AboutJonathan Edwards Expertise There isn`t really a question I can`t answer. If I`m not able to answer a question directly I can certainly point you in the right direction.
Experience I was a high school All-American who was recruited by a number of Division 1 schools. I have also been a coach and ran a high school program for four years. I have coached at summer camps and also run my own website for goalies as well as a lacrosse fitness site.
Awards and Honors I was an All-American and an All-League player as well as the MVP of the East West Prep School All Star Game.
Expert: Jonathan Edwards Date: 5/20/2007 Subject: Boys and Girls Lacrosse
Question My daughter has just completed two years of playing on the boys lacrosse team. She has shown such improvement since she first started, and is now a starting midfielder. She is the only girl in the state to play boys lacrosse in the middle school division. She has such a love for the game, and is one of the teams better hitters and checkers. She can outrun many of her teammates and opponents, and is just as good, if not better than every boy on her team. Part of her love for lacrosse is the physical contact, much of which has gotten her red-carded in soccer, but is legal in lacrosse. But next year she will be entering high school, and is not sure what to do. She vows that she will never play girls lacrosse, because she calls it "wimpy" and hates the difference of the game. But is she even allowed to try out for the boys team? is there any possible way they'd even allow her to do it, or should I be the one to draw the line for her own safety? I want her to do what she wants, and she hasn't stopped practicing since I told her she probably won't be allow to play on the boys side. But I want to get an outside opinion. I want her to do what she wants, but is this taking it too far, and should I force her to play girls or nothing?
Answer Marty this is by far the best question I have ever received on this forum and you couldn't be asking a better guy.
Quick background on me: I'm an Olympian, and a lacrosse all-american. And a no-limit thinker. Also, a parent of a two year old who wants everything for his child and wants him to dream as big, or bigger, than I dream.
So with that in mind here's my answer for you:
First off, from experience I can think of all sorts of stories like this. Boys playing girls field hockey. Girls playing football. Girls playing boys ice-hockey. Girls playing boys basketball.
My wife is Canadian and I spend a lot of time here in Calgary where girls play box lacrosse. Much tougher sport. Lots of contact. Deeper sticks etc. It's really hard to get any of those girls to play field lacrosse because of all of the things your daughter is noticing abot the two games.
I am not sure if she is allowed to play for the boys team. However, I can probably bet that if she wants to play she can play. Anything is possible there. But here's what the school may be thinking and my counterpoints:
a) Safety. (She's just as vulnerable to getting hurt as any other player on the team. One good hit can injure anyone.)
b) If we let her play we have to open it up to all girls. (Yes. Yes you do. But it's not like there is going to be a flood of girls doing this. And even if there was more than just her the same rules would apply. To be honest, girls will weed themselves out rather quickly if they don't like the contact.)
3) What do we do about lockers etc? (She'll figure that out. If not finding a private area to change keeps a girl from playing a sport she loves then we're looking at the wrong issues.)
I don't really think saftey is an issue either and here's why. Just like any new player she'd have to learn the game and keep her head up. That is no different than a tiny, underweight freshman boy who wants to go out for the team. It sounds to me that your daughter is not frail if she's already a starting middie. She can run, faster than some, and already likes to check and hit. Your daughter also has that intangible: Tough-chick-hanging-with-the- boys mentality which I wish some of the freshman boys I coached had! She already has a level of awareness and alertness that other lack because she has something to prove which I think is awesome.
I was thinking about this scenario and it made me laugh so I'd like to share it with you: You and I are standing on the sideline as parents. My son is playing and your daughter is playing. They are both the same age and have similar sizes and abilities. If you could picture us standing together with two of those cartoon thought bubbles that pop up over our heads here's what I think you'd see...
You: Man I hope she doesn't get hit hard and get injured. There are some big guys on that field.
Me: Man I hope he doesn't get hit hard and get injured. There are some big guys on that field.
You: Is she wearing enough equipment?
Me: Is he wearing enough equipment?
You: She's got a lot of homewok tonight.
Me: He's got a lot of homework tonight.
You: She's faster than that guy on the first line! Why doesn't the coach move her up?
Me: He's faster than that guy on the first line! Why doesn't the coach move her up?
You: I hope she kicks that kid's butt!
Me: I hope he kicks that kid's butt!
You: I'm hungry.
Me: What's for dinner?
I hope you get my point which is no matter what the sex of the athlete the thoughts as a parent are still the same. Is safety an issue? Sure, butjust like any athlete on the field.
There will be a bigger issue for you here though. As a parent. If she wants to play you have to fight that fight if indeed it becomes a fight. My suggestion would be to talk to the JV coach or the head coach, whoever you need to talk to an express your daughters intention. I really hope that whoever the coach is that he is excited about this opportunity to really bust out and make something happen here. If he's not, well...
If he's on board then you need to map out some sort of a gameplan. Here's what I'd look out for: I'd want her treated just as the other boys. If there is a tryout then she is chosen like anyone else on the team and cut for the same reasons an athlete would get cut. It can't be based on the sex of the athlete. He's watch out for her safety just as he would watch for any athlete I hope. Keep her out of unsafe situations. I'm glad she's a middie actually. She is less likely to get hit as often as an attackman would.
If he is NOT up for this challenge I feel for you because you now have to sell a coach on the idea as well. I'm not going to get into this one because I'm going to assume he's going to be open to the idea. If he's not just email me directly and we'll talk more about it: jone94@shaw.ca
Marty I don't think you're taking this too far at all. What a great opportunity! Please don't tell her no. Don't decide for her. She will know if it's right or wrong but at least let her find out for herself.
If I were in your shoes I would be encouraging it fully but I would look at it a little differently. Remember as an Olympian I've been around a lot of elite female athletes. I coach a girl right now who is an elite basketball player and when she was your daughters age she was playing with the boys. Getting knocked down. Hurt even. But man she has a mindset and a determination that every coach would kill to have in all of his athletes.
Instead of looking at this as a girl/boy thing just look at it as an athlete thing. She will be playing against some older boys but it's not like they get hug between this summer and next. Just as they get stronger, she will get stronger too. But more importantly she will get smarter with experience. There is a lot of open field on a lacrosse field. If she gets hit, she falls down, unlike hockey where there are boys. But if this was a conversation about hockey I would still be telling you the same things.
The girls game is a different game. It's not wimpy. It's just different. It takes a different set of skills and in some regards the stick skills are more difficult because of the shallow pocket. If she chose to transition she would probably kick butt there too.
But please, let her pursue this. The lesson here is less about the sport of lacrosse and more about going for it. Blazing a trail. Doing something where no one around you is doing it.
You've probably dealt with the naysayers up to this point. Prepare for it to get a little more vocal. I've lived my life listening to people who told me no.
This was me:
"An eigth grader can't play vasity?"
"Your parents are musicians, you can't be an athlete."
"The Olympics? Yeah right!"
"You're too short to be a good goalie."
"You shouldn't buy that business."
"You can't buy a building with no money"
Marty there are plenty of people out there who will tell you what you can't do. There are plenty of people out there who will tell your daughter what she can't do. Don't be one of those people. Find a way to make it happen. Fight the fight if there is one. And learn from the lessons along the way. That is where greatness comes from. You're going to be great. She's going to be great. Go for it.
There is a quote that I love that goes something like this: You will always regret the things you don't do rather than the things that you do do. Do this. Let her play. Help her make it happen.
Go out tonight and rent The Pursuit of Happyness with Will Smith and watch it with your daughter. They'll have it at BlockBuster. I guarantee you'll cry.
There's a scene in it where Will's son is playing basketball and he tells him not to get his hopes up about going pro as a basketball because Will wasn't that great at basketball. Then he catches himself and says to his son, "Don't let anyone tell you what you CAN'T do. Even me!"
Marty keep me posted on this. Email me at jone94@ shaw.ca and let me know if you need anymore help. I'm cheering for you here. And I get goose bumps thinking about what a pioneer your daughter is in this situation. She's going to inspire a lot of other young girls and not just those who want to play lacrose. This isn't about lacrosse. This is about life. Don't be afraid to let her be inspired. And more importantly don't be afraid to let her be dissappointed. The lessons are in the disappointments we go through and not just in the inspiration.
It's going to be a great ride Marty. Be proud that you're part of it.
I'm here for you if you need any more help.
Jonathan Edwards - Olympian
www.lacrossegoaltending.com coming soon!
