How to Know if You`re Really in Love/About my new relationship.


I just recently started dating a guy named chris he turns 20 tomorrow, but i feel a weird connection with him and i think i am in love with him how do i know if that feeling is a for sure one? He has told me that he love's me already too but i just feel it is weird to already feel the way me and him do. What should i do?

Thank you

Love Again ~ Creating Relationships Without Blame
Love Again ~ Creating  
Hi, Krystal,

You may feel a powerful chemical attraction to him, and if you're defining "love" as that initial animal response or sense of possibility, then yes.  It's possible.  BUT, if you are interested in a long term emotionally close relationship, it will take time and work.  

The initial connection is plenty of reason to check this out.  People are drawn together in lots of ways, and that is a special one.  Just don't mistake that there will be any "happily ever after" phenomenon!  That's a cruel myth Hollywood and fairy tales have created - it NEVER happens in real life!

Love or attraction is NEVER enough.  I mean, it's nice, but we can love lots of things and lots of people.  A relationship is a PROJECT that's ongoing.  It's not about feeling those loving chemicals surge and thinking that your work and your search for happiness are over.  That's when it all just starts.

Look at it this way.  You wouldn't expect yourself or a boyfriend to be able to just start talking Italian, would you?  Not being able to talk Italian doesn't mean that anything is wrong with either of you - you've just never studied it and learned.  Having a relationship is the same thing.  None of us really know how to do it the right way.  (Just look at all the heart-breaking and tragic break-ups and divorces there are.)  We need to learn.   And, NO ONE automatically just "knows."    It's the ONLY way to create a relationship that will last.

I think it would be a great thing if every couple in the whole world would "study" relationships and themselves. Take a class together, read a book...  

Have fun checking this out.  But be smart, protect your heart, and learn.

Good luck to you!
Jan Harrell, PhD
Author, Love Again ~ Creating Relationships Without Blame

How to Know if You`re Really in Love

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Jan Harrell, PhD


I believe I can address any questions and concerns a person might have.


I have been a clinical psychologist for 32 years. I co-authored a book on relationships, Love Again ~ Creating Relationships Without Blame, with my husband of 40 years, who is also a psychologist. I have taught at UCLA and at Southern Oregon University. I was the psychology columnist for the magazine, Make You Happen! for 1 1/2 years.

I have a doctorate in Counseling Psychology from the University of Southern California.

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