How to Know if You`re Really in Love/Loving an elder woman


Hi there!
I belong to India.
This might be creepy. But I have started fancying n falling for a woman elder me.
I don't know about other countries but here in India this thing is considered a taboo.
But am quite determined to fight n make this relationship successful if this ship of mine sets sail. I mean the woman has the same feelings for me.
Well to start with.
This wasnt the situation before a
few days, infact I've been gathering
all my will power to delete the
thought of pursuing a married
woman (child of 1).
She might be 27-32 in age.
And I am 24.
Not really a vast difference though. But it kinda gets
back to me. And am falling prey to
It all started when I first saw this
woman everyday in the morning,
when I went to college.
She was on the way back by
dropping her boy to school.
And then while we passed, our eyes
And the damn thing started.
Days passed n this repeated
Now its become a habit of mine to
ogle at her everyday.
Its like i've made it pretty easy by
synchronizing my time with her's.
She too has that glare in her eyes,
I've seen it.
Now its become my daily routine of
crossing paths with her.
I've even verified that she searched
for me whenever I wasn't there.
Its become a year now. She is now
accompanied by another lady who
doesn't like this.
I've even heard her murmuring
something in her mouth as they
both passed by.
But this lady whom I have got fancy
about doesn't miss to give me a
glare or hasn't given me an angry
Its a look more like any girl would
feel shy while seeing at a boy.
Didn't hear any unrest in a her
words when I was passingby.
Instead have seen her laugh looking
at me, the kind of laugh when the
lady next to her spoke something
about me, about my behavior
towards her.
Its like irrespective of any
conversation that is going amongst
them, Am always rewarded by that
continues secret look by her.
Now am feeling this intense urge to
start a good conversation with her.
But you know what factors the
society plays in such things.
I have no intention of getting
personal with her.
But just the curiousity to get by her
atleast as a friend.
Could you please guide me in terms
of atleast approaching n starting a
conservation with her??
I want this lady in my life .


Thank you for writing.

What you are feeling may be natural, but what you are doing is spiritually wrong, unless she destined for divorce and you are actually deeply in love.

As far as I know, you are not and she is not, so what you are doing is harmful.

My best advice to you is that you start acting like an honorable man and find yourself someone your age or someone unmarried--most importantly, to have a relationship with.

Remember, what separates you from weak men and weak people and weak animals is your honor.

Let me know what you decide.  

How to Know if You`re Really in Love

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Mando (Carl Atteniese Jr.)


I've read, thought, written, and taught about love for over eleven years. I've had thoughtful love-oriented relationships only--for about twenty-eight years. I struggle endlessly to be a supremely thoughtful, compassionate, fair, and empirical thinker. This is crucial. I believe in the feeling and process of love. This is also crucial. As an artist, a poet, and an essayist--as a teacher of ESL in other cultures--I have had ample opportunity for the analysis of love... personally and inter-culturally, and this has made my introspection and analysis of relationships--with original ideas and those of my favorite psychotherapists--very fruitful. I will tell you three things, which will help you now--before you even write to me: To have true love in yourself and with another, you must: 1. Be Free. 2. Be Adult. 3. Be Honest. 4. Be Disciplined. 5. Find numbers 3~5 easy, because you are overcome with love. 6. Be willing to do virtually anything reasonable (and many things unreasonable from the point of view of others).7. Never settle (in other words, be with someone you do not love), thinking that you will grow into love. 8. Never take a match made by another; your heart and mind must choose your love--period. 9. Never allow yourself to be put into temptation--ever (this is also natural--if you are in love). 10. Be able to listen like you never listened before--to yourself and to your beloved. 11. Love humanity--both the conditions & qualities, and all people.


I've been fortunate to have helped many people around the world and I love to do it. I will be happy to help you, too--no matter whom you are. If I am busy or unable to help you right away, consider these books to help you help yourself--until I can respond: "Being Happy", by Andrew Mathews; any books by Dr. Wayne Dyer; "The Art of Loving", by Dr. Erich Fromm; "Love", by Leo Buscaglia, "True Love", and "Anger", both by Thich Nhat Hanh. Also Read "The Beloved" and "The Prophet", both by Khalil Gibran. Read "The Road Less Traveled" and "People of The Lie", both by Dr. M. Scott Peck.... Learn more about me at

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Certificates in recognizing violence in the home and child abuse, in preventing violence in school. Raised with an emphasis on loving all people and to be politically active. Studied Zen at Hwa Gye Sa Temple, Han Maum Zen & Culture Center, and The Buddhist English Library of Seoul, in South Korea. Taught seventeen years in the US and South Korea. Teacher Training in the U.S. at Berlitz and the Center for English Studies, NYC, and at Inlingua, Princeton. Studied Drawing, Photography, and Painting at the School of Visual Arts, NYC, and basic Psychology at Nassau Community College, Long Island. Fifteen years of experience teaching English as a Second language--many of those years abroad--has helped as well, as people from other cultures help us see ourselves and other human beings in a different light.

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My reward is knowing I have helped people.

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I have taught and counseled people of all ages, experience-levels, professions and religions, and consider myself lucky to have had the opportunity and thankful to those who have shared with me. Every such interaction is a learning experience, and an opportunity for growth and improvement.

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