Lesbian Erotica/I really need help


QUESTION: Hello Blue,
Ok, so this is a bit awkward for me to discuss, but I've tried everything and I'm not getting any better. I'm 19 by the way.... so the thing is my girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year now, and we just recently became physically intimate. And well, I totally suck at pleasuring her to be honest. She doesn't complain at all, and tells me she likes it which really just makes me feel worst because I know she isn't getting where she needs to be if you know what I mean...like I have never made her orgasm. And I know the whole thing about some girls don't come as easily as others and stuff...but I know its not her. She can bring herself to orgasm, other girls have brought her to orgasm. But me...I don't know. I can't. Somewhere my skills are lacking. She is my first, so I'm new at this. She takes it slow, and never pushes me out of my comfort zone. She will pleasure me and not expect anything in return. She is so nice and stays posative through my failed attempts but honesty I know deep down she has to be a little frustrated. I mean its been weeks and...nothing. I think the main thing is I'm scared of hurting her. Like the first time I went down on her I hurt her, and she tried to hide it but I know she was in a lot of pain. So now I'm kinda hesitant. Its like I get her super close, but then when she is about to come I freak out and back of. She has tried guiding me, but the one time she like graded my head I tensed up like crazy and she flipped out apologizing and hasn't done it since. I don't know why I freak out or whatever. Ive watched videos, read stories, talked to friends, got advice about what she likes from her ex. And the results are still the same. I guess my question is how to I push her over the edge..its like right now I can get her close but I can't get her over and I hate it so much. I mean really..its not fair to her.

ANSWER: Jessica,

Thank you for writing to me. Let's see what we can do about this.

I need to ask a few questions first, please.

1. How many times have you and your girlfriend made love?
2. Do you masturbate?
3. When you say that you 'freak out', what exactly do you mean?
4. When you say that you hurt your girlfriend - what exactly did you do to her that hurt her?

I look forward to hearing from you.

Love and

[an error occurred while processing this directive]---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for responding. In answer to your questions...
1. We have made love about 12 times
2. No, I don't.
3. I don't know...its like. I get anxious, and start to doubt myself, that I'm completely doing everything wrong. Like at that moment when I know she is close its like all of that comes into my head and I end up like either pulling away or changing what I'm doing unconsciously. I know it sounds crazy, and its all in my head but..I don't know how to stop it.
4. I bit her clitoris....bad I know :(

ANSWER: Jessica,

As you get to know a person the sex gets much better. Congratulations for your efforts to seek advice.

The best way to understand how to make love to a woman is to spend some time getting to know your own body and what feels good to YOU. When you touch yourself, pay attention to how much pressure you are using and the motion you are using to produce the sensations that feel best to you. Remember exactly WHERE you were touching yourself when you felt best. Explore your entire body- not just your vagina. Every inch of your skin can cause sexual excitement if you know when where and how to touch it.

Some women have extremely sensitive clits. Some have clits that require intense stimulation. We are all different in that respect. It is a safe guess, when first making love to a woman, that the clit is going to be very sensitive, as this is more often the case.

Assuming that the clit is going to be very sensitive, be very careful about directly stimulating the exposed clitoris (the part under the little hood). Usually too much direct stimulation is too intense, and not pleasurable (too pleasurable?). Attention should be directed to the area from where the base of the clit lies at the top of, and between the labia, to the end of the clit, just before the most sensitive, hooded part, under the fleshy foreskin.

There are women, however, that LIKE the intense stimulation. They will usually let you know.

I have found that women require more than just oral sex. I usually like to make out a lot before I go down on a woman. I love foreplay. Don’t all women? I could kiss for three weeks. I love making love.

Petting. Remember that vaginal penetration is good only with clitoral (or sometimes other) stimulation. The desire to be vaginally penetrated doesn’t PRESENT, without some other form of stimulation, first. Women can be stimulated with things other than tactile contact. Sometimes, a visual image, or a stirred emotion can arouse a woman more than a touch. If she’s already that hot- she will let you know.

The breasts need attention. Nipples are very sensitive, and touching, pinching and sucking, are very exciting. Sometimes, women like to be bitten. But, don’t assume it’s that way for every woman. Go there in degrees. Don’t neglect the nipples when you are going down on her. Remember to reach up, and touch her breasts, or gently pinch her nipples. When we are concentrating on the clit, it's easy to neglect the other parts of her that need your attention.

Encourage her to tell you what she likes. And, LISTEN to her.

When a woman is sexually aroused, she produces lubrication. She gets wet. Most of you know this. Maybe some do not. If she’s not wet- she’s not turned on (unless there is a physiological reason such as menopause that prevents it#. Don’t dismay. She must be interested, or she wouldn’t BE there. So, stroke it until she's wet.


No. Not the tip. The tip of your tongue is good for tickling little strokes, and for probing. Not for serious stimulation. Flatten your tongue, and press it firmly against the whole length of her clit’s shaft. The tip of your tongue, of course, pointing down and should be even with the ‘hot spot’. Now, maintaining even pressure flat against the clit, stroke your tongue up and down. A little ‘circular’ stroke can be very good. And make sure you have plenty of lubrication. Saliva works. Or, dip your tongue into the wetness that should now be present between her lips, at her vagina, if she‘s turned on. Use your whole tongue, not just the tip.

Vaginal penetration while administering oral stimulation, is very exciting. You can use your fingers. Or, a dildo, or you can see how deeply you can penetrate her with your tongue, alternating between her vagina, and her clit. Don’t forget her clit while you are penetrating her.

Anal penetration is very stimulating. And, anal and vaginal penetration, performed simultaneously, feels incredible. If you have never penetrated the anus- be sure that your fingers are well lubricated, and that you do it VERY slowly, and listen to her. If she doesn’t like it- stop. And, do not forget the clit. You must continue clitoral stimulation with your tongue, while you manually penetrate her.

Try to maintain constant clitoral stimulation. If you get tired, kiss her #suggestion), and stroke her clit with your fingers while your facial muscles rest. But, whatever you do- do not say that you are tired, because then she'll be afraid she is taking too long to have an orgasm.

Don’t be afraid to bring a lubricant to bed with you. It feels great, and it eliminates the pressure to get wet. Candles, incense, and sexy music are good things to have on hand. And, if you both like a little porn, movies, or stories can add a little stimulation. But, porn is a touchy subject. Be careful. Sex toys, vaginal penetration and strap on sex are very sensitive areas of conversation, too. So is the G-spot. Discussing things that a woman feels negatively about can result in a sudden change of plans. Like, no sex right now, baby. So, some things are better discussed at a less intimate moment. Just a suggestion.

Say only positive things. No complaining, no whining, all good. If you have something sensitive that needs to be addressed, think about how to say it gently, and try to put all things in as positive a light as possible.

If she has fears, and she was brave enough to address them with you- be gentle, and assuage her if you can.

And always remember- presentation is everything.

Please write again if I have not thoroughly answered your question. We can talk about role playing, fantasies, fisting or anything you need information about.


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: First of I would like to say thank you, I definitely learned a lot of useful information.
My next question is...how do I get her to open up and talk to me. I think she holds back and doesn't voice what she wants or needs for my sake, so how do I let her know I don't mind her telling me what to do and guiding me through it. Like is this something we should discuss before sex or during. Would it be a total turn off if I asked her where and how she liked to be touched? We are very comfortable around each other and can usually discuss anything freely and with an open mind. Should he discussion of our sex life be any different? I know I sound like a novice and completely clueless...and well honestly I am. I fell at a total lost at times. Like I'm failing her somehow.

I am sorry it took so long for me to answer you! I don't know what happened. I just didn't know this question was in the box.

You are more than welcome for anything I was able to offer you that you found useful.

As far as communication with your girlfriend- that is going to take time. Sex is a very sensitive subject. People have a very difficult time understanding their own sexuality and an even more difficult time talking about it. So it is best to take things slowly and cautiously and try to be very understanding and non-judgmental about other people's feelings. I'm sure she isn't as sure of herself as you think she is.

Instead of you expecting your girlfriend to open up to you and tell you how she wants to be touched- why don't YOU tell HER how you would like to be touched? Then you will have opened the lines of communication without pressuring your girlfriend.

Those times when you aren't in bed yet, but it looks like things are heating up and heading that way are a very good time to mention things that you would like to try, or to ask your girlfriend questions about sex.

Another good time to ask questions is during role play or if you are talking dirty.

Turning it into a game can be fun, too. You can play truth or dare and make it all about the two of you; you could play a game where you can't use your hands to touch each other, only your mouths and tongues and specific instructions; you can play poker, but instead of using money- you make a pile of tokens that you use for currency. They can have things on them like "answer any question", "oil massage on any one part of your body", "I will be your hot fudge sundae", etc. There are a lot of games.

Just be patient and do not rush things. It takes some time to get to know people especially in an intimate way. You have to develop trust.

Have fun! Do not worry so much!


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Blue Sleighty


BLUE SLEIGHTY HAS BEEN AN EXPERT FOR OVER 5 YEARS! I will do my best to answer any legitimate question. If I can NOT answer it- I will be happy to provide references to someone that I believe can help you.


I have been a lesbian all of my life, and realized that there was something different going on with me by the time I was 6 years old. I have faced the same issues and have made many of the same mistakes that other lesbians have. Part of my journey as a woman and a lesbian has included educating myself, and exploring my sexuality and my body. I have had a wealth of experiences and while marching down my path seeking a better understanding of myself and others, I have gathered information along the way from studying publications of the best sex experts of our time, like Susie Bright, Annie Sprinkle (who is a lesbian, now!), Xaviera Hollander (who is doing some great work on YouTube these days!), and many others. I have been fortunate to benefit from the wisdom, experience and research of these brilliant and brave women as well as my own. I have had an active and adventurous sex life and I am a healthy and happy woman. I am published and a widely known writer of lesbian erotica.

MySecretObsession.com, AuthorsDen.com, AuthorZone.com, CafeBoudoir.com, many others. Author of 25 short stories, and 3 novellas which can be found at Amazon.com, and Lulu.com , as well as many other on line book sellers. You can also find me on Facebook and Twitter.

Along with the privledge of having an oddly interesting and far from boring life which has afforded me a rather unique perspective, I have an AA from the Texas Academy of Art. I am a midwife and worked with a team of midwives at a birthing center where I performed well woman exams, managed prenatal care, and delivered babies as well as managing home births for 3 years, which gives me plenty of hands on experience with the female body. I have the equivalent of a MA in life experiences and personal independent study as measured by UH life credit testing, and I constantly read college psychology textbooks, Psychology/Psychiatry News in the AMAJ, Psychology Today, and other educational journals. I write professionally and am respected and loved in the genre of lesbian erotica. I am a lesbian mother of a now adult, well-adjusted, degreed, happily married for 5 years, heterosexual daughter. I'm 40.

Awards and Honors
Every time someone thanks me for helping them is an award and an honor for me. Also, I was just thanked by the author, 'the mysterious Jade', in the acknowledgements of her new, page turning lesbian erotic thriller, "Secretly Bound", for being her mentor and for inspiration, advice and friendship. I have business associations with some of the best artists and writers of our time.

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