Lesbian Erotica/Afraid I'm going to loose her
QUESTION: Dear Blue,
Hello. I'm 23.
I have been with my partner for five years. We live together, and she is truly the love of my life. Unfortunately our relationship has become somewhat strained recently. We have been together for quite some time so of course like any couple we have had our ups and downs. We were always able to talk through our differences and come out of the situation with the issue resolved.
The situation that is occurring now is hard on me. I honestly don't know how to handle it.
You see Blue, I'm a lesbian. My partner is bi. That hasn't been a problem until now. We have always been adventerous in our love making. Talking about our fantasies with one another and bringing some of them to life. A few nights ago we were talking, and she asked me how I felt about threesomes. I told her straight up, It's not something I would want to do. That I believe sex should be an passionate encounter between TWO people, and adding more people into that could complicate things with the couple.
She left the topic alone for a few days, but then brought it up again one morning. Saying its something she really wants to do, she has a friend who a few months ago moved back to the state we live in after being away for many years. Apparently they have been talking, and got onto the subject of group sex and both want to try it.
I don't desire men at all, outside of a friendship or coworkers. So the idea of having a man touch me is a huge turn off. She knows this, and also knows of my person experiences that make me not trust men. I know there not all the same, but as a child and into my early teens the males I encountered where not people I could trust. Also the guy she wants the threesome with is her ex, and I'm sorry. But excuse me if I don't feel comforter me with an old boyfriend touching my girl. She doesn't understand this, and calls me selfish.
She knows I would do anything to make her happy. She really does hold the key to my heart. So her begging and bitterness toward my repulsion on the topic of threesomes with her ex is wearing me down and she knows it. My friends believe she uses me, and takes advantage of the fact that I'm " blinded by love, and can't see how malipulative she is" as they put it. I hate that I'm starting to think their right. When I told her I wasn't having group sex she says to me " it's either sex with all three of us, or it'll be me and him. It's up to you how this happens" I know.. It's bad. But I love her so much. As much as she uses me to get her way, and takes my kindness to her advantage I can't bear loosing her. The emotional connection I have with her is to great. Everyone says I care for her more than she cares for me, and I'm starting to realize that now. Yet, I can't walk away, my head screams get out, but my heart breaks just thinking about loosing her. I know I sound crazy, but... I don't know. She saved me from all the pain of my past, and helped me become who I am. She's been a mentor, friend, partner. She's my everything. I'm not clingy or needy. We give each other space.. We both are pursuing our career paths. I thought we were both headed in the same direction, but now it's seems things are falling apart. I can't loose her. I gave up so much to be with her.
ANSWER: Dear Nico,
Honey, I am so sorry. This is a terrible thing to hear.
I wish I had great news for you and a wonderful solution, but that is not the case.
The girl you are with does not deserve you. And you give her FAR too much credit. She is only a girl. Not god. You are awesome because of YOU not her. Granted she was there for you and possibly supportive, but your personal growth is your own and ultimately the only thing she had to do with it has been 'interested bystander'.
What this person has chosen to do will end your relationship. But obviously her sexual whims mean more to her that your love for her does.
Threesomes almost never work out, and most people who engage in them split up. Gay or straight they end up being a deal breaker.
Maybe you should just beat her to the punch, Nico. She is treating you badly and you should never ever let anyone do that.
I'm sorry I can't give you a more happy solution. But your mate has chosen to screw over your relationship. It is her fault. She is guilty and you should not blame yourself. Feel free to tell her I said so.
Love and hugs, Nico.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: How do I get over her...
She may not be god, but I sure as hell idolized her.
My mom kicked me out at fifteen when she found out I am gay, and sent me to live with my father who is a horrible, horrible man. I spent a year with him. Until he was caught in his crimes and thrown in prison.
My mom wouldn't take me back so I ended up with my aunt
At sisteen I was broken, depressed, and suicidal when she became my mentor
When I was 18, and my aunt had passed. She let me move in with her.
I fell madly in love with her, and after a while she admitted to having feelings for me and we became a couple.
It's been years and a lot had changed. My love for her has gotten stronger over the years. I dont know how to let her go.
Coincidentally I just sent you an email. It is not my response to this concern. You will receive a response shortly.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
I did receive your email. Thank you, but I know I can't go through with it. I know I wouldn't be able to keep emotion out of it. I can't completely drop my standards, and it sounds Extremly self demeaning anyway.
Your background sounds similar to my own. I had to leave at 14 and none of my relatives would take me in. I just bummed around from friend to friend. Could only find work at restaurants and bars. I still managed to finish school and go to college, though. lol But it made me a very strong and confident woman.
Maybe, Nico, you should stay with her. Maybe you should witness what she has chosen to do. The experience of going through this until it either ends or she comes to her senses will certainly help you move on, and if it ends up working out it will give you new insight.
You obviously take your commitment to her very seriously and that speaks volumes about your integrity.
Many couples endure after one person has an affair. It is possible. But it leaves a fracture in a once beautiful picture.
I think that you should pack your bags emotionally and be prepared to move on. But I am thinking you need to see this happen so that you can move on in a more healthy fashion.
I can definitely tell you what you can do to make getting through this much easier but we should do that when and if you make the decision to move, or if she leaves you.
If this relationship fails, I want you to move on with strength and dignity.
I can see that you love her and I know this hurts but I also think you really need to go through this and honor your commitment until it is no longer your choice. That is the honorable thing to do.
Just be prepared for anything, Nico. And do not sell out, or become obsessive.
Please write to me as much as you need to. I am here for you, girl.
Be strong and know that I care.