Expert: dri* - 12/6/2006

Question
Hey thanks for the really speedy reply. Sorry to bother you again, but this is the last question I have. What you've said, I agree with. It had crossed my mind that she pretended to stop liking me (mostly, because I know what her friends are like, and they could've given her a hard time for liking me or going out with me, which she sort of showed, by only talking to me and communicating in general, when her friends where away, out of school and stuff). But there is only one thing that still puzzles me: if she did like me, and thought that I didn't like her, then what did she think when I asked her out again and again? Is it possible to ask someone out, without really likeing them? I suppose it is all in the eyes of the beholder. She might have seen something differently than it was. But she knows what I'm like, and she should have known that I'm really not the kind of guy to play games. If you could just answear this one last question, I would be really grateful, and I guess I will do something about this, even if it could be too late.
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Well, like I said, they're not together. From what I hear they haven't had contact since graduation. That's not an angle I can play. Should I tell her that I really like her and that I enjoy spending time with her a lot? Although we haven't spent much time together, I still enjoyed it, more than I can express. Would it be a better idea to call her directly, or to ask her, when I see her in the street? I'm not really sure what to do here. I'm glad that you think that she likes me, because I think so too. But I start thinking: why did she suddenly start behaving so strange? She stood me up on that second date, she didn't explain, until I confronted her, and whenever I tryed to do something with her, she was reluctant and didn't want to go. Could I have done something wrong? I hope that you can give me a woman's perspective on the matter and your opinion, because I've really thought about this, and I can't conclude what happened. Did she like me, and then stop liking me? Possibly. But what happened at the school trip? She just kept looking at me when she thought I didn't know. I'm sure she was looking at me. She confuses the heck out of me, but I wouldn't be doing this, if she wasn't worth it. Even if you can't figure out what happened, thanky you for the help.
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Well, my question would be: after you've read all the previous, would you say that she generally liked me? Do you think that she liked me even after we stopped dating? Would I still have a chance with her now, if I told her how I really felt about her? Is it too late, should I really give up? That friend of hers, that I said she was close with, he wasn't her boyfriend. She never wanted anything like that to happen with him, although he did try. You see, he is sort of abusive. He would call her names, and really shout at her from time to time, and she was never really close with him, physically, but he did try, again. So I think I might stand a chance. I see her often in the streets, and if you can tell me, that you definatelly think that she liked me, and more important, likes me, then I would consider talking to her, and asking her to go out for a drink with me, and try to see what happens, and how she acts. Thank you, I hope you can help.
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Hello

This one could be a bit long, so I hope you have time. I first met this girl in Elementary School, in the 6th grade. She immediately cought my attention. She has dark blond hair, blue eyes, shading a bit towards green, and she wares glasses. I didn't really do anything, but was intrigued by her. Anyway, in High School, she was put into my class, and we had a normal collegue relationship, so not much communication, but we helped each other out when we needed to. I am tall and a bit overweight, with green eyes and brown hair. She started showing some interest, and I'm using the term quite widely here, in the Junior year. I was going home one day, and she came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder to get my attention. This supprised me, to say the least, because she wasn't the type to talk to me in the street if she saw me, and we weren't close at all, quite the opposite. We started talking and found out that we live quite close to each other, and we connected in a way. This is where I'm starting to develop a genuine interest for her. It started with little things like constantly borrowing my pencil sharpner, a friend of hers saying to me that our names are etched into a school table together, mentioning her name before mine, obviously implying that she likes me, sometimes sitting next to me when the opportunity showed itself, without the need for that existing, even behind me seemed good enough (but these could be conicidences). She started to walk next to me a lot, not saying anything, she would alyways stand near me and brush against me, even when there wasn't a crowd. I cought looking at me a couple of times, and then she quickly looked away. She would laugh at some of my comments, even when they were less funny than her laugh would make them seem. Once I was standing next to her, talking in a group, and she was wearing this top, that gets tied behind her back, and as we were talking, she started to slowly push it up on the side facing directly towards me, as she was holding her hands at her hips, revelaing her back and a part of her rear, and she really doesn't wear revealing clothes, so this was new. She looked with such interest at me, when I was speaking about the Nazi occult theories with my friends, which is a topic that she hadn't shown a lot of interest in previously (she always kept eye contact, though she is a little bit shy, she is nor really shy in the full sense of the word). After all of that happened, I asked her out,after a lot of preparation obviously, and she said yes. I couldn' believe it. She actually seemed to find me attractive. I'm not particularly handsome, but people generally like me. I asked her out to the theater, to see a satyric play, which I thought was a very calm and neutral decision, opposite to the movies, where all sorts of things could happen. To my knowledge, she had never gone out with a guy, as a date. She is actually a popular girl, not extremely though, but with a lot of friends that she went out drinking with and so on. Now I prefer to be at home or just going to the movies, the theater or some concert, because I don't drink and hate loud discos. So in this area we are not really compatible. Anyway, she said that we would make the arrangements the day after, the last day of school before the Winter holidays. So I waited, trying to get my courage up, to talk to her again, but she beat me to it and asked me for my number. I was blown away again. Naturally, I gave it to her, forgetting to ask her for hers. Later it would turn out that she thought that that was my cell number, but I actually gave her my home phone, because I really seldom use my cell. Darn modern times! So the night before the date came, and she still hadn't called to check when exactlly the play started, as she didn't know to which theater we were going. I got into panic, and called her friend and got her number. She said that she was moving and didn't have time to call me until now. We made the arrangements and we went out. Yes, we did complicate things a lot. She was dressed rather casually, as she always does, and I prefer it that way. She mentioned that she might have to leave early, because she is going to see another play with a girlfriend from our class. I said „ok“, realising that it was a backup, if I turn out to be boring or something. She never used it. We had a great time. We talk constantly. We could hardly wait for the pause to start talking again. We even talked about intimate things a bit. She opened up to me, and I opened up to her, which is usually a problem to me, as I am shy. We parted by me asking her if she would like to do this again. She said yes, which seemed rather honest. She went home, thinking that I didn't notice that, supposedly, her friened had been waiting for her in front of the other theater, for these two whole hours. A few days later, I invite her to the theater again, and she says yes. A few days before the date, she tells me that her uncle is coming to visit from some foreign country, and that she wasn't sure if she would be able to make it to the date, but that she will call me to tell me either way. She didn't call. I was sad and angry at the same time. In school she said nothing about it, and acted as if nothing ha happened. I started to ignore her, running everything that happened back in my head. If she didn't want to go, she would have said no. She had no problem turning me down before about certain things (not dates or anything like that), and I am sure she would have said no if she didn't want to go out with me. I have no idea what happened, even now after two years. But wait there's more! I asked her out a few months later, for coffee, telling her that I need to talk about something important with her. She must have known what. She said yes. Surprise, surprise! Well, we met, and started talking about everything, and I ask her, why she didn't call me. She said that she forgot. I believed her. I still do. I think she was either ashamed to admit it openly, and she also didn't know my number (as I mentioned before, she thought it was my cell, so naturally, she couldn't get through to me, and was probably ashamed to admit that too). Well, I asked her out again, but everytime, she was busy, which was understandable, since it was the end of the term, and we had a lot of exams. I hadn't seen her the whole Summer, trying to forget. We went on a class trip abroad for two weeks, before the next term began. I tryed to ignore her, which wasn't easy. I noticed once that she was watching me in a museum. She didn't know that I was watching her since I was wearing shades, and it seemed like I was looking in the other direction. I saw her through the corner of my eye. I slowly turned my head, experimenting what she would do. She turned away quickly. I experimented with this during the whole trip, and she did the same thing every time (4 or 5 time total). I became convinced that she must still like me. I decided to ask her out to coffee, as soon as we got back home, and I did. She said that she was busy every time. So I don't know what happened. I gave up, and now she is in college and so am I. But not at the same one, although very close. I still have a lot of feelings for her, and I can't stop thinking about, even though I haven't seen her or heard from her in over six months. Whenever I go outside, I hope to see her or meet her, and whenever I see someone resembling her in the streets, thinking i is her, my heart stops. I think I'm generally in love with her. She's actually a sweet girl... woman. She is beautiful, and kind. We both enjoy the books, the same music, we have the same sense of humor, we like the same movies and topics. Basically, we are well suited for each other. I have no idea what happened here, as I am inexperienced at these things. I'm not saying we'll get married or something. But I really felt great being with her, and planning what we'll do together, and our „relationship“ ending to abruptly, it left a hole in me and a sense of not really having a fair chance with her. She had this guyfriend from my class, a guy who failed a class, and was older than us by one year. She spent some time with him in school, and a bit of time ouside of school, as he was in her circle of friends. I had a feeling that he was interested in her, but I don't think she was. They sat together and stuff, but nothing ever happened. For a time this was very discouraging.
Well that's my whole story. Sorry it was so long, but I am a fan of realist writing, so I had to do this right, as detailed discriptions will certainly help you giving me your honest opinion and advice. Please, help me. I think I might run into her soon, and I need to have an attitude and a plan what to do. Thank you in advance for your help, even if you can't.

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Hey there Albert,
sorry it took so long to answer.. my computer crashed!
Wow, this is definitely the most broadened topic of questions I have ever recieved, don't worry about it being long, but I don't really know where to start! haha. She seemed to have liked you at the beginning, and seemed to have drifted away from you. Maybe she drifted away for you, or found something in her guyfriend. I'm sorry I can't thoroughly answer your question but I don't really understand your question, if you could write it in smaller context, I may be able to understand you a bit better.
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Hey Albert
I think she likes you, but I also think that you should tlak to her about the boy that abuses her, and tell her that she doesn't want to end up with a guy who calls her down to the lowest. If you do this, she may develop feelings for you, because of the compassion you show towards her. Tell her that he is abusive, and you just might get through to her, and she'll realize she is making a mistake.
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Hey again!
I think you should call her directly on the phone, so she knows that you're interested.
Maybe she 'pretended' to stop liking you, because she didn't think you liked her back. This explains why she kept looking at you. Just be open and honest and tell her how you feel, and if you're wondering why she keeps rejecting you, i suggest you ask her. If she comes up with an excuse just tell her upfront, that you'll understand the truth if she tells you. Be understanding and loyal, and she'll come to you.

Answer
Hey again Albert!
Don't worry about bothering me, it's my job to help you out.
I think you might be right about her friends. Maybe they don't approve of you, which makes HER not approving of you.
If you really like this girl, I think you should work at it, otherwise there are so many other girls out there willing to love you as much as you love them, without playing all these head games. Again, ask her why she is rejecting you, because from what you've told me, it seemed as though at the beginning she really liked you, when now.. it doesn't seem that way. Maybe something happened, maybe she met another boy, or like I said earlier, her friends are getting into it.
Stay confident and take chances, maybe she was just pretending to LIKE you.. she seems quite confusing, and girls sometimes do that. They pretend to like you, just to see if you'll like them back. Once you do.. their game is over. So think about what I said, and get back to me if you'd like, tell me how everything is going. Good luck!