Latter-day Saints/baptism after affair


My husband cheated on me with a mormon woman and got her pregnant. We divorced. He went on and had another child with her and later married her and then was baptized into the mormon church. However, he has never asked for my forgiveness for the pain and suffering he caused to me and our children. I feel like he started this new life under false pretenses. He now wants me to join his ward. I am a Christian but not mormon. This whole situation is very odd for my children and I. I think he has not been honest with his new church and I want to go to the bishop and ask for a meeting but don't know if I can do this. He basically tells me to get over what he did because everyone cheats and its no big deal. I have been praying about this for a long time now and I truly feel that he needs to repent in front of a bishop and me.

True repentance is about a change of heart. There are no words or acts that in and of themselves truly signify repentance because true repentance requires things that are unseen - a change of heart. As such, your husband can't "repent in front of a bishop and me". He can apologize. True repentance involves a remorse or sorrow for one's deeds, and a desire to correct them in as much as possible. It is not given to us to judge though - only God truly knows the heart of a man or woman. It is for this reason that Christ shall be our judge. Not only is it His atonement we are reliant upon to be forgiven of our sins, but it is only Him that can truly understand our hearts, our circumstances.

Christ's atonement, while a free gift to us, does make requirements upon us if we are to lay claim to it's cleansing effects. Repentance is one of these requirements. There is little point in God forgiving us of our misdeeds if we are not sorry for them - we will simply repeat them again given the opportunity and circumstance. Repentance is not the only requirement however. While this second requirement is stated in a number of places, I believe it is stated rather plainly in Mark 11:26

"But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses."

Your former husband has doubtlessly caused you a fair bit of pain. That pain is something Christ understands because of His atonement - it is a pain He is uniquely qualified to comfort.

As your husband is in need of Christ to be forgiven of his sins, you are in need of Christ to heal the emotional wounds you have suffered as a result of your husband's actions. Hollow words spoken by your husband in front of you and a bishop will not bring you this peace. No amount of discomfort or unhappiness on your former husband's part will bring you this peace. True sorrow and a sincere apology from your former husband will not bring you this peace either unless he, in doing so, touches your heart with the Spirit of God and in some way helps you come into Christ. Only in Christ can the comfort, the balm, you are seeking be found. If you can forgive your husband, you will come to understand the "longsuffering" referenced in Galatians 5:22-23 and how this feeling can be a blessing from the Spirit. I'm sure you have suffered enough already from his actions - don't suffer further. Forgive him so you can end the emotional damage.

Bishop's in the LDS Church have responsibility for all people living in the boundaries of the areas (wards) they serve - members and non-members alike. I'm sure he would be happy to meet with you and help you in any way that he can. Understand though, that Bishops, in their role, are acting as representatives of Jesus Christ. Christ is not only the leader of the Church, but the role model. Christ loves everyone - the just and the sinner as the New Testament aptly demonstrates. The Bishop will do all in his power to help both of you come unto Christ.

In response to your husband, no, not everyone cheats. I never have. I never will. When you love people, you want to protect them and help them, not hurt them. If a man truly understands the things of God, and he loves a woman he's not married to, the last thing he's going to do is go hop in bed with her. It hurts her, it hurts him, it hurts whomever he may be married to. It hurts any children that may be impacted by the activities of the "adults". That's not love. Some men (and women) don't understand though.

I hope this helps.


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Gene Black


I can answer questions related to LDS beliefs and history as well as doctrinal questions pertaining to the standard works (Bible, Book of Mormon, etc.) I believe strongly in personal revelation and hope that all answers I provide will be carefully considered, and prayed about before being accepted.


I've been a member of the LDS Church all of my life, have served a mission for the Church, have been sealed to my wife in the Washington, DC temple, and enjoy reading books on LDS history and the teachings of the prophets.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

A love for people and a strong desire to seek after the word of God. I try hard to follow the command "Seek not to declare my word, but first seek to obtain my word, and then shall your tongue be loosed; then, if you desire, you shall have my Spirit and my word, yea, the power of God unto the convincing of men."

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