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How to Know if You`re Really in Love/HELP! I am falling for someone else!

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Question
Hi,
   I am a 22 year old woman living in India and my parents have found a perfect match for me. He is a perfect nice guy who earns well and will take of me and my kids a few years later. But I do not feel anything for this guy as I seem to fallen for someone else! He is a colleague who is really nice and attractive. What started as a just crush seems to have developed more now that we all hang out together as a group,I am helplessly thinking about him. :( Moreover, he is not the perfect guy i hoped for. He has all the worst habits one could have. He smokes a lot,drinks alcohol (addict) etc. All my colleagues tease both of us every time. It's just for fun they say and I keep telling them to reduce this and now they have slightly. But recently we all had a full day to hang out,and now I'm totally for him. HELP! I know this guy is not really into me but indulges in teasing me and says stuff like 'we hang out yeah..We chat in private yes'.HELP me! I dunno what to do.All my colleagues including this crush knows I'm going to get engaged to this guy.

Answer
Hello Vaishali,

Thanks for writing in and dropping a word. It takes a lot to open up about issues in the back of the mind and when its related to our heart, it takes guts to pen down left alone talk with someone about the same. I appreciate your gesture in pouring your heart felt emotions and seeking a helping hand for the same. Kudos to you !!!

I can very well understand what you trying to say. Normally it happens we come across people who are bad to the world but with us they are the sweetest and something in them appeals to us strongly and we unwilling get attracted to them for no reason. Our thoughts make us feel that he is good to me, to hell with people, why should I bother. But here you should understand in married life, only love, attraction doesn't matter. What is most important is that , can your partner stand by you and support you always? Let you be yourself and fulfill your desire and motivate you. Not make you feel insecure in life and also make you feel the most special. In case of guy you falling for, you thinking that he is sweet with you and you fallen for him, if tomorrow you get along with him, you might change him with your love and etc etc. Come out of movie world, see things in practical. Tomorrow this guy would come and say, you already know about me, I am like that only, you adjust. What would you do? Sometimes in life, we need to let go of people, not because they are not good, but because, being with them, we won't be able to keep others happy around us.

You need to see bigger picture. Your crush would surely come, make you feel senti, emotional, indirect sarcastic comments, would try to tease you, provoke you, but trust me you need to show such guys that you not so weak and strong in taking decisions. When a man gets an idea that a lady is falling for him, he tries to play mind games, so that gal is tempted to come and propose and guy can then call the shots in the end. Sit back and think about the bigger picture of life and relationship !!

Just go out and give your best and  things would fall in place...

All the best !!

Cheers,
Relationship Counsellor
Bringing smiles on the faces on the way .....

P.S- For more professional help around your subject, you can drop a word at, (relationships.counsellor@gmail.com)

How to Know if You`re Really in Love

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Relationship Counsellor

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I am quite experienced and matured enough to handle questions related to following topics: 1) Love- Friendship 2) Issues in all kinds of relationships. 3) making a relationship work. 4) Effective tips to sustain a relationship. 5) Sex related queries. Well as of now haven't come across any such questions, which would offend me or I lack expertise in, but am a straight forward person and doesn't hold my wordings back. I don't mind being honest in case I lack knowledge about particular aspect and quite flexible to accept genuine views of others or seek other professionals for my case studies, to help the clients out.

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Well I have been doing online counseling through my own blog for past two years. I have got good response throughout, which has motivated me in going ahead and helping people in their relationship issues and bring a smile back on people's face. I don't say that am a professional in this area, but well sufficient enough to contribute in the aspect of Modern Day Relationships.

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I am a qualified software engineer with Bachelor's degree of Engineering i.e B.Tech degree in area of Electronics and Telecommunications. I am pursuing PG diploma in area of counseling and relationship education from Delhi University, India.

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