AboutHannah Expertise I can answer questions concerning standard doctrines, scriptures, curiousities, Mormon culture and society. I will not respond to debates. I'm sorry, but there are some things that I simply will not answer, not because I don't want to, but there are some things that the LDS people do not discuss casually--it's only talked about within the temple. Though I am a member, I do not believe that anyone could convert anyone to a religion over something as impersonal as the internet. So I won't even try to.
Experience I have been a member of the LDS church for 8 years. Though I'm still a young person, I can answer most things about the church.
Expert: Hannah Date: 4/22/2008 Subject: underage dating
Question So, I'm having a rough time following this rule in general. I'm always trying to make excuses for my sinning. I'm 14 and I've been in 2 relationships, the last one I ended eventually because of the guilt from sinning. But, I'm currently in another relationship, and everything is fine, I'm just feeling terrible about dating him and I really want to end it but I sitll have doubts. I continually tell myself that nothing bad will happen between us, I mean I really trust this guy, and I absolutely KNOW that he wouldn't ever try to pressure me into anything bad. But there are consequences for dating him, sometimes I'll talk online too late at night and not have time for scripture reading or just those little things that set me back a little each day.
And I just am wondering if it is completely wrong that I'm dating him, and if I should break up with him. I know it seems like a stupid question, because a part of me is saying well DUH you should break up with him you're breaking the commandanments given from the lord, but still I need someone to slap me upside the head and convince me that it's wrong.
Answer Hey there! I think that you should think about what you want from this. Why are you dating him? Why don't you want to? In all honesty, is this helping you prepare for a further life? Really the chances of you marrying this guy are 1/1,000,000, right? So you're probably going to have to break up with him eventually anyways.
I'm currently 17, and my advice to you would be to not get caught up in anything romantic. When you're in junior high and high school, it's not about pairing up, even after you're 16. It's about getting to know people of the opposite gender, start thinking about an eternal companion, but in "I like how this guy is..." not "I want to marry him right there." I have never been in a relationship, and the closest thing that I've ever been to being in a relationship is still taking place. We've been friends since we were 13 and 14, but we didn't even start to think of it even semi-romantically until he was sixteen and I was almost seventeen. A good friend of mine who had some hard times when she was about your age who is now very strong in the church again tells me that she had several boyfriends while she was still below the suggested dating age. She says that that is one of the decisions she most regrets. She says that it seemed fine, and then she realized that she didn't want this, they didn't want this, and she was just convincing herself that she was grown up and in a relationship, when really she was just having fun puppy-love, and that everything was easier when she was not in the relationship.
You're 14, you're growing up. You're maturing, but you're probably not mature enough for a serious relationship. I'm not ready for a serious relationship either, and that's why my friend and I have decided that our dates (we've been on five or six together) are not going to be about being in love though I know I've felt attracted to him, and I believe he's felt the same way towards me. All our relationship has been is an elevated level of friendship. It's not that you or I is a weak person and we can't handle the break-up, or something like that. It's because that's not the focus right now.
Dating before 16 isn't a sin per se. The church doesn't tell anyone that they HAVE to wait until they're sixteen or so. All that they're doing is trying to help young men and young women have a adolescence that will prepare them for life ahead in the best way possible, and really, relationships aren't the best way to that.
I'd say for your situation, it's probably not a great idea to have a relationship. Pray about it, ask people in your ward you trust, leaders, a parent, something like that. If you'd like any more help, feel free to follow-up.
