How to Know if You`re Really in Love/recently engaged

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Question
Hi David,
I am a 28 year old woman who recently became engaged (not publicly yet, though) to my boyfriend of 6 months, Rick (age 40). When we first started dating, I was unsure about Rick and almost didn't give him a chance because he is not my usual type physically and is older than my previous boyfriends. As we have gotten to know each other, these things have mattered less and leas. We are good for each other, feel very natural together, and quickly came to trust and love each other, even though both of us had horrible previous relationships. Rick was planning to propose when we went on vacation this fall, but he just couldn't keep the secret and asked me early. I agreed, and we were both so happy at first, but now I am thinking about my initial impression of him. He will always look different (less conventionally attractive) than my exes. He will always be considerably older. I believe I do love him, not for these externals, but because of who he is inside. We "mess around" sexually on a regular basis, but have only had intercourse a few times-- mostly because we were both raised in very religious families and still have some guilt issues. It wasn't the best sex of my life, but it wasn't awful! I don't want to be away from Ruck and we complement each other so well in terms of personalities and interests. Marriage scares me in general because of a previous failed engagement, but I find myself never wanting to be away from Rick. This isn't the lust based relationship I had before, and I think it has more chance of lasting. A good friend, who knew my initial doubts, told me to make sure I am not 'settling." I didn't think I was, but now I have started to worry. Rick isn't fairytale prince charming, but he is the kindest, most loving man I have ever dated. Is this truly love? Am I doing the right thing in agreeing to marry him? Thanks in advance for your help!

Answer
Janie,
Since I don't know either of you I can't give you a very accurate opinion of whether or not you should marry this guy. I would suggest prior to marrying him that you seek out pre-marital counseling. This would help you and he sort out any issues and give you a little more confidence on what the right decision is. if you go to www.aamft.org you should be able to track down someone local to you that can be helpful.

David

www.docdavid.net

How to Know if You`re Really in Love

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David Simonsen

Expertise

This is the most important thing in your life. you NEED to get it right. Let me help you with honest pull no punches answers to your questions.

Experience

I am a licensed couples and family therapist. I have been meeting with couples and families for approx 10 years talking about these exact issues. I am also married 13 years.

Organizations
AAMFT, AACC, WAMFT

Education/Credentials
M.S. marriage & Family Therapy; Ph.D. Psychology

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