How to Know if You`re Really in Love/trying my hardest


I'll try to sum this up, recently my fiance and i had a well needed talk where she confirmed what I have been thinking for the longest. She hasnt been able to give me the love she knows shes capable of due to one of her past relationships. Meaning she hsnt been able to love anyone the same or as much as she loved him. Also found out that in addition to this a partial reason shes not as affectionate is because im not her typical type, meaning taller dark and muscular and from the beginnng she struggled with that.  

Now, lets get somethings in the open. I have never had this issue in my life. You would think i am a weird looking obese dude when in fact, im the opposite. im an handsome guy, nice build, not overweight, i can get in the gym and get more cut up i admit, but im no where near sloppy in fact im very active in the gym im there like 3-4 times a week!

So needless to say im crushed, my spirit, confidence and im trying to not question her love for me at this point or if she was ever in love really in the first place. like i really dont know how to feel. but i do know i feel different about her right now, and its scary. i mean ive given her my all, and to know she hasnt is really hurtful. the most positive thing about this though is that all the thoughts and intuition i had about this situation were correct and its good to know im not crazy.

she told me that even though we have hit this hurdle she cant see herself being with anyone else and shes willing to do whatever it takes to make us work. but right now, i cant get past this sting of the hurt im feeling

thanks for listening

Physical attraction is important in a relationship. If she isn't really attracted to you then you should not be getting married to her. What will happen when someone more attractive shows up that she prefers? You catch my drift. It sounds from your description that she has too much emotional baggage from her past that is preventing her from moving forward. I would not spend much more time with that. Mainly because if you get married and then she gets unhappy, she will have two reasons to leave you. 1. she never really loved you 2. you were never really her type. These will be huge in the future and in my opinion are reasons that you should not continue on in the relationship.

How to Know if You`re Really in Love

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David Simonsen


This is the most important thing in your life. you NEED to get it right. Let me help you with honest pull no punches answers to your questions.


I am a licensed couples and family therapist. I have been meeting with couples and families for approx 10 years talking about these exact issues. I am also married 13 years.


M.S. marriage & Family Therapy; Ph.D. Psychology

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