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You are here: Experts > Religion/Spirituality > Christianity - Restorationism > Latter-day Saints > Adultery
Expert: Cindy Beggs - 10/31/2009
Question
Hello, my name is Beatriz and I'm a 25 year old female from California. I personally am not a Mormon but I was involved with a
married man who is a Mormon for 4 years. I'm going to try and make this brief.
I met this man 4 years ago while he was working in overnight shift. He came on to me and gave my his email and instant messenger and told me to contact him. So I did. That night he told me he was married but he was having serious marital problems and he was thinking of separating and eventually divorcing his wife. We continued our relationship for 4 years via instant messaging, emails and telephone conversation. He even started saying, "I love you!" I had fallen in love with this man and I felt he was too.
June of this year, I went on a business trip and met up with him where he currently resides, in Phoenix, AZ. We had sexual relations and didn't use protection so we knew there might be a possibility I could be pregnant.
After we had sex, his wife found out about us a week later in an email he had sent to me. She called and called me but I refused to answer because he told me not to and because I wanted to protect him. Several weeks went by and sure enough I was pregnant. I called him and told him the news only to question me if I was sure he was the father. I was hurt. I received an email from his wife and him saying that I should put up the baby up for adoption and they would help me in that process. I made it clear to them I was not going to do that but instead keep the baby. He flipped and changed on me and started to ignore me emails and calls. We had decided when the babies were born he would take a paternity test and we'd go from there.
I found out he was carrying twins and tried to contact him to let him know but he had changed his number. So I called his wife and we spoke. She said that he was adamant about me giving up my babies up for adoption since he wasn't planning to be a part of their lives. I was depressed for months, how could this man who said he loved me and would do anything for me turn his back on me?
Last week on Thursday October 22, I went into pre-term labor. My baby girl was stillborn and my baby boy passed 2 hours after I delivered them. I called his wife once again and urged her to please have him contact me. After months of avoiding me, he finally contacted me on Thursday, exactly 1 week after my tragedy. I told him what happened and he didn't even say sorry or anything. He just said, what do you want me to do? I asked him is he could please sign the babies birth certificate and death certificate along with the paperwork from the mortuary. I have decided to cremate them and I need him to sign that he's consenting this. He refuses to do so because he's not sure if he is the father of the babies and refuses to take a paternity test since he says there is no point since the babies are dead. But the real reason for him not wanting to do a paternity test is because he doesn't want his infidelity on paper and th fact that he father 2 babies with another woman. I've called lawyers in my town and most say that I can get a court-order to make him take a paternity test but it could take months before I even see a judge. So my next thing is to talk to his family about this and to his church about this. He is very involved with his church and I know it means a lot to him. How would I go about meeting with a bishop or elder and telling my story, maybe they can knock some sense into him and he'll take the paternity.
I'm desperate and need answers now. I don't have much time since my babies bodies are still in the hospital. Please help!
Answer
Hello Beatriz,
First of all, I am so sorry for the loss of your children. Please do not lose hope that there is someone out there for you. This is out of my realm of expertise but I wanted to get back with you, because I could sense the desperation in your email. You can call any LDS Church in his area and I'm sure they will be more than happy to listen to you and perhaps intervene on your behalf. Members of the LDS Church are very family friendly and I'm sure they will understand your predicament. You can reach their number in the phone book or a 411 operator. Please know that you are not alone. We have all made mistakes and no one is perfect. I'm sure there is a lesson for you in all of this - you just have to ask God and pray about what that lesson is. I believe that we all will go through what we go through because of choices that we have made - some good and some bad. Unfortunately, we have to live with our bad choices - but hopefully we can learn from what these bad circumstances can teach us for the future so that we do not repeat them. I said a prayer for you and hope that I was able to give you some comfort. Cindy
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