Expert: David Gross - 6/11/2009

Question
Two good people did something very wrong. They feel deep regret, guilt and shame. They have been together for over a year and tried to end the relationship several times because of the guilt but find they truly love each other and want to be together. Is there a way to work with the church in helping them to work through the guilt and eventually become sealed to each other? With love and effort, will they be supported and accepted in the church?

Answer
Yes, there is a way to work with the Church and EVENTUALLY become sealed to each other.  

No, there is no way to work with the Church in helping them to work through the guilt.  You are feeling regret, guilt, and shame appropriately because what you are doing is wrong and selfish.  

You can end your extramarital relationship if you want to.  Put all the effort that you are expending outside your marriage into improving your marriage.  Listen to Dr. Laura.  Read some of her relationship books and follow her advice.

If you have children then you cannot calculate the damage and the havoc that you will create in their lives until the day they die and possibly beyond.

Love is not the most important thing in life.  Commitment to people and keeping the covenants that you have made is more important.  You loved your spouses when you married them.  What makes you think that in a few years you and your lover won't be in the same position that you are now with new lovers?  

If you have no children then your current spouses may be better off without you because of your dishonesty.