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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Lesbian Erotica > Lesbian Erotica > Lesbian sex
Expert: Blue Sleighty
Date: 4/28/2008
Subject: Lesbian sex
Question
QUESTION: I'm a lesbian and I have had my fair share of pleasing a woman. My question is, is there more to know about pleasing a woman and how many I learn more about it? My problem I'm having is my ex keeps leaving and I'm not sure if it is me or just her. I'm getting older and I want more for me sexually. I have never had a orgasm with anyone but myself and I'm wondering why. I do like toys but I want a woman to please me by oral and fingers and kissing and caressing. how do I make them understand what i want?
ANSWER: Brooke,
I have some questions for you:
1. What is the age difference between you and your girlfriend?
2. At any point in your relationship did you and she have a satisfying sex life?
3. Does your girlfriend leave you out of anger? Why does she leave?
4. Does it take a long time for you to climax?
5. Do you have more than one sex partner?
If you would please give me a little more information, I will be happy to give you my expert opinion.
Please check out this link: http://mysecretobsession.com/lesbiansexed.htm
And this link:
http://mysecretobsession.com/oralsex.htm
I look forward to hearing from you!
Regards,
Blue
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: 1. We are about 3 yrs apart.
2. Yes I did at the being, about 8yrs ago but she didn't give me a orgasm.
3. She has left out of anger but it is always about her and her cheating. I don't really know. The only one that can answer that question is her.
4. No it doesn't. I like to tease myself when i do but not to much but no it doesn't take long.
5. No, at one time in our relationship I cheated because I got the attention I was needing and was exploring more of me and that was a woman I explored with.
ANSWER: Brooke,
I'm sorry, but, I need to ask you a few more questions.
1. Do you feel angry or hurt when your girlfriend cheats on you? Do you feel bad about yourself when this happens? Do you start having trust issues when this happens?
2. Do you feel that the sex was better with the woman that you cheated with than the sex that you have with your girlfriend?
3. Have you had sex with more than five women in your lifetime?
I hope these questions are not annoying you. I just want to answer you to the best of my ability.
Regards,
Blue
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: 1. Yes I'm angry and hurt but more about that she lies about what is going on. Yes i feel bad because she makes me feel like I'm going crazy when I ask her what and who and why. All she does is laugh and says nothing. Yes I have trust issues but maybe not because I can always trust that she will lie and cheat.
2. Sometimes but not always. With my ex after having sex I cry because I want more or I feel she doesn't want me and I didn't do a good job. The others I have no feeling and I want to because I want to feel every pleasure someone has to offer, I want to scream, touch, feel, kiss, lick, taste,and much more of sex and want someone to do that to me.
3. Yes but 3 of them were different. I never took my clothes off and I didn't let them touch me. With my ex I let her do everything that the others didn't. The woman I cheated with, we could never take our clothes off but we touched each other. One other woman after my ex and it was this past year. I let eat me out because my ex never did and I wanted to feel everything and she wanted too. It sucked and now I want to know what it is like and for someone to show me if I'm doing something wrong and for us to learn and feed off each other. I hope you understand and sorry for being blunt.
Answer
Brooke,
Your situation sounds very frustrating. Everyone responds differently to trust issues and conflict with their mates, but, I have to say that from the way you describe your relationship it would be difficult to have a satisfying sexual experience with all of that emotional conflict, hurt and anger.
Out of all of the women that I have had sexual relationships or encounters with (30+) only TWO have been really excellent lovers. Women are not encouraged to learn HOW to be good lovers (because then they are SLUTS, right?). Many women feel ashamed and guilty. Many have religious issues. There are many reasons why some women fear intimacy and/or sex and have a difficult time enjoying it and learning what makes themselves and their partners feel good.
I have been in situations similar to yours. I have been in love with and had a long term relationship with someone who, although she LOVED the way I made her feel- did not know how to reciprocate. She tried, but she just did not really know what to do for me. I think that she was turned off by giving. She had no problem receiving, though, and when I no longer wanted to be with her, she went nuts trying to make me come back. But I saw no point in living in a one sided situation from which I would never have a satisfying sex life.
I have also been in love with a woman, but was not sexually attracted to her. That situation was terribly unfair. She wanted so much for me to make her feel the way that you have described that you want to feel. But- I just did not want to have sex with her, and I would not let her touch me. We lived like that for a year.
Eventually, after much fighting and frustration, and after beating the "why's" to death- I agreed to be there for her every Saturday night at 9 o'clock. It was a little awkward at first.
Amazingly enough- that fixed everything. I started looking forward to Saturday night at 9 o'clock.
I am still with her. And, we have a scorching sex life, now. As it turned out- she is a really excellent lover and we do things that I never DREAMED I would be into. So, YES, there is a ton of things you may have overlooked. I thought I had done it all until I met her. Now I love our sex life as much as I love her. So- you never know. Sometimes you can turn a situation around.
There is a wonderful world of sexual possibilities for lesbians to share. There are a zillion things to explore.
You probably aren't going to like my answer after all of this correspondence- but- it appears to me that you have just not yet found a suitable partner.
You are obviously willing. You are obviously open-minded. You put up with an awful lot. I doubt that I would do the same.
The world is not perfect, and neither are the people that inhabit it- but you deserve someone who loves you, nurtures you, supports you, and wants to be with you. Not someone who hurts you.
I would encourage you to examine why your girlfriend is with you at all. I would encourage you to consider why you stay with her as well.
Sometimes, we think that if we could just say or do the right thing that we could "fix" things. That if we were a better lover, or looked better, or (?), we would not be rejected.
That is most often not the case.
You deserve to be happy. Sometimes you have to let things go, and move on.
I am here if you want to discuss this further. Don't hesitate to write.
I do care.
Blue
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