Lesbian Erotica/Feeling alone
QUESTION: Hi Blue. It's me....again. I honestly don't know how to word the question I wish to seek advice on. I think I'm just feeling alone. Hiding who I really am, my true feelings. Isn't easy. I just wish I could come out. No problems, lectures or religious verse. I just want to be myself for once. I want to be able to date and hold a girls hand and kiss her. But it can't happen, because I Iet people believe I am heterosexual. There are so many girls out at my school. One in particular that I would love a chance with. Her and I have become friends, and the other day we are talking about relationships and she (in a somewhat joking voice) says "gosh Bree, why do you have to be straight?" I wanted to tell her so badly that I'm not. But I just couldn't. After Emily ( my ex and first and only girl I dated). I don't want to risk hurting another girl. I can't come out. The thought terrifies me. And I know if ever given the " come out or we break up" ultimatum again, I'll end up choosing breaking up.
ANSWER: Hey, Bree. It's nice to hear from you again. I'm sorry you are feeling so alone.
The girl at your school sounds like a real possibility. You just have to straight
up tell her like you just told me.
Being out loud and proud is a real life changer and there are many people, myself
Included, who just do not want to choose the limitations over the perfect honesty. It
is a personal choice. It also does not have to be a 100% thing.
My family and close friends know. But my professional associates do not. I REALLY like
earning the amount of money that I earn and I am NOT willing to part with it for the sake of
It is possible to have a relationship with a like minded person. I have been with Jax for 7 years.
She and I feel the same way.
Sometimes there may be a level of maturity that has to be reached before you can have everything
you want. Sexuality is a private matter. Orientation does not have to be shouted to the world in my opinion.
Is the girl you like out? Is she putting it everyone's face? Can you simply tell her that you just do not wish to
Put your private feelings out for harsh judgement? Because if you can't trust her to respect you- she is not good partner
A day will come soon when you will meet the right woman and you will not feel the need to be "out". And who knows? This girl might be the girl. I do not know why we all
feel the need to tell folks.
Just don't screw things up for yourself. I know it's hard and lonely, but you will not always be lonely and you always have ME.
Remember that I love you kid.
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QUESTION: That's the thing. I'm a very private person . I don't want to tell the entire world. I simply wish I could tell my mother and closest friend. But I know my mom would be the person who would look down on me the most. My mother is 100% against homosexuality and makes it quite apparent . She and I have gotten into many heated arguments on the subject simply because she knows I support homosexuality. I can only imagine her reaction if she found out I am gay. And my best friend, I know she would never be able to look at me the same way again. The sleep overs, the closeness, the amazing friendship we have now would be no more, because she would always be wondering if I have feelings for her. I hear the way she talks about those who are out. She's not against homosexuality, she just doesn't want it around her.
I thought about telling the girl I like how I feel and seeing if she would be okay with me not coming out. She is out, she has been since she first came out the school. It's just, the last time I asked a girl if she was okay with not telling people, she was at first and then things changed and our relationship ended because of it. I'm scared that will happen again.
I understand. I heard every word. And I truly wish I had a better answer.
But I can't lie to you.
Things will not be this way forever.
To be honest with you- I NEVER came out to my mother. I think she knew I was
Gay but I was never quite that honest with her.
One Christmas after she died my entire family decided to come over to my house.
I had about 24 hours notice. I'm talking 24 people.
My dad decided to take that time to tell me and everyone else that he knew I was gay
and vehemently disapproved. My whole family responded that they had always known and that
To them it was not an issue.
My dad apparently gave it some thought and got over it because he stayed
At my house for 4 days and never mentioned it again.
My point is that you can never tell how things will turn out.
My best friend is straight and she actually moved in with my partner and I at one point.
It's tricky, but it may turn out just fine.
I wish it were easier but sometimes it's just not.
I hope you will start making some gay friends. That might help.
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QUESTION: Thank you Blue. I think I'm just scared you know . Like I feel as though I'm struggling within myself to find who I am and where I belong. To figure out where I will be accepted and loved no matter what. It's hard when I have my family constantly making snide remarks about gays. It was hard when my mother told me I was going to hell because my best friend was gay. It's hard to try to find the words to talk tell the girl I like that I am gay and want to be with her. It's hard know that I have already hurt one girl, and am terrified to hurt someone else.
I'm terrified of what my parents will say if they ever found out. How my sister would treat me. I know I don't have to tell the whole world, that people don't HAVE to know, but how do I hide something like that for my entire life? How do I explain it when I'm not looking for a husband or it seems as though I'm not trying to partner with anyone. I know these may be very mundane aspects to a bigger picture, but... I don't know. I just I feel lost and like no one at all understands. I hate that I can't get out of my head.
The potential for being hurt in a relationship is not one sided. You are just as much at risk of being hurt as the person you are involved with is. Taking time to know a person can reduce the risk, but the risk is always there. It is just part of life. You either live alone in fear, or you take the risk.
No one can possibly know whether or not you are going to hell for anything that you are or anything that you do because your relationship with God is a personal one, and NO ONE has that kind of insight. So do not listen to that kind of stuff. Work on your relationship with God, and know that other people's judgments are their own problem. It may affect you- but that is why we do not table our personal business for judgment.
You do not have to hide your sexual orientation for the rest of your life. But you might not want to enlighten your parents until you are ready to support yourself and are ready to deal with all of the issues that may follow when you decide to come out to them. IF you decide to do that.
It is possible for you to find friends NOW with whom you can be honest about your sexuality.
You just have to look.
As far as that girl you like- just be her friend if she considers you one and take it slow. Buy her a candle. Ask her what she thinks of Katherine Brooks. If you have never heard of Katherine Brooks- get her to join you in finding out about her. Take her a cookie. Just get to know her. You don't have to stick your neck out too far.
I understand, kid.