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How to Know if You`re Really in Love/We Wish Forever...I want no other...


I know, before you tell me "there's plenty more ahead" but....this is really different. My boyfriend and I have known eachother since fifth grade, I've seen the best and worst of him, told him my deepest fears and secrets, seen sides of him even his parents haven't seen....and I am deeply in love with all of it. I'm sure most people would say that I can't know what true love is, but I have no doubt in my mind that I have found it. He is the best thing ever in my whole life, he accepts that I'm bi, he helps me cope with my anxiety problems, helped me through so many tough spots, and I am only here because of him. We have talked about being together forever, or atleast as long as the other w have them, planning our lives with eachother in it....I'm so set on the rest of my life being a part of him. And he tells me the same...he tells me he loves me so, so much, he gives me this look...and there are things with in all this that words can't describe. Yeah, I know I'm young, only fourteen, but can true teen love really happen like this? Are we just being niave children, or is our dream possible? I know there are many out there, but he is my one in six billion...

Dear Coaley,

Hi! How are you. Thank you for writing. Thank yourself, too. Openness and trying to look critically at yourself is ver good. You will have a better life if you remain like this: seeking selutions by asking questions, examining yourself, and not being proud.

I think if you and your boyfriend live each other, ther is no readon to go on auto-pilot and follow the fears of society... To try and end the relationship or take "a beeak", to find someone else. Remain in the relationship as long as you are comfortable and living each other, remaining open, honest, and helpful, and as long as it feels right.

In ancient times, this love would be the path to marriage by 14, 15, 16 years old. That means soms something, as does your attraction and commitment to each other: you can hansle it at this age and you are.  What you have is natural, pure, healthy.

Though you probly will say 'too late,', or 'it will be soon,' I encourage you to not be physically active beyond kissing. It is NOT ancient times, you won't marry any time soon, and you will get into confusing emotions and trouble with your families if you; really, I don't want to say "confusing emotions", but you will--even if only because friends and then family will find out and you'll likely have to deal with being forbidden from seeing one another, maybe being forced to break up, maybe finding out that you DO want a break to think and feel, and then you eill have possibly had unwanted physical experience that gives you guilt.

Most importantly, follow your hearts!

How to Know if You`re Really in Love

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Mando (Carl Atteniese Jr.)


I've read, thought, written, and taught about love for over eleven years. I've had thoughtful love-oriented relationships only--for about twenty-eight years. I struggle endlessly to be a supremely thoughtful, compassionate, fair, and empirical thinker. This is crucial. I believe in the feeling and process of love. This is also crucial. As an artist, a poet, and an essayist--as a teacher of ESL in other cultures--I have had ample opportunity for the analysis of love... personally and inter-culturally, and this has made my introspection and analysis of relationships--with original ideas and those of my favorite psychotherapists--very fruitful. I will tell you three things, which will help you now--before you even write to me: To have true love in yourself and with another, you must: 1. Be Free. 2. Be Adult. 3. Be Honest. 4. Be Disciplined. 5. Find numbers 3~5 easy, because you are overcome with love. 6. Be willing to do virtually anything reasonable (and many things unreasonable from the point of view of others).7. Never settle (in other words, be with someone you do not love), thinking that you will grow into love. 8. Never take a match made by another; your heart and mind must choose your love--period. 9. Never allow yourself to be put into temptation--ever (this is also natural--if you are in love). 10. Be able to listen like you never listened before--to yourself and to your beloved. 11. Love humanity--both the conditions & qualities, and all people.


I've been fortunate to have helped many people around the world and I love to do it. I will be happy to help you, too--no matter whom you are. If I am busy or unable to help you right away, consider these books to help you help yourself--until I can respond: "Being Happy", by Andrew Mathews; any books by Dr. Wayne Dyer; "The Art of Loving", by Dr. Erich Fromm; "Love", by Leo Buscaglia, "True Love", and "Anger", both by Thich Nhat Hanh. Also Read "The Beloved" and "The Prophet", both by Khalil Gibran. Read "The Road Less Traveled" and "People of The Lie", both by Dr. M. Scott Peck.... Learn more about me at

Amnesty International Partner of Conscience (, Union of Concerned Scientists ( and (htp://

Korea Herald (, New York Newsday, The Planetary Review, The Long Island Catholic, Wake Up And Laugh (, The Ocean And The Stars (, Cradle of The Universe (

Certificates in recognizing violence in the home and child abuse, in preventing violence in school. Raised with an emphasis on loving all people and to be politically active. Studied Zen at Hwa Gye Sa Temple, Han Maum Zen & Culture Center, and The Buddhist English Library of Seoul, in South Korea. Taught seventeen years in the US and South Korea. Teacher Training in the U.S. at Berlitz and the Center for English Studies, NYC, and at Inlingua, Princeton. Studied Drawing, Photography, and Painting at the School of Visual Arts, NYC, and basic Psychology at Nassau Community College, Long Island. Fifteen years of experience teaching English as a Second language--many of those years abroad--has helped as well, as people from other cultures help us see ourselves and other human beings in a different light.

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My reward is knowing I have helped people.

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I have taught and counseled people of all ages, experience-levels, professions and religions, and consider myself lucky to have had the opportunity and thankful to those who have shared with me. Every such interaction is a learning experience, and an opportunity for growth and improvement.

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