About E. S. Expertise I can answer anything that there is to know about being Latino the in the United States. I can also answer questions regarding immigration and emigration to/from the United States.
Experience I am first generation Mexican-American, born and raised in Southern California.
Education/Credentials Bachelors degree in Latin-American Studies and Spanish.
Question Hi. For the past couple months I've been dating a man who is from Mexico - he just moved here a year and a half ago. Lately we've had a few cultural issues arise. Namely, he is quite jealous, he seems hurt if I don't let him buy all the time (which I am definitely not accustomed to), and his friend told me he thinks I'm bossy. I think that last one stemmed from me asking him why he doesn't call as often as he used to - so then he stopped calling all together. We've not spent time together in a couple of weeks. He is a waiter and I've been in the restaurant he works at a couple times and he acts like he wants to talk but only makes small talk, a couple times he's bought my dinner, and we still catch each others eye. I don't know how to read his actions. I don't know if he's interested still or if he's just being nice for whatever reason. I don't know and I don't know what to do next. I do want to continue our relationship, I just don't know how. I thought writing him a letter (in Spanish) letting him know how I felt would help, so I did and it did break the ice, but he still hasn't made a move to contact me or discuss anything with me. Is he being stubborn because he knows I want him to call me? Or is he leading me on? If he was American, I would not give him the benefit of the doubt, but he's not and I don't want to jump to conclusions when it might actually be another cultural issue. Any suggestions? Thanks!!!
Answer Sorry to hear about your interracial relationship going wrong. From what it seems you're experiencing "machismo" at it ugliest. You are right this is partially a cultural issue, but it is also a personal. I'm not going to play relationship therapist which would explain the personal issues, but I will give you some insight on the cultural. The Mexican male is defined by the ability to be macho in the eyes of those that he is in contact with. This "machismo" is magnified in relationships, being expressed in jealousy, anger, cheating and yes playing emotional games. Mexican woman are very submissive, being very co-dependant on their male counterpart. Since he is probably used to this female cultural role in Mexico, he probably assumed that American woman are the same. When he realized that you are more independent and wanted to be treated as an equal, he may have taken it as being stubborn, bossy and unappreciative. His reaction to this is giving you the cold shoulder. Your desire to keep pursuing him affirms his machismo. He probably sees your desire to contact him as you being dependant on him. Now whether or not you still want to continue the relationship, you need to realize that it will be extremely hard to break him from this cultural view. You either have to accept it and become a bit more submissive or move on and find someone that will accept you the way you are.
