AboutBlue Sleighty Expertise BLUE SLEIGHTY HAS BEEN AN EXPERT FOR OVER 2 YEARS!
I will do my best to answer any legitimate question. If I can NOT answer it- I will be happy to provide references to someone that I believe can help you.
Experience I have been a lesbian all of my life, and realized that there was something different going on with me by the time I was 6 years old. I have faced the same issues and have made many of the same mistakes that other lesbians have. Part of my journey as a woman and a lesbian has included educating myself, and exploring my sexuality and my body. While marching down my path seeking a better understanding of myself and others, I have gathered information along the way from reading publications of the best sex experts of our time, like Susie Bright, Annie Sprinkle (who is a lesbian, now!), Xaviera Hollander (who is doing some great work on YouTube these days!), and many others.
I have been fortunate to benefit from the wisdom, experience and research of these brilliant and brave women.
I have had an active and adventurous sex life and I am a healthy and happy woman. I am published and a widely known writer of lesbian erotica.
Publications CafeBoudoir.com, MySecretObsession.com, AuthorsDen.com, AuthorZone.com, many others. Author of 5 books which can be found at Amazon.com, and Lulu.com , as well as many other online book sellers.
Education/Credentials Along with the privledge of having an oddly interesting and far from boring life which has afforded me a rather unique perspective, I have an AA from the Texas Academy of Art. I am a midwife and worked with a team of midwives at a birthing center where I performed well woman exams, managed prenatal care, and delivered babies as well as managing home births for 3 years, which gives me plenty of hands on experience with the female body. I have the equivalent of a MA in life experiences and personal independent study as measured by UH life credit testing, and I constantly read college psychology textbooks, Psychology/Psychiatry News in the AMAJ, Psychology Today, and other educational journals. I write professionally and am respected and loved in the genre of lesbian erotica. I'm 40.
Awards and Honors Every time someone thanks me for helping them is an award and an honor for me. Also, I was just thanked by the author, 'the mysterious Jade', in the acknowledgements of her new, page turning lesbian erotic thriller, "Secretly Bound", for being her mentor and for inspiration, advice and friendship.
Question Hi Blue! I really enjoy your writing, your website, and think you give great advice from your experiences, so I wanted to see if you could help me.
I have been dating a woman for a month. I am the first woman she has dated. She knows she wants to be with a woman, but she didn't date anyone because she was concerned about what her family and friends might think. Needless to say, we have been taking it real slow. I would like to take the next step but also don't want to seem pushy. We have kissed, held hands, held each other while watching tv, etc, and the other day when we went out, things got a little hot and heavy when we got back to her place, but I could tell she was still hesitant. We've talked about it a little, and she gets very embarrassed and shy, apologizing for "making me wait." I reassure her but I don't know if there's something else I could be doing or doing better.
I would really appreciate your suggestions.
Thanks, Rose
Answer Rose,
From what I read, I think you should continue at the same rate of speed. She feels hesitant and you certainly don't want her to feel pressured or to do anything before she is sure she is ready.
However, that does not mean that you should not create opportunities for everything to be perfect. Planning wonderful dates and having a great time without expecting anything in return can help put your girlfriend at ease. Make every date special. Give her little gifts. It does not have to be pricey. Give her a box of your favorite incense, aromatherapy bath 'fizzies', scented candles, shower gel- stuff like that cost about $1.50, but it means a lot to people when you show them that you were thinking of them.
My advice is- do not put on any pressure, and do not act disappointed or pout about what you are not getting. Let her come to you.
In the meantime- have as much fun as possible and keep it light.
