Expert: Melissa - 11/27/2008

Question
Hi, My daughter is almost 13 and she doesn't understand why I wont let her go to school dances yet.  I know for the church dances she must be 14. How can I explain to her, when all her friends are attending why I don't want her to.  She has some good arguments and "Because the Prophet say so" just makes her role her eyes. Can you give me some good advice, whether scriptural or from personal experience to get through the next year?

Answer
Wow, I remember those years still... Although there are many things you can have her read including the For Strength of youth pamphlet.  Sometimes looking for the answer yourself has a stronger meaning rather than just asking the question for a yes or no answer.

Let me elaborate.  Your daughter, if anything is stuck between young adulthood and childhood.  Those years are hard.  Maybe by asking her to pray about it, research it as to what the leaders of the church have said, but no only the yes or no, the reasons they cite for their answer.  Also, do not be afraid of looking in recent psychology studies, they for the most part of any well done study will say the exact same thing, that children are pushed faster than necessary into adult situations.  

Also, if you can or are willing maybe think about allowing your daughter to host alternate activities at your house or outings, where friends of both sexes or for starters just girls, get together, so it is monitored, not a dance and a fun time for all involved.

Please feel free to respond if none of these ideas are new to you.  

Melissa

P.S. No matter what final decision is made, stick to your guns, your daughter may get mad, but she will respect you all the more for it, which will count for a ton later on in her teen years.