well from what you have described in your letter, it seems more than obvious to me that your roommate also has feelings for you. He is affectionate with you, and displays jealousy when you mention other guys: these are the two biggest giveaways of his feelings for you. At the same time however, I feel like he's very unsure of what to do because he knows that you might leave soon. He doesn't want to allow himself to get too invested in you in the event that you go back. That,can he just doesn't have the confidence to act on these feelings. What to do from here is entirely up to you.  You can put your cards on the table, so to speak, let him know how you feel in terms of where you might like this to go, just be prepared for all possible answers. All will be well, Julie. :)

I hope this helps, and if you have any more questions, I'd be happy to help.


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Everyone gets confused sometimes when it comes to matters of the heart. We all want to know if that special someone at school or work was winking at you, or if if they just had something in their eye. I can help you find whether your intended likes you, signs to look for if you're unsure, and can help you in the right direction on where to go from there. I will be timely, personable, and friendly with you; it'll be like talking to an old friend. Give me a try; I bet I can help you! *Update* Because of rising expenses, I must say that I can only accept questions with a $2 donation. With the lengthy, friendly, and in-depth response you'll get from me, it will be well worth it. Thank you for understanding.

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