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How to Know if You`re Really in Love/Do I love my husband of 12 years?


Sarai wrote at 2009-07-19 16:16:07
That was really bad advice.

loving something romantically is great, but temporary. It is the beginning of true love, not the sum total.

Hollywood teaches us to expect fireworks daily and if we dont' get what we want then we should bail while we can.

Reality is not like this. You have someone who loves you and whom you love. Marriage is about 2 people joining their lives together and working together side by side to deal with life. Love is about caring for someone and wanting their best above your own. You have this. Separation didn't work and that should tell you something.

Watch Fireproof. It is excellent. I need to rewatch it myself because I have been feeling the same way you do and I need to snap out of it.

Seriously. Look at what it is you think you want. I think you might find out in the end that you already have it.

sadwifey09 wrote at 2009-08-01 07:23:35
Hi i am married as well. I just wanted to tell you my personal opinion. Which is: you sound like your being spoiled and making something out of nothing.

I have to constantly worry and try to figure out if my husband even like me that day. He has cheated on me via the internet and pictures. He has went weeks at a time without a hug, kiss, an i love you, or any type of affection. I've come across letters with him telling people that he hates me and cant stand to be around me.Ontop of that im 6 months pregnant. So consider yourself lucky that you have a man that actually loves you and is IN love with you. You are taking him for granted. I only pray to have a man that would respect me and actually be in love with me. You have a good thing. Don't mess it up with being the way you are. Be happy for what you have....APPRECIATE what you have.

opinions wrote at 2010-06-04 11:27:34
You sound depressed.  I get angry (because it's happened to me - that people blame their depression on another person.  A partner isnt going to make you happy! You have to be happy first, about who you are, your goals and your life.. A partner only adds to the joy and you sound like you have a wonderful man.  Don't be crazy!

a.f. wrote at 2012-08-10 03:10:26
No don't leave! The last thing you would want to do is leave or separate. This worlds thinking is all about selfishness and what YOU want. But think about it, even television puts out there this unreal fanticy that you fall in love and it will stay like that forever. Sounds great but not realistic! If you made a vow you should stick with it, and remember you once had a deep love for him. You should reflect back on those feelings and what made you feel that way towards him.  Also, what are you doing in return to make the marriage happy? If you put in the effort to do EVERYTHING in your power to make HIM happy and focus all your thoughts on him then you take all your selfishness out of it and it will take time for him to catch on it but I'll guarantee that he will notice and start working on putting in all his efforts in making you happy! then its a win win situation. That's real love not fanticy! People today look at divorce as a easy solution and as a option but that kink of thought is why so many marriages fail. You want to be proud of the fact that 50 yrs down the road you can truly say that you made it work through the good and the bad! And what a fine example you can have for your future children.

Carmen wrote at 2013-07-09 00:01:03
I wonder what happened in her relationship.. it was really bad advice.  Marriage is a road two people take together.. a long journey.  If you were feeling sad and lonely.  It's not your husbands fault.  Join a gym, make some friends.  Take some courses for self improvement.  Never take your spouse for granted.  FOCUS on the positive. In the end when you're both old and gray, you'll realize how much in love you were because you stayed.

How to Know if You`re Really in Love

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Dana Q


I offer honest, open-minded, and compassionate advice on all aspects of love and relationships. Special expertise includes May-December romance (I am 29 and my husband is 50) and freeing yourself of abusive/obsessive relationships. Please include the age of both people involved in the relationship, the amount of time you have been together (if it applies), and any misgivings or doubts you have about the relationship so that I may give you the best answer possible. Long, complicated questions aren't a problem - I would rather have too much information than not enough!


Eight years of bad relationships and braving the dating scene. I have now been with my husband, the love of my life, for five years (and married for four).

2 B.A. degrees - English & French; minored in Spanish

Awards and Honors
Graduated magna cum laude

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