How to Know if He/She Really Likes You/hi
QUESTION: "hello. first off i wanna thank you for your time in reading this. i am just dealing with a current situation that i cannot get off my mind, and i need some advice. so at work, there is this guy that i have a HUGE crush on. I've never liked anyone like this before. I never made a move on him or anything…until recently. we started to hang out after work, and i got the feeling that he maybe liked me too. he would text me and talk to me, and we would make plans to hang out. But then one day, we hung out again with a bunch of other coworkers, and by the end of the night, i saw him hold hands with another coworker. Now, this devastated me a lot, i thought he liked me, and i had made it clear to him that i did because i told him i liked him a lot. When i told him this, he was shocked, he told me he never thought "a girl like me" would ever like him. but i confirmed that i liked him and we kind of just left it at that. we would continue to hang out and whatnot, but after i saw him hold hands with the other girl, i kind of distanced myself. before i go any further i must say that the girl he was holding hands with also likes him. they used to talk before but he had told me he stopped talking to her because she had a boyfriend. when they were holding hands, however, she had already broken up with her boyfriend. since that night, we haven't hung out, or texted like we used to. it honestly hurt me so much to see him with the other girl, it stung. i tried to get over it, eventually i did. but now him and that other girl are talking and hooking up, and according to my other coworker they are "in love with each other". i cannot blame anyone but myself for the "damage" that has happened. i got my hopes up in believing that we could maybe be together one day. i don't hate him or her for what happened, it just sucks that i had to like him so much. now my only concern is dealing with this at work. I'm kinda over him, even though it still kinda hurts to see him with that other girl. but I'm trying to get over it. its just really hard when i have to work with them both together because then they flirt with each other, and idk how to deal with that. how can i get over him? did i do something wrong , i don't want to talk to him about it, i don't wanna bring it up to him, but i can't stop wondering what happened that changed between us. i just wish i knew. somehow i can't stop thinking that all this was my fault. did i do something wrong herE?"
ANSWER: Oh no, Michelle!
You did nothing wrong, sweetheart. I don't want you to think that for another second. From what you shared in your letter, I truly do think that he was attracted to you as well, but for some reason felt you were out of his league. This is actually a typical scenario with men. I know how painful it is seeing him with someone else, and I applaud your efforts to move forward. You asked how you can get over him. I have found over the years that the best thing to do in these types of situations is to put your energy and focus back onto yourself for a while. Go do something fun. See your friends. Delve into a new hobby. Visit a spa or salon. There are countless things, really, that you could do, but the key here, is to focus on you and what will make you happy. Once you focus on making yourself happy, you will radiate this gliw about you and an inner smile- and trust me- when you have that glow, your next problem will be deciding which guys to choose from!
I hope this answers your question, Michelle, and if there's anything else you need, my inbox is open. :)
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: thanks a lot for your advice, i honestly appreciate it. it's good to hear things from another perspective. i know there are plenty of fish in the sea, and each day i get over this whole situation a bit more. i must add a few things, however. i don't know if this changes things, but during the time me and my crush would hang out, we ended up hooking up. i kinda initiated it, and he went along. after it happened, he told me he felt kinda bad because he thought he was taking advantage but i told him i wanted it because i liked him. and he was 'shocked.' we hooked up twice, mostly because i wanted to. now, i know i probably rushed things, but i know the girl he is with now definitely wasn't taking things any slower. they hooked up also. and now apparently they are in love. my friends say he was just playing with me. i remember when he asked me why i liked him i told him because he was smart, funny, and hot lol. and he told me he thinks he's fat. but i told him i disagreed. then he told me he thought i was smart and sexy.
i never thought i would be a victim to this, because i always told myself i would never let myself fall into this, but what if he just told me what i wanted to hear? and because i liked him so much i was blinded? could it be possible that he never liked me and just wanted to mess around? i truly do believe at one point he was attracted to me, but then suddenly out of no where, everything changed. we don't even text anymore. I'm not so bummed out anymore about him dating that other girl, i just can't stop wondering what happened. any ideas?
From what I'm picking up in your letters, it does sound like he genuinely did like you, but just wasn't looking for anything serious at that point. It seems do strange that he could just jump to somebody else and claim to be so serious doesn't it? Sometimes when we tell someone how we trulyfeel, he interprets it as "pressure." In othe words, he can't handle a fabulous girl like you. He's done you a favor, because he's freed you up to find someone even better who will treat you right. Again, you did nothing wrong, it all came down to his readiness to accept a wonderful girl with alot to offer. He wasn't ready. Good riddance. :)