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How to Know if You`re Really in Love/Need advice about my relationship and where it is headed.

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My bf and I have been together for months. And when we first met, it was great. We had the connection already, we were comfortable with each other. It was love at first sight. My zodiac sign is a libra, and I feel I fit that sign very well. He has a tough life story which I won't get into. Just that it pretty much left him with no one in his life and just me now. After we met he had a bit of hardship, the only person he had left was his grandmother. She passed away a week after we met. And after that he became ill himself. He's been in and out of the hospital for 3 months the last 7 months that we are together. He is also a undergrad student, so it was also hard for us to see each other often. He had school and work and study. I worked, 2 jobs. And yes even when we first met he needed money, but he didn't want to ask me. But I felt something with him, he wanted to grant his grandmothers wish and that was the burial he was stressing and struggling with. So I helped him. Until now, yes I still do help him. And he tried to help me, but there was always an issue with his bank. Or something. He told me he loved me after like 2 months of being together. Just last month he asked me to marry him. He is currently in the hospital still. And as much as I want to see him, he is not allowed any visitors. Which I think is unusual...normally they would allow you one person to stay with you. I can understand the first time he didn't want me to see him that way. But now, I just question if it's real? Does he really love me? He talks about the future, kids where we would want to raise a family. He says we need each other. We are ment for one another. I felt that it was ment to be that his grandmother left him after he am I met. He told her about me, and she was happy for him. His friends and aunt (who recently died too) are happy for him. But I really feel like it shouldn't be like this if he wanted so much with me. I know his sickness can't be helped and he says he is trying his best to get better. But his body is just not recovering well. I want to break up with him cause this isn't right. And it's not fair to me...and I'm afraid he may leave me when everything is better. He says there's no one else. But what do I know? I don't know. Can you help me? Am I just over reacting and need to just be strong for him, and stay by his side. I've with him the entire time. I don't know anymore. I do love him. He is a great guy. Just sucks that he has this issue. Advice?

Answer
Hi, Aimee,

I think the most concerning issue you raise is that you don't have access to him in the hospital, and there seems to be a breakdown of communication between you about what is going on.  Why wouldn't he let you come to see him?  If it is his decision, why would he do that?  If it is the hospital's decision, perhaps he needs to talk to a pastor or patient advocate.

If you need to break up with him, do so.  Having no access to him during this illness is breaking you up!  

Good luck!

Jan

How to Know if You`re Really in Love

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Jan Harrell, PhD

Expertise

I believe I can address any questions and concerns a person might have.

Experience

I have been a clinical psychologist for 32 years. I co-authored a book on relationships, Love Again ~ Creating Relationships Without Blame, with my husband of 40 years, who is also a psychologist. I have taught at UCLA and at Southern Oregon University. I was the psychology columnist for the magazine, Make You Happen! for 1 1/2 years.

Education/Credentials
I have a doctorate in Counseling Psychology from the University of Southern California.

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